This post is on behalf of the amazing mother, @twinkle66.
She sadly lost her two sons to the awful disease, muscular dystrophy. She posted pictures of them in this post falling apart - what infectious smiles.
Unfortuately, not many people post in Losing a Child, so she has had very few responses. As she had problems with the council, I offered her my number in August in case she needs any help dealing with them, and she said she isn’t comfortable giving out her number, which is totally understandable, as she is a woman and needs to be cautious. We have however kept in contact through PM, and she sent me a PM a month ago telling me she won’t be posting anymore as no one else responds to her, and it was true, on her post lonely, no one else responded.
So she hasn’t posted since, but last week she sent me a PM that she is so scared and feels lost and alone. Sadly I am at a loss as to what I can do to help, so I asked her that maybe I could post on her behalf, and ask people to respond to her, and she said that if I don’t mind doing so, and hence this post. I appreciate everyone has their own grief and suffering, but if you have a few spare minutes and could just offer some comfort to her, maybe just ask her how she is and talk about her boys, I don’t know, she hasn’t been fortunate enough as most of us to have people reply to her, and is very lonely, and maybe a few people posting to her might help her a bit?
Oh, what a shame that her posts have been missed. @twinkle66, if you’re reading this, I’m very sorry to hear that this happened - please know it won’t have been anything personal. All the support on this site comes from ordinary bereaved people and so they will log on and post at different times according to what suits them. Although most people do get support, unfortunately it can happen that posts slip down the listings before someone sees them and posts a relevant reply.
Perhaps some of our other bereaved parents, such as @Rach25, @Jayne2 or @Purple might be able to post a reply - are any of you around and feeling able to do this?
Twinkle 66 , I am truly sorry for the terrible losses of your sons, I hope you are feeling a little braver today that’s things are a little easier today, it’s a tremendous loss your coping with and I hope even just me saying hello helps in the short term and please don’t hesitate just to say hi xxx take care xxx
Hi twinkle 66
Sorry if I’ve missed your messages I know we had messaged in the early days of me joining this site , I have also lost 2 children and I have some understanding of the loneliness you must feel, I think I probably had missed your post, as I’d been concentrating on titles with child loss and hence missed yours please keep posting… the pain and loneliness won’t go away but there is some comfort in messaging people in similar situations, we all feel so desperate and sad without our children but it’s a positive small step to share some of our feelings, and worries with others take care and continue to post there are people out there who care and support we just need to find our way xxx
Dear @twinkle66
I’m so sorry if I have missed your post. Sometimes I come on here & read & intend to reply to posts but then sometimes get distracted and unfortunately miss slightly older threads. I have messaged on the other thread& hope it helps in a tiny way. Always here to message with you xx
I’m so sorry you didn’t receive responses to your posts. How terrible that you have had to go through so much. I hope you have support around you. Like you I have lost both my sons … my eldest died eight years ago aged 33 and my remaining son died three years ago aged 36. Then my beloved husband died seventeen months ago so only me left now. It’s awful that your children go before you … it’s not the natural order of things. I am always here to talk … please don’t feel alone. I try to keep busy gardening and decorating etc. I find walking or cycling helps me. I’m going to start knitting again and I read a lot. I write in a journal when things are hard … I write to them or about them etc. And I cry … a lot! Sometimes I isolate myself so I don’t have to make the effort with people. Little things trigger me a lot … songs, music,places etc. I hope you find a way through this. I’m sending you love, understanding and hugs from me:two_hearts:I’m so glad you have posted this Abdullahb… how kind of you
Dear @Jayne2, you did reply to her in another post, but by that time she had already stopped logging in as she said no one replies to her and so she is leaving. You and @Rach25 are always so kind in replying to people, and hopefully she’ll have you to talk to now. Thanks to @Honeybee31 too for replying.
@Pedro521, each time I see you post, it makes me so sad. You have suffered so many tragedies, you are an inspiration to others that you’re still here, still battling on, still helping others.
We can never have too many people to talk to when we are suffering from grief, so the more people she has to listen to her and for her to talk to, the better.
This happened to my daughter when my husband died recently. The only response she received was from the Sue Ryder group. I feel as sorry for your grief stricken friend as I do for my daughter. My heart feels for her. Please let her know she is not alone even though she may feel as though she is right now.
Abdullah bless your heart … you are so kind. I know how desolate and dreadful I have felt. I really wish no one else felt that way… it’s just awful. I think a few kind words from others who understand really helps. I’m always here for anyone. Don’t always see all the posts but I am here. Love to all here, Sue
Dear Pedro521
I am so so sorry for your losses, so incredibly hard & sad for you. I lost my 22 year old son suddenly in June & it’s horrendous, I cry an awful lot too. Like you I sometimes need to hideaway & not make an effort, it is something we need to do at times. Being busy is a good thing but sometimes we have to just be in the moment cry our hearts out. It’s like releasing a valve to then give us a tiny bit of strength to get through the next moments. I hope you have support from other lovely people. Always here to message, sending love and strength to you xx
Hi Rach25 … Thankyou for responding. I’m so sorry you know this pain … it’s just devastating isn’t it. I think you are right … sometimes the only thing to do is just shut ourselves away and let it all out … I hate causing a fuss abd wouldn’t go out if I felt like that. I have walked miles just thinking and crying. Sometimes I just can’t sit still. My husband was here when our sons died each time so we got each other through it … somehow. It was such a shock when my husband died. He had been fit and healthy … then developed pain in his back. Our GP’s were treating him for pleurisy … four different doctors saw him four weeks running and I got the impression they couldn’t understand the pain levels he had. Gave him pain relief … the I had to take him to A and E via ambulance. Eventually he was diagnosed with cancer in his spine and ribs then in almost every other organ in his body. He had three awful awful weeks in an orthopaedic ward. Then he had six peaceful pain free days in the hospice … it was so shocking. The hospice nurses were so kind and caring and at least we had that time together. We had 43 1/2 years of happy marriage but now it’s just awful. Over the winter I’m going to try to start doing stuff for myself/stuff I enjoy doing if I can. It’s so hard to get motivated though. I do have lovely friends and family but my life has changed so much… a huge part of me is missing. I have three grandchildren … the middle one is like his dad all over again. I’m not good at taking care of me … only of others. I hope you are getting support and understanding too. Sending love from me and please don’t be alone…, I’m here any time. Love from Sue
Dear Sue
Thank you too for your kind supportive words. The range of emotions we feel is so confusing and exhausting. The intense waves of pain are just so horrendous. I find messaging here helps me not feel so alone. Thank you to everyone here for the much needed support. Take care & please message anytime xx
Dear Pedro521
So very sorry to hear of the Terrible losses you have suffered, it’s quite unbelievable to lose a child and two is just unbearable I lost my beautiful son aged 23 in June 2 weeks before his birthday and my daughter just before her 19th birthday ten years ago I was kind of coping and had my other 2 children to live for, now my dear son has gone I feel so lost I sometimes get the feelings mixed up with the grief I felt for loosing my daughter then it hits me it’s happened all over again I’m finding it so hard to comprehend, I have also felt walking has helped I still think of everything whilst walking but it gives us ( my husband and I ) a purpose I find as you do sitting still quite hard too much time to think, I have one remaining daughter and have to stay strong for her she too is so very broken my heart aches for her that she must spend the rest of her life without her brother and her sister, life seems to hit some of us much harder than others I feel I am getting through the days but with very little happiness, take care x
Hi Jayne … I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. It’s unbearable isn’t it … I’m glad you have your husband to help you through it. We got through it somehow … took it in turns to be strong I think. Like you … it often hits me like a tsunami … how can they both be gone. And now my husband/soulmate is gone too… how can one person lose their whole family. It’s awful. Yes you have to keep goi g for your remaining g daughter too … must be so hard for her. Sending you live a d strength, Sue
Sue:
Your posts are so inspiring- please keep sharing. Quite how you have the strength is beyond me. I’m so very sorry- such an inadequate word- that you’ve lost your whole family yet you’re still able to offer support to others. That’s a wonderful thing to look outwards to others and not inwards at your own grief.
I try to be like my Mum. She’s lost two grandsons, her daughter in law, my Dad has dementia and is in care as is her brother, my uncle. She’s crippled with RA and osteoporosis yet she keeps on going. This time last year all these people were still with us. Seems like a bomb has gone off. We’re grateful for having known and loved such beautiful souls.
Oh gosh I am so so sorry for your loss. I have just lost my daughter in March of this year and the pain is terrible so I know what are going through. I am not sure I can help you in any way only maybe an ear? Like you I feel so lonely, even though I have friends and family around me. Am not sure what to say as I know no matter what people say it doesn’t take the pain away. We just have to stay strong and I dontry and concentrate on happy memories xx
Hi Purple and thanks for your kind words. You a d your family have been through a lot too. I think I, too,take inspiration from my
Mum … she is 90 a d still so caring about everyone else … my dad has memory loss and hearing problems but she looks after his m so well in spite of her own health not being so good. I feel sorry that she has had to lose two grandsons as well as see me lose my husband, her son in law. I am still here daughter whatever age I am … only two weeks ago I was there (they are in Dorset and I am in Lincoln) with my sister a d she said you do t have to be on your own you can always come ‘home’ you always have a home here with us! Bless her heart … she is so caring. I am not used to taking care of me … only others … so I find it hard. I have PTSD do have episodes of being triggered a d ha ing awful nightmares etc for a few days at a time. People have been so kind and I am thankful for that… today I went out for afternoon tea with our friends … we all used to go out together… they still pick me up once or twice a week and call in for a coffee now and again. I can do everything myself but they will always help if I need it. I think all we can do is keep on keeping on a d help each other tge best way we can. Love from me, Sue
yet you’re still able to offer support to others. That’s a wonderful thing to look outwards to others and not inwards at your own grief.