Hi @Deb5
Just seen this, not been on here much lately…Happy Birthday lovely, glad you had a lovely day…these special days will always have a sadness about them but you pushed through and found some joy and that’s all we can do xxx
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Thank you for that. Yeh thats true, i ouclshrd through ! I felt so sad when i woke up by myself in the morning without him 
Cant even remember what i did last year ? Probably nothing ? I was too distraught ! So i guess thats progress …?? Tried my best i did. Spoke to my lovely dog walker friend who was so supportive bless him and managed to have a half decent day in the end ! Its hard isnt it ? Really we deserve a bloody medal getting through this ! I really think that ! Xx
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I was the same on my birthday on the cruise, I woke up wishing he was there, sobbed my heart out and went on to have a really lovely day. I think the sadness will always sit just under the surface, it will never go away but time teaches us how to cope with it. Yeah we do deserve a medal !
Any progress with him? xx
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Yeh you’re right and were you the same on your birthday ? … well seeing him more cos its summer … in fact hes started taking his dog at same time as me in the morning (damn me just missed him this morning lol ) … is that a coincidence ??? saw him as i left this morning … and wasnt gonna go back as i would feel like a burk ! I not passed the “friends” threshold but he was really nice to me on my birthday morning cos told him i felt sad … xx
Now how you feel lost my wife suddenly in February this year I’m ok when I’m busy or with people but night times is hard keep coming across things that start me off I put on a brave face with family and friends and they all say your doing amazingly but they don’t know what it’s like when there gone and I sit here on my own
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It’s so hard when you’re trying to put a brave face on things. Are you able to be honest with your friends and family ? It’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable and it’s also hard I think to find people who can really just sit with you in your grief.
This sites good for that - we can all support one another but we know we don’t have any answers or magic wands.
Sending strength and hugs. Xxx
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Jonah
I lost my husband in April and snap on what you posted. I was speaking to my mother in law tonight & telling her about my week, only the few positives. She said " you are doing ok then". I wanted to say absolutely not…but she doesn’t understand. It’s not her fault and there is nothing she can do.
I am sitting here watching an episode of Vera - my husband used to love watching these. I don’t work Fridays and don’t have much planned for the weekend. I miss just being with my husband. He made me laugh every day.
Keep sharing in this community as we understand a bit, everyones experience is a little different. But sadly we can relate.
X
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Yes, weekends really suck. I hate them. Everyone else is busy with their families, or at least that’s how it feels.
If someone had told me that one day I would look forward to Monday morning I would have laughed.
I find watching television difficult and prefer to lose myself in a book.
Whatever gets us through another evening is good, though.
Xx
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Willow112
Yeah weekends are when it really hits home. I like reading too. It is so hard not having your partner with you to share your day, thoughts, laughs or just enjoying their company. It’s hard because I find it really hard to hear about other people’s plans.
Thanks for sharing
X
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I can relate to everything you say. It is so very hard. I don’t know what the answer is to carrying on. But all that helps me is trying to keep busy and knowing we are all in the same boat. I’m sure we’ll find a way of coping eventually as many have done before us. I say to myself I’m not the first and I won’t be the last.
Take Care.
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It will be 16 weeks on Sunday, the most devastating 16 weeks.
I am ill at the moment so I am afraid the devil on my shoulder is most definitely winning.
Rose xx
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Hi @RoseGarden
Sorry your still feeling poorly. Hopefully you’ve over the worst of it. Hope your drinking and eating.
Give that devil a slap and tell him to do one 
It’s so bloody hard isn’t it. I’ve been struggling a lot the last few days, more so than I did at the beginning and just can’t shake it off. It’s like it’s really real now. I feel like I’m blurry like fuzzy it’s a bizarre feeling. Anxiety it also at its peak. It may be passing a little as I couldn’t come on here and chat to people as I couldn’t focus on anything but me, my own little pity party.
I do know we will all be ok eventually but it’ll be a hard slog getting there.
Thought I’d share some random thoughts
After loosing my Andrew I’m not afraid of dieing, not one bit. Don’t know if anyone else feels like that, it’s strange. I’m afraid of living without him as for 18 years it was always me and him. I moved from my parents to live with him and now it’s just me. I’ve got to adult by myself. I can barely cook (I’m actually a good cook) as I just don’t see the point in cooking for one. I’m literally eating crap junk food. Saying that I did by a ham joint and its currently in my slow cooker but now I can’t be bothered to make anything to go with it. Maybe I’m getting there because the intention to make a meal was there 
I also often think why aren’t people nicer to each other as you really don’t know what someone else is going through.
Xx
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Oh @Katyh, I am so very sorry you have been struggling.
As I have read on here, unless you are or have experienced this,
you really have no idea how bloody hard it is!
Everything you have written, I could have written.
Thank you for contacting me.
You are so kind and supportive to others.
I hope things start to improve for you I really do,
I am sending the biggest hug!!
Lots of love,
Rose xx
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Thank you, your very kind. I just want some days where I feel like I’ve got this and I’m going to be ok…I want to make plans go and do things and I have been trying the last couple of days but there’s no joy or comfort in anything…I do wonder if I’ll ever get excited again or feel butterflies in my stomach.
I don’t no if I’m mad but I’ve decided to go back to work in 2 weeks. I’m going to do a phased return but as I’m in such a bad routine and I don’t what to sink any further. I just hope I’m strong enough to go back because I’m a unit business manager and it can be quite tough and I need to be professional and not loose my shit! I’ve a good poker face and have always been able to leave personal life at the door. Im really hoping I’ll be able to do that. Yikes!
Xx
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KatyH
I don’t worry about dying either. You are not alone in thinking that way. Grief will occur at different times. I also don’t like cooking for one but trying to eat. I can cook. It’s fine if you just have ham - you can eat what you want. I was living on my own before I met my husband but the past 22 years I have been with him. He had cancer for 15 years of them - not always bad but the past 18 months were a bit tough. We still managed to go out on small trips ie to a cafe and enjoy it. Or just sit in our garden. I really miss his company.
Xx
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I’ve moved the ham to the air fryer to crisp up the fat will have it with salad later when I can be bothered… usually id be planning meals for the week and making him his favourite meals and I was a feeder and loved him to have some good home food.
Grief is just shite, it’s dark, it cruel and it’s painful. I bet after the worst we will be so strong.
I miss everything about my Andrew, I just wish I was moaning at him for leaving his crap everywhere!
Xx
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Now that sounds like my husband, so absentminded and untidy! Xx
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Least we have no mess now! Although I’d rather be clearing up after him than wiping tears from my check because he buggered of and left me alone 
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Totally agree xx
I have stopped crying.
I don’t know if I’ve taken a tiny step forward or, as I suspect, my mind has shut down, protecting me from reality.
Rose xx
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