I say it is entirely up to the individual what they want to do that makes them feel better within themselves after losing a loved one I myself had a cushion made out of my hubbies shirts he used to wear and it goes nearly everywhere with me and to be totally honest is soaked with tears but it is my comfort cushion and I do not care what anyone thinks plus I have a little chat with him when I go to bed at night to tell him what ive been doing that day and I do what my Son tells me all the time “You do you” 
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Definitely say how your feeling. I had to remove a friend on Facebook today as all she did was keep sending links to dating and swinger site .asked her to stop and all i got was you should be moving on and be over my gorgeous beautiful wife sues passing on .my reply was unrepeatable.set me right back today.i also say good morning and goodnight to sues photos and post a goodnight and morning to my gorgeous beautiful wife sues Facebook account which I had to set to remembering after someone tried to hack it
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Martyn2, i agree, the rain here in East Yorkshire seems to be going on forever this year. Makes you feel down. I used to love heavy rain. My husband used to laugh at me and say ’ you’re watching the dancing dollies again!’ I found the rain so relaxing when he was here. Take care.
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Exactly Woman50
Be yourself!
Xx
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@Kingo I don’t think it’s daft. I send WhatsApp messages to my husband of 40 years (46 and half years together) daily. I lost him 9 weeks and 1 day now. Do whatever brings you comfort.
Sending you love and hugs. x
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Thanks makes me think that I am not the only one who sniffs my wife’s comforter or her scarf and sending her Whatsapp message knowing that there won’t be any reply. It feels comforting and peace rather than what other ppl suggest – Go out, make new friends, drink coffee, watch people or develop a new hobby.
Thanks to the members of this group, who resonate with my feelings.
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I even told people not to tell me what to do and that it has the opposite result but it makes no difference still keep on and on about what they think. I said if I wanted to I would. Then when I wanted to do something I got the opposite response like all the negative stuff. I said I can make my own mind up after all. Some people seem to be control freaks who cant stop trying to run your life their way. Just because I attended a bereavement course they assumed I was going to do everything else I used to do that I am not doing now. As if I had not chosen to do different things. Just because I do not choose to say what I am doing. Some people keep saying I am wrong to prefer zoom and online things.
I find it so much easier. Especially when I do not have to make an effort. I can just turn off the screen if I want to and still listen and go in and out much easier than attending in reality. I quite like video calls as well. I am not into coffee shop time at a certain time. Not into large gatherings.
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Kittycat i also ask sue if i,m cooking it right when i am not sure about it.seems like.sues watching over me as it turns out ok most of the time lol
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I feel guilty when I swipe away the photos of my daughter and husband when they pop up on my iPad. I just can’t bear to look at them.
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I think georgiegirl guilt is a big part of grief as when we do anything that feels not right in our minds straight away we feel guilt this grief we feel is so very hard to understand it plays with your heart and your mind but please do not feel so guilty I know easier said than done but just try to think your loved ones would fully understand I think the reasons for this action Take care x
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Hi
Embrace and Everyone
Do what is right for for you
You have to get through this
Grief for us all is sheer hell
Xx
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Totally agree - I keep being told ‘…it’s what Christine would have wanted…’ - how can anyone possibly know? It’s emotional blackmail
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Welcome Dazzeman
You are so right I get that also
How the hell do they know
Sometimes think folk obviously don’t know what to say so they say whatever ‘they’ think is right
Or they want us to hear
Only ‘us’ know what is right
And being left in a heartbroken grief stricken place is so not right
I miss Paul so so much it hurts constantly
Here we all feel the same and know what that feels like
Hell!
Xx
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Yes we dont really know what they would have said only what sort of thing they usually used to say in similar circumstances. Makes me feel better to think he might like it. At other times I do not care anyway. Just very sensitive to everything at the moment.
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Hi Enorac
So true
I’m like you extremely sensitive…….
Xx
Yes you are right. I was writing a fairy story and stupidly told someone who has no idea what it is like to be in the same boat and the reply was start living your fairy story and stop living in the past. So I replied ok I get it I will not mention it again. You do not understand because you have not experienced it. Truth fed up with me saying it. So do I just pretend like everyone else says? Life is not really a fairy story.
I do not know how to make fairy stories be like that in real life. I can perhaps create it for kids. Where you wave a magic wand and it all changes for a little while.
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Hi
If only we had that magic wand
Our other half would be here now
No fairy tale ending for any of us here
My counsellor has always said to me
Don’t say your fine when your not
So since Paul passed July 2022
I say
I’m struggling or I’m finding it very difficult
16 months on I’m saying that and I’ll continue
If folks ( friends!) think I should be ‘getting on with life’ so be it
I’m not I carnt and yes I’m struggling big time
Xx
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I lost my gorgeous beautiful wife sue on the 1st February this year. Getting sick of people saying that i should be getting on with life .my answer is no i dont think i can move on with my life.everybody says it will get easier over time but it feels like its getting harder and harder to keep going.i will admit to being tearful most days.dont think i will ever get over loosing sue.
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I know how you feel I just can’t get over losing my husband in may. I just want him back, hard to believe I will never see him ever again x
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I feel just the same people think I should be feeling better if only they we’re going through the feelings I am.
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