There has to be somewhere. I tell myself that, but trying to find it through the pain of our losses, is extremely difficult, I agree.
I try to focus on tiny things, especially as it is spring time. My darling would be pottering in the garden, planting, tidying up pots and the other day I tried to do it for her. Initially it was so painful, I couldn’t see what I was doing through the tears, but I continued and tidied the pot and hoped she would approve.
Today the new shoots are showing and I know how pleased she would be that I hadn’t abandoned them. I have no idea what they are, but I’m glad I made the effort……
A tiny thing I know, but there can be many of these during the day, when I can see a tiny bit of hope………
It can then all be blown away again by something else and I weep and wail, but I try oh so hard not to give up hope for the pain to ease…….
Being scared is a ‘normal’ response to our devastating loss I think. The anxiety of facing life without them is overwhelming, but I never give up hope that the pain will ease a little and the good memories will prevail sometime……
So my long rambling answer to your question is, yes there is hope and we must hold on to it, but in a way that is realistic and comforting for us……
Take care of yourself ………please.
This community is really highlighting how important that is…….
Absolutely 
.
It’s 3 months for me and I do have much brighter days. I still get upset but the days are easier to get through.
The beginning weeks felt so hard and raw and I’d never cried so much in my life. I wailed, I screamed , shouted etc and it was all consuming. My parents came to stay with me and we went out most days for a small walk.
I could never imagine how I would get through the day, let alone get here 3 months on but here I am. I’m surviving.
I think death is about falling apart, you have to fall apart so you can rebuild yourself. I know I am not the same person anymore, I will never be that person again, but I have learnt that I am recovering and surviving too, because same as @Ali29, there are brighter days almost 4 months on. We are all survivors here, take comfort @AlysonandSteve you will too. With love and hugs xx
@sandi I disagree hun my life now after 16 weeks and 4 days is empty and dark And I just exist wanting my little Sue back. No future, no present. Just the past . Never have I felt so alone. So please dont say to me “we are all with you dave” I understand Every one on here have lost a loved one. But as soon as we log off here and return to an empty house empty life I am alone as we all are.
@Dave13 I’m still on your page at the minute 
I am having EDMR therapy on Monday , it’s supposed to be good at getting rid of bad images & I cannot get the way I found Bry out of my head . Don’t want him out of my head for one minute , just that image as right now it’s blocking out the smiley Bry that I love so much so here’s hoping 
x
@Dave13
Nobody can advise anyone on how we as individuals should feel, we can only relate to others if they feel the same and if they don’t that’s ok because we all have one thing in common, loss of a loved one. . Grief is very personal to the individual. All any of us can do is try and support each other in the best way we can. Your feelings are valid because they are yours alone. I am just going to send you a big hug
Lyn
X
@Dave13 I think we are survivors because we are still here. Each of us in different places and our experiences and feelings personal to us. I am sorry if my post came across as anything different. xx
@PollyjaneW so sorry my hun. When my Sue was put on E.O .L care she was in a private room with a shower so I never had to leave her my sisters would just bring my clothes. I held my Sues hand constantly for over a week and played her 60s music she struggled for breath over the last couple of days. But now and again would give my hand a little squeeze I love her so much. Anyway she just stopped breathing just me and my Sue alone I held her hand for 30 or so mins then told the nurse I am very grateful. Her passing was so silent and very clean no mess at all. The doctor came and removed the 3 locked drug drivers. And left me alone with her. I am so sorry your Bri was not as lucky at his end and I do hope they can help you with the bad images in your memory. So sorry hun. Take care a big hug back at you dave
@Milly456
What a fantastic post, thank you. That is so like the way I am moving forwards, small step by small step.
We are all different and each situation is unique but we tend to have some things in common with others on here.
For me it is just over a year and life IS easier to bear. I would never have thought I could laugh again but I do. I enjoy some times, others I am still tearful but generally improved.
Love to all
Karen xxx
Thank you so much . I’m so glad you got to sit with your lovely Sue. There’s no easy way or harder way to lose a loved one . My dad passed very suddenly 6 years ago . Brys mum 7 years ago , we were all with her and I’m not sure which I would have preferred. Probably bitter sweet but maybe bit of both I’d that makes sense , would’ t wanted him to suffer but not felt Robbed with not having the chance to say a proper goodbye xxx
I’m generally seeing a pattern and it gives me hope. Three months on and I’m different from that first really awful couple of months when I was crying on and off most of the time. I yelled and screamed and wailed and writhed all over the bed it was so painful. I couldn’t have believed I could behave like that. (Good job we’re detached.) I still cry ever day, usually more than once, but in between I am learning to fill my head with other things. He will always be there with me. If I want to think about him I can. There’s the garden needs work, I’ve started baking for the family, I’ve bought 3 cross stitch kits to make birth records for the grandchildren, I’ve bought a harness for the dog so she can sit on the back seat of my little car. (She was always transported in a crate in the boot of his estate. I’ve got a list of things that need clearing out, and I don’t mean his clothes, I can’t touch them yet. In short I’m doing a lot more than I used to. Being busy and occupied stops you thinking so much and it’s making your new life alone. A new life alone is what we have to accept and face up to. We won’t feel any better till we do. Yes it’s hard, but it’s the hand we’ve been dealt.
@Catherine1234 loneliness is a crowded room. 18 weeks and 1 day now since my Sue passed away. I am so lonely why do we allow ourselves to go through this pain. All my children are grown and have family to help them get over another death. But I want to see my grandchildren (my sue loved them) grow up. And I do not believe we will be reunited after death. The moment my Sue passed all her memory’s stopped. She doesn’t remember my love, or her pain in life. My Sue is in a empty void. (Please stop the world I want to get off) dont worry i wouldn’t I have my family to think of.
Dave I feel exactly the same. My Rich has only been gone for 4 weeks and 2 days and I’m feeling worse and worse. Neither of us believed you go on in some way after death so there’ s no comfort in talking to him or expecting to be reunited. It’s just me and my 2 lovely kids who are barely adults. They are literally all that matters to me and thank god I have them, they’re the only thing keeping me getting up every morning and pretending to live my life.
@TJ14 hi hun just wondering how you and the children are getting on. Hope you have found a little peace somehow. Take care Hun Dave.
Hey, thanks for asking Dave. I’m not great at the moment. Due to a coroner’s investigation we’re only just having my darling Rich’s funeral this Friday He died 6 weeks ago. Spent all last week sorting a mountain of financial stuff. I’ve just cried and cried this week. Realisation perhaps that he’ s really not coming back and I’m stuck with this sad existence without him. Hope you are getting by with the help of your grandchildren. Both my kids 18 and 20 are adamant they want a to start their own families in their 20s so I have a reason to stick around.
Take care x
Well I don’t know what to believe mart died 6/2/2023 after 5 years of pancreatic cancer . Had a few signs that I personally felt were him ( won’t explain them ) but never happened to me in my life before . 2 weeks ago ( the only thing that helps me stop crying ) I was gardening and making where he used to sit look pretty I noticed that evening I’d lost the bracelet I bought for his funeral , silver cross with black beads . Emptied garden bags , emptied car and accepted painfully that I had lost the bracelet I bought for him . Since then neighbour has kindly power washed at the back of my house as in shade and gets slippy with moss . I’ve also swept there Saturday and Monday ( Monday because it was my dreaded birthday and 3 year old granddaughter likes to push her little pram there ) only one step out from kitchen used it all morning Monday . Eldest son rocked up 1,30 pm Monday for a meet up with family and picked up bracelet from the step !!! It’s a power washed clean step , small ( we all think it’s mart he always made a fuss of my birthday and always took me out to buy jewellery ) I know there might be a million other ways it happened but for me it’s him !! Xx we said to each other ( because I had breast cancer few years before his diagnosis ) that we would leave messages xxx I’m a nurse been in the presence of many patients who have died in 23 years and I honestly believe there’s more than just being here , what that is I don’t know but I know it’s not over xxx
@TJ14 Hi my heart goes out to you hope all goes well Friday its very hard hun I just looked at my Sues coffin and cried inside. I can’t remember anything said to me. It was videoed to Sue family in Australia so I do have the lot on tape but so far have only watched half of it. Its so upseting I look like a statue lol. Your Rich was a lucky man to have a wife like you. Just as i was with my Sue 43 very happy years. Will be think of you, take care hun. Dave
I really like to believe also that there is more to this life than being here, as I feel some get more dealt more of a cruel blow than others.
Thank you Dave for your kind reply. Like you,tomorrow I feel I’ll go back into quiet, still mode like I did in the ICU when the doctors could do no more and turned the machines off to let my darling slip away. Actually, writing that down has made me realise how truly traumatic it was for me and the kids to sit with him as he went . I’m hoping tomorrow might bring me a little peace.
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