@Arvia yes not looking forward to it x
Hi lost the love of my life 14 months ago i really know what you are going through i feel so lonely crying all the time i tried to end my life in September last year police had to break the door in i woke up in hospital not a clue where i was it is very hard to lose the love of my life xxx
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Hi @Wendyx
So sorry to here about your loss and also about your attempt to end your own life.
I hope you have been give supprt and help to get through these hard times.
Life is really so hard losing then ones we love. You must take all the help and support you can. Please talk to others try to keep busy
Take care
There are always people here to listen and talk to
Lynne x
I am so sorry that you tried to end your life - I know it’s hard but please don’t try that again. I’m sure your beloved would want you to carry one, maybe with the beautiful memories of you two together.
9 months in and I am still pining for him everyday, feeling so lonely and empty wishing that he would be here beside me 24/7. He was my life, my rock and my everything for 37 years and then bam gone just like that. I am so lost and heartbroken.
Please take good care of yourself 
I remember going on my own to fetch my father’s ashes but they were called cremated remains not ashes. And they were not ashes at all but crushed white shingle inside a brown plastic screw top tub inside a square box with a label with the words and dated with his name on.
I looked at them alone. My husband squeamish.
My husband had insisted on burying them in my baby’s grave against my will because it freaked him out in cupboard in our house. This idea of scattering them round a rose bush in our garden he didn’t agree to. I was upset when my mum died as could have put them in her coffin. I wish I had not been press ganged now. But he was bossy. He has been dead 14 months now and I still find decisions hard. Think because he was like that effected me so
confidence shot.
I went on my own to collect my wife’s ashes. They were beautifully presented in a good quality carton, and still are as she patiently waits to be mixed with mine. In could have had them delivered, but the cost was £200 for 10 miles, I think there are special regulations for transporting human remains.
In all honesty, this was the most upsetting thing in the whole train of events. I wish I had asked someone to collect them for me, although I think I would have had to give formal authority for this.
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Hi @tykey
Yes i have my husbands ashes at home.
His wish was to have his ashes scattered in Fiji at previous family home overlooking the sea. His mum ashes are already scattered there back in 2018.
We both visited Fiji last year at this time little didci know he would be gone 3 months later. Now i face the journey alone soon to scatter them.
Life is so hard without him but once i have completed his wishes it will be hard
Take care
Lynne
Thank you so much I am still hurting it’s hard to find any way forward every day is a struggle i am trying my best to find some reason to carry on Thank you for your kind words god bless xxx
Thank you for your kind words i am trying my hardest to cope every day it’s just hard xxx
I know the hurt never leaves no matter how long we travel on this path alone.
I just cant concentrate anymore wad thinking of going to see doctor as my mind is just mush. I keep doing things forgetting and losing items.
What is going on with me
Tske care too
Lynne 
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Grief does all kind of things to us 
I went out of the house the other day and didn’t lock it .
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Yes I have this brain fog.
It drives me crazy.
Takes me ages to do things. Decisions awful.
I just don’t want to make them.
I invited my two sons and three grandsons to eat up spare food today. They came early and it got me in a whirl. I said isn’t ready yet. Then i couldn’t think straight all the distractions. My son was stressed so that made me worse. However, they all ate it up (chicken, pork, stuffing, chipolatas, chips, roast potato, peas, brussels, cauliflower).
I made cauliflower cheese with leftovers, and three meals frozen for another day.
Then lots washing up.
But my son did help a bit.
Children had been swimming in the morning. They were chattering about it. Then it goes silent. They get on with their lives after the interlude. They don’t want to hear my ramblings. Just say get some counselling. There is nothing we can do about it so I have. I hate how impossible I am.
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Well it wasnt easy collecting by fathers cremated remains but I just did it. Felt very strange. But I had to do it. Otherwise it would have been like trashing him. He felt that anyway.
Being let down by NHS.
He would have wanted to be a rose so sad coukdnt fo it here.
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Sending love & strength
The silence after
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You’re not impossible . Life feels impossible when grieving .
It feels like I’m in a virtual world not the day to day world that others are living in .
I read other people’s posts and it’s like two worlds exist alongside each other with no connecting door . The bereaved and the non bereaved .
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Sorry for your loss it’s had to adjust I lost my partner to brain cancer 11 weeks ago. It turns your world upside down. I went back to work couple of weeks ago and it has helped it gives me something to get up and get dressed x
i hate eating alone as i lost my husband in january this year ,he used to cook
No joy in eating alone! We used to enjoy tasting different kinds of dishes together every week experimenting new recipes from U-Tube but now no more 
I eat most basic meal on one plate on my lap everyday - sad and lonely
x
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I dont feel like eating keep feeling sick