I kept telling my husband I would be ok. How wrong I was 
But I was just trying to protect him because he was worried about me.
Yes hellon earth just about sums it up
2 Likes
Certainly does ! Especially in todays dog eat dog world ! Its a horrible world with no compassion … where has " love thy neighbour gone" up the swanny thats what ! Apart from the lovely people on here who understand how very hard it all is xx
3 Likes
I totally understand.
I feel like this rollercoaster stretches way into the horizon.
4 Likes
There was no will. He was pretty unconventional, a musician, and he really didn’t expect to die so made no preparations. He used to tell me that he and his brother took their Mum’s ashes up a nearby hill which overlooks our town, and scattered them there so she could watch over them, so I presumed his brother would do the same for him. Now nobody will make a decision, hence they left him at the undertakers until I pushed for his ashes to come home with me.
Thanks for responding. I thought that, too.
1 Like
I have had to do so much for myself since Darrens passing. I have disabilities and he used to do so much for me. I hadnt realised how much he really did. I have Functional neurological disorder, fibromyalgia, agoraphobia and all anxieties. I had these diagnosed over lockdown. I realied on him he was my rock. My fa.iky remind me of how far I have cone and what i have achieved having to do it all for myself. Like I said he was my rock, i love him and never ever thanked him for everything that he did as i didnt recognise it as it was my every day… if i could i would give him a huge xuddle. The cuddling and comfort is what i miss the most
2 Likes
I’m sure that he didn’t need to be thanked as he did it all out of his love for you.
2 Likes
I was just reading what littlewitch was saying about being dependant on her partner
I’m disabled after breaking my back in an accident some years ago and I have mobility problems I never realised just how dependent I was on my partner Ann she knew just how much I appreciated what she did but I don’t think I ever showed it enough
I had a very difficult life growing up and I always felt different to everyone else Ann persuaded me to get help with how I felt and after nearly two years I was diagnosed with autism spectrum Ann never batted an eyelid she unlike me accepted it she was my rock for 30 years
With autism spectrum I have trouble showing empathy and my way of showing I care is different to everyone else when Ann became very ill my way of trying to help her was misconstrued by her daughter who accused me of being a narcissist she said I was bullying her because I was trying to stop her from smoking but that’s what was killing her
After Ann passed away I did wonder if she thought I didn’t love her anymore she seemed distant in the hospital the doctor said she was pre dementia I still don’t know what that means
For a long time since she passed away I was going to the cemetery every day to talk to her and ask her forgiveness every day I think could I have done things differently leading up to Ann passing away I had no help from her daughter’s she said that her daughter will help me when she is no longer with me but both of her daughter’s have been causing me so much trouble that yesterday I had to involve a solicitor
I will keep wondering if Ann knew just how much she meant to me and I don’t doubt I’m not the only person who has lost a loved one and wonders if there partner knew just how much they meant to them
2 Likes
Thankyou @Liro
These ups and downs are so difficult to navigate aren’t they.
I had a better day yesterday and most of today, but I find myself back down tonight feeling like no one even remembers about my husband.
His family keep posting their happy times on the family group chat and I find it so difficult to bare that they are all just getting on with their lives and mine has just stopped.
I know I’m being over sensitive, but I’m fed up of people saying “we understand” when they have no idea, and then saying we’ll be here when you’re ready - ready for what I wonder ? To just be as things were before ? That’s never going to happen.
Sorry for the rant - just feel really lonely tonight and feeling that no one else really understands, Apart from folks on here.
Hope your days been a better one today xxx
3 Likes
Do you know… i do think that some people are quite dense when it comes to grieving…today I asked my sister for support ( to go and collect David’s ashes) I could not do this alone, I was in bits and crying unconsolably, she walked into my lounge, saw me in tears and said ( quite harshly in my opinion) " what is wrong?. Don’t understand why she said that…
4 Likes
I do think people don’t understand. I’m not sure I did until it happened to me and so I think we have to turn to people in a similar position, as we’re doing, or seek professional help. I don’t think we can get all we need from family and friends and we probably need to change our expectations. Maybe it’s hard to put yourself in others’ shoes for this particular situation. Sending love x
5 Likes
I call it selfish ! Im so sick of seeing people flaunt their “happy lives” in front of me ! Its so tactless ! I just delete them ! Xx
2 Likes
Oh yeh cos its gonna be a really nice thing to do isnt it !! Not ! I was quite lucky cos my husbands brother and wife came with me and were so respectful tbh xx
1 Like
That’s hard @penny6 People can be really unthinking at times.
I agree - you don’t really understand until you are going through it, but there are some things that are really hurtful and Unhelpful. My mum keeps telling me it doesn’t get any better, and I’m only 52, so that is really worrying.
I know I am hyper sensitive at the moment so I try to keep from replying as I really want to, and am now just not engaging with those people who make me feel worse. Self preservation…
Then I worry I’ll not speak to anyone ever again 
4 Likes
I felt exactly the same as you today. I got through work., shedding Just a few tears. I messaged my friend saying how rubbish i waa feeling. When i got home i called her she has a new puppy and it was playing up. She saiid that she would call me back once the puppy was settled and i am still waiting. I don’t want to seem needy so just waiting for her to now contact me. I cried myself to sleep anx now i have woken up my eyes are really sore and up at a ridiculous time when noone else is awake
1 Like
So caring !!!
It’s so hard and lonely isn’t it - I’m so sorry you are feeling this way too.
Hopefully you are sleeping now. My dog just woke me up- she wanted out- she never used to do this before but now often wakes me up super early- she is also out of sorts.
Xxx
We also have a dog as soon as we put our shoes on to leave he goes loopy. When Darren passed for a couple of weeks Gizmo went crazy when someone sat in Darrens seat. He will now either sit there himself and allows family to sit there but no one else. When we come in he goes berserk. Needing 5 minutes of fuss. Its as if he thinks we arent returning. If i mention Darrens name he witger loooks towards the front or backdoor and the sofa. It has obviously been suffering as well. We are moving to a smaller house very soon and hope Gizmo calms down.
I feel guilty leaving the house we are in now as its just not nanageable and i have to look to future my son is 22 he wont want to live with me forever. I do not expect to move again. Financially I can afford everything on my own. I dont want to have to rely on anyone. I find everything’s come at once.
I can totally empathise with what you are saying , my wife’s brother and mum both go on constantly about how much they miss my wife as if it’s only them grieving ( they live in Belfast and we are in Manchester ) , they saw her 2-3 times a year , but spoke most days on the phone .
It’s so hard not to say ‘ you miss a phone call , I’m missing my soulmate who was with me virtually 24 hours a day ‘ when they go on about how they are grieving so much , then get on with their lives the same as before while mine is in pieces .
5 Likes
People just dont get it do they … stay strong. You know how you are grieving more and maybe you should actually remind them of that ? Xx
1 Like