Fed up people telling me what to do

I’m glad I joined this group, there are so many ‘me too’ comments. Can’t walk the dog without crying is another one.

4 Likes

Exactly, why should people tell you when they don’t have the experience of losing their loved one?there soulmate. I’m the same as you. I get fed up of people say you should be doing this and that. What do they no they go home to there husband. We go back to a empty house. When you lose your life partner, the day, they die you die with them. I lost my Hubbie 16 September 2021 been together 47 years. You take care. Xx

3 Likes

Foreveryoung81
I totally get this funnily enough I was explaining to a friend the other day that I do get jealous when I see the likes of my family who still have partners when I visit and see the table being set for them to share evening meal together two wine glasses two plates and so on it does break my heart as I said to my friend I will never have this again myself she said Oh you never know in my head all I could thing was a very bad swear word haha :slight_smile: X

5 Likes

Yeh seeing other couples is a pain in the arse isnt it ? Its like salt in the wound … ive noticed i am being drawn to single people now because they get it more or meeting people when partners not there ! xx

4 Likes

Was only talking about this to a lady today. They think it’s so easy to move on. My Hubbie was my first boyfriend and I married him. Love of my life. I alway correct people by saying there will be nobody else for me. It is a very lonely life. Take each day see we’re it take you and how you are on that day. Xxx

4 Likes

Deb5 your spot on it is a pain in the ass when I see it my heart feels like it is being squeezed so tight it hurts all over again but like you yes I feel drawn towards single people also as they do seem to get it I had someone tell me she is no longer invited to certain nights out or holidays because it is a couples thing aargh :rage: xx

5 Likes

Yeh i worked that out early on tbh … to avoid couples at all costs xx

4 Likes

Deb5 i find the same thing. go downstairs and then realise sue isn’t in the kitchen or on the sofa thats when tears hit me.really miss cuddles from sue .especially when I was told on Wednesday morning that the orthopaedic trauma consultant told me that he didn’t have the skills to sort out my right leg and needed to be referred to another specialist who specialises in amputee problems because my right knee is twisting badly over

4 Likes

Aw … youre having a tough time arent you medically :frowning: its hard enough grieving !! Yes its hard isnt it martyn when youre so used to that person being there :frowning: i had a meltdown today as missing him just sat with me in the lounge :frowning: it was a horrible day here in yorkshire and rained all day :frowning: but u got a good daughter is it who looks after you ? Xx

3 Likes

Deb5 rained all here in east Yorkshire. My daughter and stepson dave plus family are really supportive and if they think i am overdoing it i get told off

3 Likes

Thats good you have them :slight_smile:

3 Likes

Hi wifey 1
Just read you post of 5 days ago
All I can say is
That’s me exactly!
Xx

3 Likes

The only people who says these things to us are those who have never lost their beloved husbands, wives, sons ,daughters or other close relative.
They say it because they think they should. People don’t think before they open their mouths. I have had exactly the same things said to me by my own family.!

5 Likes

I bought a weighted blanket from Ebay. Supposed to help with anxiety and depression. I’d be lost without it. It really feels as if you are being hugged and on these dark, lonely nights alone in our bed since my beautiful husband passed away in February, it offers some comfort, however small. Highly recommend.

5 Likes

Hi All
Paul had a Rab coat I have that in bed with me I cuddle that ( yes and cry)
Whatever works to ‘help’ …. Do it!
Xx

5 Likes

I lost my Judith 27th September 2021 after 32 years together. Heartbreaking. xx

2 Likes

Bess1 i have one of my gorgeous beautiful wife sues nighties folded up on her pillow and a Teddy bear that was given to us by a close friend who is now classed as family

2 Likes

I lost my wife 27 months ago tomorrow. It still feels like yesterday. The first 6 months, including over the Christmas period, were absolutely dreadful. I’m sure many people on this site would understand if I described it as very painful, like being punched in the stomach, every day . What I have been told, is that it can take anything up to five years to come to terms with the loss of a spouse, a partner. The thought that I have to grieve like this for another five years, is very daunting. I have tried to distract myself by learning how to cook, reading, going out to as many community group and Church meetings as I can fit in the week, reading, watching television documentaries.
I think grieving has no time limit, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way, one just does it in one’s own time and fashion. Nothing is ever the same, we just have to try and be happy in our own company, and love ourselves. Anniversaries are particularly difficult, and public holidays. I often freeze at the sound or sight of something that reminds me of what I used to enjoy with her, could be a music track, a picture of our favourite place we went to on holiday.
I still have all her clothes in the drawers and wardrobe, I haven’t been able to do anything with them, because as soon as I start, I just let it go.
I’ve done all the “right” things that are recommended, getting out and about, meeting people, socialising. But one can be in a room full of people and yet still feel utterly alone. Luckily I have the company of a wee dog who is very clingy, a minature Yorkie, who goes to most places with me, especially on the sofa! She knows my moods and all my secrets.
My late wife and I met each other on the internet in September 2001 when I was in England, we fell deeply in love, I moved over to Northern Ireland for Christmas, and never returned to London.
Anyway, enough of me rambling. Here on this site I have learned that there are many people who are struggling much more than myself, and are in a very dark place. We are all suffering greatly, I am in my mid seventies, I dread the thought of feeling this lonely for the rest of my days, but I have come to terms with it. It’s all in God’s hands, and His plans are the best ones, if it is His will for me to meet anyone, then so be it.
I wish you all the best for the future, we are a broad community here, and I think there is a lot of empathy and love from everyone, because we all know how difficult it is
God Bless you with peace and understanding in your life, thanks for listening

4 Likes

I had a memory blankets made of all my husbands Star Wars T-shirts, and I take that to bed with me at nights whatever brings your comfort. Xx

3 Likes

I wear my wife’s bed socks at night and some of her jewellery during the day. As has been said, whatever brings comfort.

2 Likes