Happy, that would be nice when was that? X
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The best I hope for is being able to function. I feel numb then. It is only when I am alone that I go to bits. I donāt know which is worse. I feel like I am sleepwalking through things most of the time. X
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So true think this is normal for a while. Take care x
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Hi all I know that automatic feeling of doing everything like a robot but it just feels meaningless. My grief counsellor says i should try to find joy in things again but i only do thrm to keep me busy. I dread getting ill and not being able to do things. I keep making rash decisions and impulse buying. I am spending far too much money but its just another thing to occupy myself with. Take care, everyone x
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@Pudding really 5 months! I remember when you first came on this site and it doesnāt seem that long ago. Time seems to be going fast but sometimes it feels like I lost my husband a long time ago and other days it feels like yesterday. Time is definitely moving forward but feel like I am stuck in this horrendous journey. Xx
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I understand that feeling . Sometimes it feels so long ago and then it feels like the day it happened. Such a difficult and painful road for us all
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Well the good news I am better today. I had a reasonable nights sleep and my knee hasnāt hurt much for 3 days now.
Now all I have to do is get rid of an emperor sized duvet and buy a new duvet, mattress cover and sheets and the spare is available for guests although I will try and get it decorated. My neighbour has said they will take the duvet to the tip next time they go.
Conservatory nearly sorted as well. Still got to go through the desk. Dreading the cable drawer.
Found a whole load more Masonic items so e mailed the lodge and someone will come up to collect and for a natter. Found a whole load more of out of date stuff which I have binned. Been a productive day all in all.
Tomorrow a.m I have an Asda delivery and friend coming.
This weekend if it doesnāt rain I am really going to try the garage.
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That sounds really productive. You have got a lot done. In fact you have inspired me to stop moping and tidy my wardrobe so thanks. I am going to do an hour and at least I have done something. Xxx
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Your grief councillor sounds a bit out of touch with reality, telling you to go out and find joy. What does she expect you to do? Search under bushes, behind dustbins, in the shops? Iām sure she means well, but Iām afraid I would have been tempted to give her a smack where it hurts!
My husband died more than three years ago. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but I carried on with my life so as not to upset my family, who adored him (and me, apparently)! In reality, I just wanted to curl up and die. I have discovered that you canāt look for happiness, and I havenāt been truly happy since that dreadful day, even though itās not been all doom and gloom. My life is incomplete without him, and I will never be the same again but some things I do make me feel a bubble of excitement, and thatās good, until I feel upset that heās not there to share them with me. Happiness is now a shadow of its former self but I have had to learn that itās all Iām going to get and I must make the best of it.
At home alone, I am coping but I must admit that most evenings I go on YouTube and play Johnny Mathis songs. Ironical, because Tony wasnāt keen on his voice at all (not many men are, Iām told). The songs are often quite sad and make me cry but his smooth voice seems to bring me comfort of sorts in spite of that. There is one song of his that we both liked, about a special Sunday, as that was the day we met.
I donāt have the answer to finding happiness but I have come to the conclusion that being as content as possible, remembering happy times, but also allowing yourself to have sad days, all help.
Hugs to all of us in this situation.
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Well said about the counsellor thatās surly not great advice, we are all looking to survive , happiness is a way off yet.
Keep up the good work
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Wow pudding you are on a roll, sounds very promising
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I must admit I have amazed myself how much I got through today in different bits. Probably get nothing done tomorrow.
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Thank you Kathy. Iāll try x
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Thank you @AnnR for your post . I am at 5 1/2 months now and I agree with all you have said . I am filling my time as much as I can because the reality is I am totally lost without my husband . I donāt want people saying how well I am doing because inside I am completely devastated. I canāt think about the future empty life I will have
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I know how you feel. I am doing things but feel like I am going through the motions. There doesnāt seem to be much point without him. I hope things will get better but I canāt see it at the moment. I donāt say anything to people because I know people are doing there best( well, some) and I donāt want to be ungrateful. Keep your chin up, you are really strong although some days you donāt feel it. Xxx
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All of my carers are lovely. The company I started with had an excellent reputation. When they were about to be absorbed by a company with a less than stellar rep they all moved to another company with their same ideals and took all of their clients with them. They are used to my foibles now.
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Youāre welcome.
Try not to think too far ahead. Time does help you cope even though the devastation stays. Somehow, your body adapts, so donāt dread it. Itās been a ridiculously short time for you and I do remember how it felt. I canāt explain it but it does get better as your brain begins to adapt to the truth. It sounds unbelievable but I find that, even though I am in tears a lot, miss him all the time and would give anything to have him back, life still sometimes surprises me. I even find myself laughing now and again!
Do you keep a daily journal? If not, perhaps you might benefit from starting one. I find it a help to write how I feel, and I even find myself feeling like Iām yelling as I scribble the emotions down. Any old exercise book will do but sometimes itās nice to write in a notebook with a pretty cover. Writing such a diary doesnāt seem right on a laptop, somehow.
Itās good youāre doing stuff. I do too. We canāt give in! Hugs, Ann
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Believe me the company and my carers know how much they are appreciated. I have even recommended them on Facebook. I occasionally have to be a bit flexible in time.
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Thanks for all your responses. You are all so helpful. I have today been offered some CBT to help me with my (very) negative thoughts, so hopefully that will help as i exhausted myself today trying to keep busy and sane! Love to you all xxx
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It is silly but just having achieved something makes me feel better
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