Well thats done me in ! Got some xmas stuff out of the bloody attic today ! My husbands job ! Balling my eyes out ! Why isnt he here ? Why couldnt i save him 
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Thinking of you @Deb5, sending best wishes and thoughts of comfort.
I wish I had answers. I would share them if I did. x
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Thatās what hurts the most for me - as her husband, it was my job to protect her and, hard as I tried, I couldnāt do it. I failed
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Flipping is ! Thats so true xxx
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Eeh I find this totally disrespectful sending those links to you Martyn2 All i can say is sit back and wait you never wish anything on anyone but to be so insensitive well they deserve karma who are they to say you should be moving on this it was your wife you lost not just a random person and I do not blame you what so ever in a unrepeatable answer but I totally get it setting you back it does this is another thing these so called friends do not get that one thing said to you can set you right back ;-(
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Hey babe, you didnt fail. You did your best to protect and provide for her. I tried my best also but had days when I lost it, felt I wasnt enough for what he needed 
You didnt fail babe, you were a hero in her darkest hour, she transitioned to a beautiful place because of you. Never forget that. You never failed. Your loss brought life and hope, a reason to keep moving forward in memory of those we lost xxz
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Yes it does make it worse when people tell you to move on. I agree it is the wrong thing to say and puts me off moving on having people say things I donāt want go hear.
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No magic wand Iām afraid
We can only move on when āweā are ready
Might never be ready
Who knows
All I know itās bloody hard
lol
Xx
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Oh yes lovely Hazell, how many times have I been told to join an arts class, go to yoga. Worse than that, āStay strongā I was strong for my beautiful Mick for 4 years, holding down a job while nursing him in between (im 55, he was 75) It was bloody exhausting but I never resented a moment of it, it was a privilage to look after and care for my man 
Anyone there for me now he has gained his wings? No one. If they truly had been his friends, they would be there for me. My heart is broken beyond repair. I just want to be with my beautiful husband, hold his hands again. My only reprieve was that he died in my arms in his hospital bed, i was curled up with him. His death was painful physically for him, emotionally for me. I just pray he passed knowing how loved he was and always will be xxx
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Annalisa i can sympathise with you on people who say start saying you really need to start getting out and about or as you say stay strong and the one that really annoys me is when they say it gets easier with time
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Hi Martyn 2
Yes that time saying gets to me
How the heck do they know
Another one ā you are doing wellā ( WHAT!) and youāll get there again how do they know
And Annalisa Iām with you
The pain is excruciatingā¦ā¦
Itās the never again getting to me
Iāve been in tears all day dressing gown till 2pm
2 years today we saw Dr and he told us he thought it was cancer ā¦ā¦z and so it begun
Can remember every second of every day from then till Paul passed 24th July 2022
I want to sleep from now till start of January
Iām remembering Christmas past and I want more ā¦ā¦. Never again
Sorry for a downer post folks Iām just completely bereft and lost
Bigs hugs to all
Xx
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I totally understand what you are saying. I want to hibernate till 2024 . I cannot have Christmas with my daughter and son as they dont get on. My adult son lives with me and if i go to my daughter i canāt leave him on his own for Christmas, first one without his dad. Its my sonās fault him and sister dont get on but its do hard as their mother. I hope it goes very quickly.
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Hereās a question - anyone else had enough? Thereās nothing to look forward to in the next year/5 years/10 years.
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I donāt want to see a new year in x this one has been the worst ever. I canāt cope
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Yes Dazzaman ME!
I donāt look beyond the next few days let alone me in 5/ 10 years
I know itās a cliche but it is a fact of one day at a time
A very lonely āalone existence which I wouldnāt wish on anyone
To have a soulmate for 48year married 44 and then be expected to survive without them ā¦ā¦is absolutely heartbreaking
Even that word doesnāt truly suggest the anguish and pain we are in
The other thing I donāt like folk to say
You sound brighterā¦ā¦.
Take care
Xx
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PS Debbie 25
Same here
Time moving on 2022 soon 2024 everyday leaving Paul behind
I bloody hate this
Xx
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Hi @Bess1,
Yup, it is just ghastly. I feel the same.
I too can vividly remember everything that happened from the start of diagnosis to my beloved Christineās death on 6th January 2022. It is awful. Memories can be triggered or just arise unbidden. Crushing.
Best wishes to you.
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