One day at a time @Amy1982 … even an hour at a time. Grief can be so debilitating. Take care of yourself xxx
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I am so sorry for all of you on this site . We are coping with such a terrible loss. No one knows unless it happens to them do they
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No they don’t know, they think they do it’s hard both ways, they think they help by saying nice things but I’m not sure it really helps
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I just wonder if some people can even be bothered to care half the time. People are so busy getting on with things! Its such a selfish world these days i find. So all we can do is do our best at looking after ourselves . I think grief makes you angry too. Angry at the world for taking your lover and for not being fair. I never thought it would be so difficult without him. I relied on his love and support so much more than i realised. But then we do dont we because they are our husbands. Take good care of yourselves all of you - lets hope our broken hearts mend a bit - day by day xxx
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I wish there were magic words that i could whisper to help with this pain we are all experiencing, a wand perhaps but would i want to wave it?
This pain we are all feeling is the result of loving someone so much that it makes it hards to breathe in and out now and waving the wand would take this feeling away.
Yes i would have him here in a heart beat, i still have thoughts, especially on days like these where it hasn’t stop raining, to join him, anything to be with him, to be held by him again, to feel his heart beat against my hand but the result from my actions would give someone else this pain i have…i couldnt do that to them especially our children…a mother is a protector of her family not the cause of pain. I have to bear it there is no choice for us. Does what i am writing make any sense? I am sending everyone a huge 
xxx
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It all makes sense I feel totally the same. So many dreams shattered. I would go to my les in a heartbeat
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That feeling will pass you know … it will get easier ! But its a hard journey im not gonna lie. 10 months into this its still tough xxx
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That’s the most comforting message, just to think that the grief might ease a bit over time, it comes in massive waves at the moment but it’s only been a month so far and it feels unbearable x
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Hi everybody. I know how many of you are suffering right now and my heart goes out to you all. Im now 6 months in from the loss of my wonderwonderful husband Jonathan and instead of things getting any better they are getting worse. Does anyone else find this? I am at a loss to deal with the intensity of the pain, day after day, despite counselling and family support. I sometimes have to turn to alcohol which i know is bad butbit does temporarily numb the pain. I just dont know how to go on. Everything died when my husband died.
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I know exactly how you feel. The alcohol does numb things in the short term but it will increase your anxiety and make everything worse. It is really hard but if you are having a bad day come and chat on here. You have been through enough. Be kind to yourself. Sending love. Xxx
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Thank you Billie7. Thats very kind of you to respond. Some days i can do things but some days i just cant motivate at all. Sending you love for caring x
I must admit I relied very heavily on alcohol for the first couple of months but sometimes it felt that it made things worse, particularly the following day. I can hear my Keef saying to me, “Now just remember alcohol is a depressant so won’t make you feel better!”. I have now got into a routine where I socialise a couple of times a week and have a few drinks. I’m coming up to trying to live for nearly 9 months now and there are many days when I feel that I just can’t cope. I think it’s normal if you’ve really been close to someone, I was with my Keef for nearly 44 years so it’s a big hole. We just need to accept that some days are okay and some are awful. Take care xx
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We do have to accept that i agree … and yeh alcohol is a depressant and can make you feel worse but a little bit is ok. Ive never found it helps me particularly. We just have to take care of ourselves really. Thats the key. Lots and lots of self care Xx
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I find it really hard to motivate myself some days. It is all I can do to make a cup of tea and little things upset me so much. I relied on alcohol but then I just felt miserable and poorly although I can see why the numbing affect is desirable. I am trying to go for walks and have baths instead and like Deb says lots of self care but don’t beat yourself up if you cannot do it some days. This is a hell of a long process and not one we chose. Lots of love. Xx
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Thanks Billie, Guiinea Pig and Deb for your kind responses. I haven’t had anything to drink since last Saturday nights big binge where i got paralytic. I dont even enjoy drink and have to eat crisps to take the taste away. I wish there was a pill which just took away the pain for a few hours now and then. I just get very down (i suffer from depression anyway and am on very strong antidepressants) with the thought of the years ahead without my wonderful husband. Thank you for listening. X
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I’m off out in a bit to our local micropub and I will probably end up drinking a bit, but not too much. If I have too much I always get very down the following day so I’m trying very hard to limit my consumption. As the beginning of this journey I was getting through a bottle of wine every night followed by a few spirits! I feel a little more in control now but try to be aware when I’m feeling a bit more vulnerable which usually means I drink too much! I’ve got things lined up for the weekend, which is good, because I always find weekends very hard. Most people don’t understand and seem to think after a few months we should be “normal”, whatever that is! Take care xx
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I haven’t hit the bottle yet, i am not sure if i would be able to stop plus it means going out to the shop to buy it and i am not up for that yet.
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I haven’t drunk any alcohol as I know it will make my emotions worse. Though I do eat a lot of comfort food and put on a lot of weight.
Just a horrible journey that we are all on… big hugs xx
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We are all coping in the best way we can, I can’t eat, I feel sick most of the time, don’t know how to deal with this grief yet, my worst time is when I wake up in the night or morning with new realisation that my husband had gone.
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I find the nights terrible and waking up and it takes a split second to realise he is not next to me and the pain is awful. I have struggled to keep food down and have lost a lot of weight but TBH I just don’t care. X
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