@TeresaPJS well I can honestly say the situation with my son and his wife was something I certainly didn’t see coming . I too lost my mum 2 years and 1 day before I lost my partner and to be without support is really disorientating . Apparently his anger dates back to August when I said something hurtful. At the time I don’t recall being hurtful, certainly not intentionally. I would never hurt those I love . I love my son and DIL very much but due to the abuse I’ve received ( which has been relentless) I don’t actually like either of them at the moment. Of course I wish things could change but I am trying so hard to find a resolution and my son says this is not possible. I despair.
You take care of yourself and thank you for your kindness xxx
This is exactly the situation l found myself in. Try to step back don’t question yourself.
None of us are perfect. You need to look for emotional support elsewhere.
Try to focus on the positives both past and present.
You have done your best for your son l am sure.
If you want me to help with any questions l am her for you. Just reach out.x
@Peanutbrain thank you . I am distraught by his attitude and this is making me physically very unwell now on top of massive grief for my partner. I feel unable to cope right now
Thanks xxx
This must be so upsetting for you - especially as it’s a remark from your son who seems unable to understand the grieving process- Perhaps he has not been affected by the loss of someone close or deals with his emotions in a different way than you
I suggest you carry on managing your own grief as best you can and hope he will understand this in time
You are not alone as my wife sadly passed away over two years ago and I still struggle to get though some days
@martinh thsnk you for your words of support. I’m sorry you still find life difficult following the loss of your wife , it’s a terrible existence isn’t it .
Considering my son is 31 and had Baz in his life for 20 years I would have expected better from him . Just showing me compassion, understanding and respect would go a long way to putting things right with him . He really doesn’t have any emotional intelligence which I’m finding hard to accept.
I suppose when our children get to this age we can’t change their behaviour only our own .
Nevertheless I’m really upset with his attitude and the fact that it’s making my grief so much worse to handle ,
Take care xxx
Martinh.been a year on the 1st February since my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue who sadly passed away.my sister Wendy said some horrible things about sue like at least you knew sue was going to die not like mick her husband who died in may last year and then started spouting off about me not knowing about her husbands funeral which she never told me the date .also tried to say she rang me everyday after sue passed away but she rang me once and the rest it went to answerphone.i have cut all contact with Wendy
My American sister in law said I was being a basket case before I d even buried my husband who died very suddenly and unexpected. About 6 weeks later I challenged her on it saying how hurt I was. Her response was ‘ well you are one ‘. I ve never forgotten or forgiven this
So sad to hear of your pain especially from a close one. No doubt he will be hurting too. I hope you find peace together…for the memory of the one you have both lost.
Sounds as if your relative has some unresolved anger issues which are not your responsibility - you have enough to cope with at the moment and suggest you simply disregard this silly personal insult.
I wish you well in your coping with your grief
Martin
Thank you.
@Bengo thats shocking and an outright insult. There’s absolutely no excuse whatsoever so say something like this ,
Take care xxx
Thank you. She probably thinks I m the emotional vampire !!! A new phrase for me. I had not heard that one before.
Take care of yourself x
She clearly doesn’t like HERSELF very much and is using you and your current vulnerability to offload her nasty thoughts. What an unpleasant person, i actually feel sorry for your brother.
Take care and absolutely and totally ignore her at all costs.
Sending love & strength xx
That’s awful but to be honest my mum had a similar attitude when my husband died. You would think a lady in her seventies would understand how terrible it is to loose a husband but no my mum told me to stop crying because grief would make me ill. Unfortunately not everyone is a compassionate person and it makes no difference if they are family or not.
The important thing is that you should not let your son dictate how you grieve. We all have to find our own way and you can’t heal if you don’t let it all out. Society isn’t very good at making allowances for grief and that makes our situation hard . I’ve found being in places like this has been much more helpful than being with close friends or relatives.
Its a long journey - how are you?
@Deb5 not been on here because I’m moving flat . I been sorting it all out with the housing association. I’m not sure if I will like it - a bit isolated and I don’t drive but it’s good for time being . Was thinking of not telling my son (!) but since thought better of it and told him .
I needed to make some changes to my life - missing Baz so much and I need to try to be independent of my son and not rely on him . Well he won’t do things for me anyway - his favourite word at the moment is “ No “ . Been a right pain in the ass .
How are you doing at the moment? Kids still being a pain - you going to be seeing your new grandchild. I still don’t know about mine , probably a NO 
Aw… spoken briefly to my daughter ! Well shes unblocked me - for now ! They can be really mean our kids cant they and i get so angry with my kids for being so selfish and uncompassionate to their mum. I hope i see granchild in march and that i manage to not totally lose my rag ! Hope your son comes around too. Theres still time. Yes being more independent is a good way to go ! Definately and better for you because as my mum said and its true, when we are now single 
as we are now, sometimes friends can be more helpful than family …hope you like your flat and glad youre ok as i was wondering about you xxx
@Deb5 thank you for asking about me . Well I’m still blocked in my son’s phone but it’s beginning to bother me less now . If he wants to behave like this well I’ll let him get in with it. I don’t know if I will see my grandchild- my DIL is apparently too ill to see anyone at the moment and I’m expecting this to continue once the baby is here . It’s the perfect excuse to keep me away xxx
Well im glad youre less bothered about it. I might be unblocked by her but i sent her a message 3 days ago to which she hasnt replied … i just get so annoyed with their attitude especially when its tough and i had a real tough day today … . Take care and speak soon xx