Oh my gosh i am so sorry you are having a hard time, loss is so hard to deal with and process, i still struggle after 6 years of losing my dad and i had to be a mum too, i cant imagine how hard it must be for you and am here anytime you need to talk if you reply got to school run now but here for support if you need it 
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I can’t believe it’s been nearly six months since Ann passed away and I thought after I tried to take my own life and ended up in the mental health hospital and the help I received I would in time start to accept that after 30 great years with Ann I am now on my own
But I’m still struggling to go to places we used to go together and I’ve been told to make less visits to the cemetery because I’d been going every day hoping to get some comfort
Ann had twin daughters from her first marriage and since she passed away I’ve been having a lot of trouble with one of them accusing me of trying to control her mum she will not accept that all I was doing was trying to stop her from smoking she had COPD and the doctors said she would not live much longer if she doesn’t stop smoking the day after Ann passed away her daughter came to my house and demanded that I hand over all her mum’s belongings she caused me so much stress that’s why I tried to end my own life
I was told that I would have good days and bad days but three weeks ago the bad days were a lot more than the good ones and I was taken back into the mental health hospital I’m finally back home now and having therapy I find it very embarrassing that some days I can’t even get out of the house and just sit and cry thinking about my partner
Having no friends or family to help me with the grief is something I am struggling with I just feel so lost and sad and lonely
Putting my thoughts on here helps me to get some comfort
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So sorry … hope youre feeling bit better - its bloody tough is this … i dunno how we get through it either but we can only do the best we can … take care of yourself xxx
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@Boo2 keep posting in here if it helps - there is lots of support from folks here and I find it helps to know you’re not along in this awful place we find ourselves - hopefully you will find some comfort.
Just take a day at a time - do what you can and make sure you get enough sleep and eat regularly.
It’s a rollercoaster we are all on - just try hold on until the dips smooth out a bit.
Sending strength and hugs x
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@roni52 omg you have literally hit the nail on the head everything you said like keeping busy to distract from the pain etc but all feels pointless and just feeling alone like no-one cares and we know it’s irrational but we can’t help how we feel! It’s almost like I resent everyone else for having their normal lives and thats so unlike me to be that way!
I lost my husband in April this year and it’s not getting any easier! I’ve gone back to work and hate it as I feel like I’m moving forward and leaving him behind I have no idea what my future holds but also I don’t even wana think about it!
But I feel your pain as I resonate with everything you said! Send you a big hug xx
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Thanks for the hug @Minnie5
I too just keep feeling bad about almost everyone I am in touch with at the moment it seems.
I really hope this will pass as like you say it’s not like me at all. One of my best friends who has been my rock through all this is starting to irritate me and I’m sure it’s just because she is heading off on holiday soon and I so wish that I was able to do the same, as we always went away with the kids beginning of July.
I really want her to have a good time and not worry about me, and for her to have a real break from my grief, as she needs it, but I still know she just doesn’t understand how I’m feeling, even though she really tries.
I think maybe just nobody is right for me at the moment as it’s not my husband.
You’re so brave going back to work - hopefully it gives you a little bit distraction.
I’m still not back as I work with teenagers with mental health problems so I’m just not stable enough to do my normal job, but I could go back and do some admin work for a while but this last week I’ve been really struggling to function, and get stressed at the slightest thing.
Things keep changing for me week to week and so I hope I move out of this phase of grieving soon. I don’t want to become a mean and ungrateful old widow.
Sending a huge hug back xx
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Dear @roni52 ,
my husband passed in March this year.
I have never experienced such a range of emotions to such extremes. The confusion, exhaustion and lethargy are beyond description.
We are not ourselves in so many levels.
We cannot predict how we will be hour to hour. So your feelings about your friend and other people are not surprising.
As we have been told, probably over and over, time seems to be one of the major parts of ‘dealing’ with grief. Of course, that means still going through all this for who knows how long.
You sound like a very caring person which means I don’t think you will become mean or ungrateful.
Sending you a very big hug,
Rose xx
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Thanks rose.
It’s only almost 3 months for us both and you are right we are not ourselves and we do have such extremes of emotions. None of which I can control as they just come and go like the waves in the sea - sometimes knocking me over though in the process.
I know I’m over sensitive at the moment but sometimes people can be really thoughtless - I’m sure you have found that too.
I hope I don’t become mean and horrible - I just sometimes feel so exhausted from thinking about my husband.
I was in town today with my son and I was so distracted because I was constantly thinking “oh I should show my husband that “ or “ I remember when” or “ we could have done that “.
The realisation that I can’t do any of that now makes me so sad.
Do you find that too ?
It’s such a long road ahead I feel but glad you are here and others to help along the way
Sending a huge hug back to you xx
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Yes, I recognise this.
I’m not in control of my emotions.
I feel my emotions are controlling me.
The number of times I’ve thought ‘Oh, I must tell him that’. or ‘He would like that’.
I am definitely aware of the thoughtlessness of others, actions and words.
The other day I was asked what I was going to do ‘besides thinking of him’. I think they were trying to show that he was understandably still in my thoughts. Well, I hope it was.
It is a strange, unknown and unwanted world we find ourselves living in.
Thinking of you, love and hugs,
Rose xx
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Such a hard world we live in now.
I’m trying to believe it gets better but I think it’s all just hitting home and every day feels a bit worse at the moment.
Hope you get some respite from the pain this weekend.
Love and hugs 
xx
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Its just over 3 months for me and it seems to be getting harder.
People seem to think you should be “getting over it” or starting again, a new life, a new normal.
I’d like to explain how hard that is, but I don’t think I can. How do we convey the inner turmoil, the anguish the pain and sense of loss we feel all day every day.
I’m constantly thinking of him, wanting him to hold me and tell me he loves me.
But it’s not going to happen is it. How do we get past that?
Big hugs x x
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Time … gets less painful and less intense. Cant lie that its perfect but it gets less overwhelming xxx
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I do hope so.
At the moment I feel like I’m going backwards.
No matter how I try the tears just won’t stop.
This evenings the worst I’ve been for quite a while.
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I know its a rollercoaster- good days , bad days 
you will go backwards and forwards … its well known that we do … baby steps xx
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Thankyou for caring x x
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I kept getting told that there will be good days and bad days at the moment I’m getting help from the mental health team and I’m not sure if it will ever get better the only thing I know now is that me attempting to end my life twice is something Ann would be so annoyed with and I’m determined to get on with my life I think I have finally accepted that Ann has gone but I know that me breaking down and crying doesn’t matter that I’m a man the upbringing I had I was told that men don’t cry but when you loose someone who has been a part of your life for so long it’s very difficult to come to terms with I’m like many others on here I still talk to Ann as if she is still here I’m just going to take it a day at a time
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I am thinking that the shock could be wearing off slightly from time to time and reality rears its ugly head.
I think time plays a part in dealing with this horrible reality. Sadly, I feel there will be times when we seem to be going backwards and then think we are making progress.
Reaching out to others on here I believe will be a great help and support as well.
Love,
Rose xx
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Thankyou Rose
You know I appreciate your support
Yes maybe the initial shock and numbness is going now, to be left with cold hard reality
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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I’m so sorry for your sadness, it must be so very hard. Keep talking to people who understand loss as that’s what you need at the moment xx
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Thankyou @Dylis
I’m afraid I’m stuck in the dips of the rollercoaster at the moment. I’m hoping soon I’ll be on an up.
I know everyone on here understands.
The help on this forum is amazing
Big hugs
Liz x
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