falling apart

i lost my son to duchennes in march i lost his brother with it ten years ago and lost my mum to cancer 2 years ago,i am having regular panic attacks im on my own and feel klike im drowning in negative emotions

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I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost two sons to Duchennes - that is truly devastating. I hope that it helps even a tiny bit to be able to share things here and talk to other bereaved parents.

You might be interested to look at this conversations between @Simon2477 and @jayne2, who have also both lost two children: Lost Sons. Feel free to post a reply there, and I have also tagged them both here in case they would like to reply here to you.

Hi twinkle
I lost my daughter ten years ago she had cerebral palsy and died in her sleep and sadly 4 weeks ago I lost my son he was fit and healthy just 23 we still waiting for cause of death it was his funeral yesterday, I too have been having panic attacks I think it’s all the adrenaline, I feel so cheated as you must to loose a child has to be one of the most painful experiences that any of have you face but to have to do it twice is so unjustified, i have one surviving daughter and must stay strong for her , do you have any other family and have you got support from friends ? Sending you love x x

Ok thank you very much for your help

Im so sorry for what has happened to you,i know how hard it must be for you.Im on my own and have lost all my family which makes it harder

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Spent all day cryingi never knew id feel so alone i find myself plunging into despair i just wish someone would look after me for a while as im so low i almost feel like giving up

Omg that’s so hard for you, keep strong I’ve been writing I don’t know if that will help help you It seems to help me for a short time before it all comes back and smacks me in the face ,please keep texting I’ll text you back in s fhielxxcc

Hi just checking in on you , what were your children called tell me about them . I really understand your feelings it’s so hard to bear, and when you look around everyone seems to be living their normal lives whilst ours feels so lonely and helpless , I had felt as if I was recovering after ten years without my daughter and starting to live again and now this has happened again I feel like I’m in a nightmare. I feel very shaky, I’m drinking to much to try and blot out the pain, I feel so jealous of people around me so lost, do you have any good friends to help you ? So sorry you are suffering x

Hi twinkle66,

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, twinkle66, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,
Online Community team

I have bi polar disorder which dosent help,my eldest was christopher he died when he was 21,my youngest was daniel he was 2928122_1240686989006_3365126_n



they were always smiling

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My post goes to both Twinkle66 and Jayne2…I lost my son over two years ago and my world seemed to stop,it was empty without him…but for both of you to have lost two of your children I just cannot begin to imagine the pain and torture you are both going through.
When you lose a child I still do not know where the strength comes from to be able to cope from day today,month to month but it does…My heart goes out to you both .
I think you are both strong and extremely courage’s Mothers.
Thinking of you both…xxx

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Thank you for sharing pictures of your sons. It is so nice to see them happy - you should be so proud of what a great mum you were, they were so lucky to have you.

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Lovely pictures twinkle they both look so happy, I hope you can reach out and get some help, i remember when my daughter passed away I felt useless for ages I’d always been so busy caring for her I felt like I had so much time, but I was blessed with 2 other children they were 14 and 15 then so they kept me going loosing Matthew now is so painful he was so caring always checking up on me making sure I was ok he was so funny and had so many friends my house feels so empty, my daughter is 25 now I have to stay strong for her but watching her pain is also unbearable, as she is the only one left out of 3 I still can’t believe it. Do you have anyone twinkle to help you ? A friend neighbour keep telling us about your boys, take care xx

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So sorry you have been through this twice,I have as well and am here if you need to chat xx

Id like to say that things have changed but i still feel like im in a nightmare and have already been told that people who dwell on their grief are boring,well i must be very boring as i cant seem to stop going down a road i fear i will never leave.Its unbearable and my bi polar and ptsd make it worse that and not knowing when the council will make me leave they are as we speak ripping out my radiators and boiler they have ruined my sons room and i wont have any hot water for a while so i cant even have a bath,that and all the bills i cant pay,i am on my own and find that the people who can give me a little help have vanished,all i want to do is be with my kids

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Hi twinkle just wondering how you are ? It’s so awful isn’t it I’m struggling to believe it’s real just getting through the days and nights which seem so long , how about you are you managing to find things to do to get you through theses dark days, any support? Friends old carers it’s hard during Covid as everything is remote I was going to try counselling but didn’t fancy a phone conversation I hope your ok xx

Dear @twinkle66
I’m so very sorry for your devastating losses. I’ve just read various threads & have seen the pictures you posted of your precious sons. It is truly heartbreaking & I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, all we can do for each other is know that we are all desperately hurting & are here for each other to vent or share memories, sad or happy.
I lost my precious 22 year old son suddenly in June, i grew up without my mum & grandmother so have had to deal with years of grieving, losing my son is a completely different level. I’m just so sad & low, it’s hard to see a future without our children.
Keep posting and talking, sending love and strength to you xx

Hi Twinkle66 … I’m so sorry you lost

both your lovely smiley sons. I lost both of mine too … they were 33 and 36 … then my beloved husband died. So I do know how devastated you must be feeling. I so hope you are getting some support … I, too, have complicated grief/PTSD which is difficult to deal with …, then the covid on top of it all. I am here any time to talk so please don’t feel alone. Writing things down in a journal really helped me. I write to them abd about them. Sometimes it helps to get thoughts out of my head. Take care of you and please don’t be alone. Sending love from me. Sue :two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly: