Thing is, people want to be kind but perhaps they’ve never had a big loss so don’t know what to say. I find that when I’m at my worst and could do with someone to talk to, I happen to be on my own and don’t feel that I want to call up a fried and wail. Then another time I may be feeling calm and someone asks about my mum and at that moment I don’t want to talk about it because I need some relief from the grief. Grief is quite lonely really, so these forums are very helpful xx
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I’m just heading to bed and reading what people have been feeling this evening and it’s so sad that we are all having such a struggle and missing our loved ones so much.
I also feel like things are worse recently - I think that’s possibly a step forwards as I know I have been blocking out the reality of my loss ( not on purpose ) but I hope that by feeling awful every day it means I am not in so much denial or avoidance.
I try rationalise my situation by understanding their are many many others in a similar situation, which makes me feel a bit better, but every now and then I think of how my situation is completely different from all but 1 of my family and friends, and how desperate this situation is. And that feels so sad and such a heavy burden to carry.
I’m think maybe we all feel that desperate sadness most of the time ?
I’ll try get some sleep now and hope others here can get a peaceful rest
Love and hugs x
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It is sad and it is hard for sure : ( nearly 18 months in and i am still feeling it … i think a lot of people are in early days but im not sure how much it gets easier or not really ? Maybe just less raw i think but still its a battle to survive without their love and support …still miss him so much X
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I think what you has been written, ‘less raw’ probably sums it up for me.
I lost my wonderful husband in March and at present I tell myself that in time it will be less raw.’
I will always miss him and wish he were still here. There will always be a huge gap in my life but perhaps I will learn to live with that gap and that longing for him.
Big hugs,
Rose xx
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Hi Rose hope you are ok? Your last paragraph says how I wish to be one day. Still miss my husband and wish he was still here with me, but hope I will learn to live with the huge gap he has left behind. Sending a hug.X
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Good morning Loobyloo2,
I must admit I am still in bed.
The cat with dementia was unsettled last night so I didn’t get to bed until 2 a.m.
I am probably going to just potter around the house today.
We tended to stay away from busy places at weekends. A practice I am continuing.
I hope we both find kinder lives where we can think of them with love, happiness and gratitude for the lives and times we had with them and a way to acknowledge our losses with much less pain.
Sending you a hug too!
Rose xx
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Hi to everyone.
The big hole left in our hearts will probably be permanent.
Lets just hope that soehow, someday we will learn to live around it.
It is still so raw its hard to see a way forward. But with time and support maybe we’ll make it through.
Big hugs to you all
Liz x x
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I’m up! 
Cats fed, tea made.
My husband loved nasturtiums and many other flowers. So I bought a packet and planted some.
This morning I noticed they are starting to come up.
So that was good to see.
Love and hugs everyone,
Rose xx
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Last year, a few months after my wonderful husband died, a friend, who had lost his wife a few years earlier, said to me ‘You can’t ever make your grief smaller. You just have to make your life bigger so that it is easier to contain’. That is so accurate.
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Very wisel words. I am going to try and adhere to that.
Yep thats what they say dont they … in bereavment counselling … that your life grows around your grief and gets bigger … dont feel like that today though for me … im hurting again - but they also say that dont they that your grief goes back and forth ! 
i wish this pain would go though … it hurts so much Xx
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Thinking of you.
Grief is an unpredictable harrowing thing.
Sending a big hug,
Rose xx
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Thanks sweetie - sending hugs back to you too xxx
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How I wish that time would hurry up.
I’m at home and all my kids are with me and I’m keeping busy, but I still feel the loss of him just being here and so very sad all the time.
Have wrapped my son’s presents for his birthday tomorrow ( and have over compensated by buying more than usual ) but am not sure what to sign on the card.
Do I just sign from me ? or me and his dad who would so want to send his love on his birthday.
I Asked my daughter what she thought, and she said it was sad either way.
Feels like nothing in my life is right anymore.
Pray it gets easier for all of us suffering here soon.
Sending hugs and strength xx
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I would put something in about his dad personally … i dont like to leave them out of stuff but my.kids are a bit weird - theyre grown.up and dont like mentioning their dad atm … i find that very strange because i wanna keep his memory alive… he would want that you know … xx
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Bless you 
It was our nephews birthday shortly after Andrew passed, I put love from Katy and Andrew…it didn’t feel right not putting his name on the card xx
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It was my grown up granddaughters birthday a few days after the funeral. I signed it just from Granny, she was upset and asked me to sign Grandad too. When it was the next one I signed from us both. The 3rd one is in November, should I do it then?
Its so hard to know what to do isn’t it
Sending you hugs
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Yeh i think u should do … if she liked it last time … xx
What is it about Sundays? Today has felt like a week. Sundays were lovely, roast dinner, time in the garden if it was a nice day, just cosy days together with our daughter. Today was hell. Trying to amuse our disabled daughter, trying not to cry and upset her even more. I woke at 7 am and felt the now-normal punch in the stomach when I saw the empty pillow beside me. Showered our daughter, made breakfast and it was still only 8.30 with nothing to fill the hours, just waiting for bedtime and the hoped-for oblivion for a few hours. I suspect I felt so low because yesterday was one of the better days, because I had some company for a few hours. The visitors are starting to fade away now and I feel I can’t keep leaning on people and must start getting on with it on my own. I can’t go out and make new friends because when my daughter is at home we are house-bound. I have a refresher driving lesson this week and hope that things will improve when I get confident enough to drive again.
Here’s to tomorrow, I hope it is one of the ‘better’ days. Love to everyone out there. Xx
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