Thank you so much i am feeling the same way
2 Likes
I can identify with everything you say xx
3 Likes
I hate this it gets worst feel soo alone today everywhere you look in the house you did together or where he sat or touched to think never will you hold them talk is too much another day crying I am 6 weeks how the hell do you keep going I donāt want to be here without him hate everyone getting on with their lives couples invite you out but you very lonely and know that person who was attached to you is not with you hate small talk you are screaming inside donāt you now Simon has died but of course itās not their husband itās mine
3 Likes
There must be something in the air! Today is my worst day too, also my son rang me and he is struggling real bad today he said same thing, today is very hard. (We are nearly 5 weeks in this horrible journey) I have just been invited to a friends for tea i declined, i really am not feeling it today, hope tomorrow is a better day for you @Maxandlala2 
4 Likes
Maisie
I am lying here next to my wife who is drawing her last breadth following two weeks of being told ā she has days to liveābut today lots has changed with my wonderful Sally and we fell it coming.
Some of my biggest fears are those you mentioned , growing old on my own , what if I become ill who will look after me. My step daughter who has been with me for the past 3 weeks has been fantastic but she lives 2.5 hours away on a good day. My step son sis an alcoholic and changes like the wind, even with his mum in her dying state.
So I am very very scared of the future . The support from this community has been amazing . Did someone mention books that may be worth a read to help us through bereavement. Any suggestions from anyone out there
2 Likes
@Nedh
OMGā¦ā¦ I canāt imagine what you are going through right now but my thoughts are with both you and your wife.
One minute, one hour, one day at a time for you just now.
I bought a book on grieving and I think it made me more upset but I do think in the long run itās helpedā¦
Sending love at this most awful timeā¦
1 Like
I am the same having a really bad day today as well
I am so sorry Nedh,
I got recommended itās ok that youāre not ok by Megan Devine.
I wish i could say the right words. Take care
Hi Nedh,
So sorry to hear the time is near for your wife, thereās no words . Sending hugs .
Ive also read Megan Devines book , itās ok that youāre not ok . Sheās speaking from experience not just as a therapist . Ive found her YouTube videos useful too . Itās may be easier for you to watch these than read a book at the moment . Megan is on Facebook ( refuge in grief ) she speaks a lot of sense , and doesnāt hold back .
Thinking of you x
Nightwish1
Morning is very hard i find too having to get up and face another day without my dear wife.Even though i have to go to work,i often think what for?to pay the bills and buy what little food i eat now.My wife used to cook me lovely meals noe its just ready meals.Some people say that as time goes on you start to feel a bit better.I cant feel that, i am still struggling.I put on a āmaskā when i go to work then come back to the empty house and the lonelliness and emptyness.I look at her pictures too, and say similar to you, I wish you were still here with me,I cant carry on like this day after day, its so hard.I still cry when i look at her pictures.I find like you they can make me smile cry or both at the same time, usually the latter.I have a couple by my bedside table and one on the mantlepiece of her lovely smile when we were on holiday a couple of years ago.I really do hope we meet our soul mate again ,its only that thought that keeps me going.Take care
2 Likes
Thank you everyone, this community is so understanding and helpful . Not sure what I would do if you were not here
1 Like
After Sue went i got a couple of canvas prints done. One for the front room and one for the bedroom. 2 of my favourite pictures. They help to replace the memory of that night. I have her favourite necklace over a wedding photo. I just want to remember Sue as happy and full of life. Not like the last couple of months. It hurts so much this new path. Take care
1 Like
I can understand exactly what you mean about remembering your Sue as happy and full of life, thats how i want to remember my dear wife too,as thats how she was before she became ill.She used to make me laugh, now all that joy and happiness has been replaced by sadness, emptiness and lonelliness.I just wish she would come back, but i know she cannot in the physical sense but i try and think and hope her spirit is still with me.As you say this new path hurts so much.Take care
3 Likes
Brummy, Also remember the good times donāt let the sadness drive them out.
Thank you Rob i will try and remember the good times.
Thank you all again for stating what I am thinking and why I need to try to do to counter act this tsunami of sadness
It is well after midnight, and I have countless thoughts, concerns and worries running through my mind, preventing me from sleeping, even though I am exhausted.
There is just no way of getting used to a life/existence without my darling Michael.
The loneliness and isolation is a real struggle for me and affects me each and every day immensely.
I canāt even believe that Michael is gone, and that Iām in this horrific nightmare of a situation.
The silence and emptiness in the house is very difficult to deal with and again, is something I really struggle with.
We were always chit-chatting and discussed everything together.
He had a great sense of humour too, without even trying.
I have lost my motivation, drive and interest in everything.
Work colleagues ācheck-inā on me every now and again either by texting or phoning, but itās pretty much on their terms really, as and when it suits.
I have reached out a few times, especially when I have been overwhelmed with panic and anxiety, but I donāt like to bother or burden people too much.
Quite frankly, I know that nothing and no one can fill the massive void I have been left with, but itās very, very difficult to deal with, and it worries me a lot.
The upkeep/maintenance of the house, garden and car is beginning to concern me too, as itās something we always shared and did together.
I donāt know if I will have the time, energy and motivation to keep on top of everything on my own, especially once I return to work, which I will have to do.
Michael was always extremely reassuring and would calmly and patiently find solutions and answers to everything.
He gave me complete peace of mind, put me at ease, and made my world a safe place.
Such a precious and priceless gift.
Now I am overwhelmed with dread and uncertainty for the future, which I find really scary.
I constantly worry about how I will cope with everything on my own, without the love, kindness, emotional and practical support from my darling soulmate that I have been used to.
Michael was one in a million and truly, a wonderful and amazing person, which is why I am so heartbroken and grief-stricken now.
I miss my darling soulmate and best friend in the world, SO, SO much.
Sending everyone who is struggling in similar circumstances, love, courage and strength.
Eve xx
7 Likes
Heartofgold I am slowly learning to adjust to my new existence I am not totally there yet. but progressing Yes I still miss Elizabeth. I am getting used to the empty house although I leave BBC radio 4 on all the time, even when out. My motivation left with Elizabeth but I am starting to get on a do things. I now cook my meals not buying meals for one. On the house the only thing that needs doing is a bit of wood stain on the conservatory, I just think of Lizzy and how she has got on with it. As for the garden I just cut the grass and once a year the hedge . The car gets its service once a year with the MOT at the garage. The biggest advance I have made is to have the happy memories without to much sadness, As a family and close friends we can talk about Elizabeth and although I miss her and maybe a bit of a silent tear I do feel less sad than I did. Elizabeth left me in April 2024. Things do not seem so bleak now as they did. So I hope things will get more manageable for you and you will have more confidence. Sending you a big hug, like from your brother.
3 Likes
I have had a very emotional day as well, almost 12 weeks since I lost my lovely husband and itās getting worse. Just canāt believe Iāll never see him again, devastated!
5 Likes
Hi my heart goes out to you as I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I had a solution to easing the grief you are experiencing. Itās 9 months since my husband passed and I know how difficult getting through the night can be and is when you feel at your lowest ebb missing the one person who would help you through such awful feelings. Iām trying to keep busy although having little interest in everything I used to. Yesterday I joined the gym although dreaded doing so. I felt it would be somewhere to go on days where Iām struggling to cope especially during the winter months and also be amongst people. Take care, remember youāre not alone on this awful journey of grief and hopefully in time we can find peace and enjoyment in life again .
3 Likes