I have a neck tube with a lock of sues and my hair intertwined and on a chain sues ring which i wear on a chain and i only take it off when I have to.sue goes everywhere with me xx
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That is a nice idea.
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Your not being stupid etc. Its your grief. When its really really bad for me i turn my music up and dance in the house like a fool as we used to do alot of dancing. Gawd its awful to think i will never see him here him giggling behind the cushion while the dog gives me a telling off for being home late from work. The cuddles the list is endless.
They will never understand.
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Morning Gardener1
Yes all the little things we did together only us knew now become part of the bigger things we miss
This grief is so so painful sometimes I think I canāt handle this
Horrendous
Big hugs
Xx
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I understand my lovely. But now, I look at happy couples and remember how happy me and my Mick were before cancer robbed us of many more yearās. However, i find it difficult when i see coupleās arguing and hurting each other, to not bang their heads together, remind them how fortunate they are to be with their loved one and how short life is, one day, one of you is going to lose the other. If only i could take back the harsh words I spoke when cancer came between us and the stress was intolerable. My only comfort was that he died in my arms knowing how loved he was.Processing: FB_IMG_1676981750808.jpgā¦Processing: IMG-20230226-WA0003.jpgā¦Processing: FB_IMG_1677012311287.jpgā¦Processing: Screenshot_20210629-195247_Facebook.jpgā¦
My darling, i so relate to how you are feeling. Its been a years since my beautiful husband died in my arms, i have been having suicidal thoughts this weekend, i just want to be with him. What is keeping me strong is knowing he would want me to live life. He didnt want to leave me. He was coughing up blood, fought to the end. I kissed him on the lips, they were like stone
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Itās such a hard road we are walking , and canāt see it ever getting any easier . Itās two and half year since my husband died . Yes I have had to accept he isnāt coming back , and have had to adapt to living without him . But I really donāt like it one bit . But like you say our partners would want us to live on , so thatās all we can do . I also know the feeling ,like you canāt do this anymore , and just want to be back in partners loving arms . We will one day when itās our time , I have to believe that . My one regret was I wasnāt with my husband when he died. I had asked the hospital to phone me if any change . But they phoned me when he had died . I should of just stopped with him , but I didnāt think he was going to die . Please reach out on this site . We all know how it feels to have those thoughts . Please xtake carex
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Yes such a hard bloody road
I know Paul wouldāve wanted me to āliveā but how?
Known Paul since I was 17 he was my absolute life 19 months on itās sheer daily heāll
Love to all who understand
Xx
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Yes I cry daily still after 15 months. Just know I need to move on bit by bit to adjust.
We used to say what are we grateful for? When life was tough.
I am trying to do it now.
Well here is what I Came up with
I am grateful for I had a life with memories.
For my two grown up sons and my three grandsons
For my home and garden
My pet cat
Being able to to do what I can do
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Can anyone help me . My son is still with me and he is visibly still struggling at 10 months since my husband died . I have a sad face most days and itās a one way conversation . He can be mad at me . Just now I was coming out of carpark and he said I was going to hit the next car and I wasnāt . I started doing the same back not talking he said whats up and stormed out of house . I have had only a couple of hours sleep as I worked last night . What can I do with him . Any advice please
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Hi
Daft question but have you thought of bereavement counselling for himā¦ā¦
Xx
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My husband was my 1st true love.and i his. He suddenly passed.away may 2022.
We used to do alot of dancing and gardening together. I think your son is in a very bad way.
The only way forward for you both is finding what you all liked doing together and build on that as a memory going forward. Something enjoyable.
I was told go to counciling but having strangers telling me what is what and how i am supposed to be feeling and all matter of things i thought no. My grief is private and mine alone.
I found that my passion was my garden and being in it is bliss and total therapy along with my new hobby. Beekeeping. Perhaps a hobby done between the two of you will break down the hard walls.
I am still in grief and sometimes its hard but i have to keep going.
Your son needs time to work this out his way but a mum who can guide a little is the best mum in the world. Good hobby and patience is all thats required along with a good ear to listen when needed.
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No you are not being selfish , you are dealing with things in your own way
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You are not stupid, or selfish. Only you know what/how you feel. Just over 11 months since I lost my soul mate. I go to work, I go out with friends, I laugh, I put on my āpublicā face. I know that is what he would have wanted. Not a single person has asked what do I want! I know the answerās obvious, I want him. We were together 22 years. He fought cancer, valiantly, for 17 of those years. We discussed life āafter himā, he was stubborn, even when they said he didnāt have much time left, he kept going. I feel guilty that he fought so hard, Iām sure he mostly did it for me, even when the treatment was almost intolerable. You do you. No one will ever understand how youāre feeling until they go through the same thing themselves. And this is a place with so much pain/desolation/darkness/loneliness/heartbreak that I wouldnāt wish it on my worst enemy! On the plus side I can starfish in bed, if I can get the dog to move. All the very best for the future, as desolate as it may seem!
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Oh yes my darling. The āpublic faceā The āwork faceā And for me, people thinking im over losing my husband & soulmate, that im moving on, simply because somebody made me laugh out loud and offered me a reprieve from my grief, as if that moment of laughter stripped my grief away. Its been a year and Iāve only just begun the journey of grief. I have been in shock since my husband took his last, painful breath in my arms. Michael was my world and I was his. I have no family and so i feel as if Iāve lost my husband, best friend and family all in one go. A triple bereavement. I am so grateful for the life journey we shared. It wasnt always easy but it was OUR journey and we lived for each other, were besotted. Im trying to accept that grief is love. Because love came first. Sending big love and healing hugs to you all xxx
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I so feel for you. You are both struggling. How about suggest a stay at home takeaway meal night just you two, let your son know you are there to offload how he is feeling right now. In doing so, if he accepts your offer, you may well find that he wants to reach out to you too? We all grieve in our own way and more often than not, it seems we turn our back on those who care, in anger, and we refuse to reach out those who are closest to us, maybe because we know how bad they are hurting too and we dont want to offload our grief onto THEIR grief? One of you needs to reach out. If we think abou it, your son has no idea how you feel to have lost our husband, you have no idea how your son feels to have lost his dad. Reach out to him my darling. In turn, I believe your relationship will become stronger and you will support and help each other to heal xxx
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Hi Annalisa
You and me both
I lost Paul to cancer July 22 we had no family I feel alone isolated and unprotected
He was my rock and vice versa together since I was 17 married 44 years
I would say Iām functioning cos we have to but not living just existingā¦ā¦
The reason to live has gone
My heart in pieces totally bereft
No one absolutely no one unless they are in our position knows what we feel like and even then some have children we did not
I miss Paul with all my heart Iām not coping at all
I know he would want me to but how?
Take care
Xx
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Oh lovely Bess
My heart is breaking for you my darling. I know this may sound selfish, but right now, im so grateful that i dont have family. Im struggling to function and look after myself. Im grateful to not put how im feeling on anyone else on top of looking after āfamilyā when I am self neglecting last 13 months? Lovely lady, i understand more than you know, how life feels less precious without our amazing husbands. All we can do is appreciate that thoughout everything they endured, they didnt want to leave us. And we need to honour them by taking every breath we breathe, for them, live life, for them, in their memory. Live life the way we did when they were with us, just as they did for us, before they passed? Not easy my love, once my day at work is done and i am home, im a recluse, shut myself away from the phone and door bell. I feel as if without Michael, ive lost myself? He helped me to discover myself, helped me to be confident? I just dont know who I am anymore without him. All of the person he helped me become has relapsed into someone I dont recognise. Do you feel the same? Just roll with it beautiful lady. We cant turn back time. And even if we could, would we do anything different? I doubt it. Because we did our best and gave our all didnt we? What more could we have done for our loved ones? How privilaged we were to have loved and cared for them? Xxxxx
Oh Annalisa I feel exactly the same
Why does God take the bestā¦ā¦ my DNA was in/ with Paul and God took me to
Our Dr said to me a few days before Paul passed ā youāll be fine youāve had a good job ā¦. Youāll be ok
I said āno I wonāt Iāve done this because Paul was there we were a teamā
Now gone and I like you 99% of me went with Paul
Iām utterly lost
Iām retired Paul never did he was a farmer and worked 5 weeks up to his passing
He loved his job
He did everything for me
He looked out for me constantly and with 100%
I have no one
I want Paul I want our life I want his company
I miss him so much
Like you I donāt know who I am
I talk to him constantly go to bed with his Rab coat
I cannot comprehend he is gone and Iāll never see speak touchā¦ā¦ the list is endless
Annalise you know exactly what I mean
I too am a recluse itās safer at home no couples no one laughing joking living I suppose and I am jealous
We moved 10 days before Paul died he said āIāll get you movedā
He so did he fought to see moving day and like you I was privileged to look after him and do everything for him ā¦ā¦I know he appreciated that and it wouldāve been vice versa
I could write for ever
He didnāt went far too soon ā¦.68
All our plans snatched away ā¦ brutalā¦ā¦
Thank you for reading your kind words and understanding
Take care
Xx
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Hi Jol,
There is always a person who is close to us and we always listen to them, respect them as somehow the bond developed over a period of time. That person is not necessarily the parents, or relatives but maybe a childhood friend, or an distant uncle or aunt or maybe a neighbor. This is the person who can talk to you son and make him see things. You have to step aside and give that person leeway to deal with your son. I tried with my son in this way after my wifeās death in Aug 2023 due to cancer.
Regards,
Sanjit,
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People keep telling me that it gets easier over time .but it doesnāt does it.all i want is my beautiful gorgeous wife sue back .it just feels like i,m going through the motions of day to day living when I canāt give a monkeys but i made sue a promise to carry on fighting for life but some days I really struggle to carry on but I will honour my promise to sue.i cant imagine another 20 odd years of being without sue .sorry for the rant
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