Hi cathphil, yes some people can be so frustrating & just don’t get it. Yes they mean well i know but it really doesn’t help. The guilt of doing these things alone & if you dared to smile or laugh. Yes of course it’s ok & allowed but we still feel guilty about it. It’s a whole new way of living & takes some doing now.
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I too still say we and us and our
I HATE the words I and me.
We have our two little dogs.
So when I say we and us, folk think I’m including the dogs.
And I sign all cards with Phil’s name as well.
And refer to ‘Us 4’
Xxx
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I also can’t say me/mine it’s still ours, I also hate having to put widow on paperwork to me I’m still married, it’s just my husband now has wings.
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I fully understand this I’m nowhere near ready to be called a widow. I also got called single the other day which broke me. I’m still classing myself as married.x
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I understand you both , hate the word widow … I’ll always be married … Our vows till death do us part, meant BOTH of us.
A few weeks ago, a very stupid insensitive person referred to my husband as my ‘ex’
I LOST IT… and this person got my complete wrath… I don’t think they will make that mistake again !!!
XXX
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Hi all
So true I’ll never be single while I have Paul in my heart and in my head
The day that isn’t the case I’ll be with
Paul
Xx
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@Cathphil @Bess1 my husband Steve passed away whilst we were on holiday, within 9 hours I went from a wife to a widow in their eyes. I was fuming that they called me that, 17 weeks later I still can’t and won’t accept it 
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Hi Helen 24
So so sorry just tragic
Life’s bloody cruel
Xx
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Hi. My husband passed away on 30/11/2022. I thought I was doing ok. Christmas was a struggle but I felt better once it passed. However, I am struggling again. Last week was not good for me. I really missed my husband. I miss all the little things. We used to start booking our summer holidays in January but can’t do it anymore. Just hope the year’s going to get better but they do say 2nd year is worse then first.
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Morning DeepakMilan
So sorry you feel rubbish
To make matters worse yes I’m in my second year Paul passed away 24 July 2022 and I thought the first year was really bad but this year is just hellish
Think I was numb for the first 12 months just treading g water
But now wham it’s real ( yes I know it was real before but this is just something else)
We had a motorhome so our year was always planned even 18 months in advance
Now nothing
So …. Yes this year for me and I know everyone is different is is just horrendous and I didn’t think it could get any worse
Sorry!
lol
Xx
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Hi Helen24
I can totally relate to you. My husband also passed away suddenly while we were on holiday 17 weeks ago.
I feel like I am living in a dream. I can’t make a decision about anything and I dont trust anyone , people that said they were there at the beginning have since disappeared.
It is lonely, isolating and an absolute nightmare,
All our plans and dreams gone , I feel so broken and don’t know who I am , which way to turn , which path to take.
Anxious, frightened and don’t feel safe anymore.
Just can’t see past any of this .
Take Care of yourself x
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Hi Paupt, i can empathise with what you say about people being there for you. I had ones promise all i had to do was ask & they’d do it. Well i tried that & a couple of times at the start,vyes, they did but then there was always an excuse. I’m also disabled so can’t get out much & i felt/ feel so isolated at times. I get they have their own lives to lead but i’d rather they didn’t promise. I felt lost as i was the carer also & it was like, " what do i do now?" What is my purpose in life now? Thankfully we have two dogs & if it hadn’t been for them, i swear i wouldn’t be here but they’d already lost one parent, they couldn’t lose two! They’ve kept me going but isn’t easy. I talk to her all the time & ask advice when i’m off on one. She was the one that kept me grounded.
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Hi @Paupet oh my god how bizarre is that, it is like living a nightmare. I’m so lost without him and like you I feel so let down by people. All there in the beginning but now nowhere to be seen. I feel so alone, also confused by peoples attitudes and stupid comments. One stupid cow told me to be brave and book a holiday. Talk about fuming, my nerves are shot to bits and my anxiety stops me doing certain things.x
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Hi All
I feel exactly the same
Who am I?
Yes ‘friends’
Last February nephew had awards night ( he’d won his racing championship)
Didn’t want to go last time Paul had been with me
Anyway long story nephew put a family photo on infamous Facebook
Saw my friend the following week asked me how I’d enjoyed it
I said absolutely not wanted the ground to swallow me up
Her reply Well you looked ok on the photo
I said no I so missed Paul
Her reply well this is how it’s going to be get used to it
My reply
I never ever want to feel like that again so I won’t put myself in that situation
Hence conversation ended and she left
I cried all day
Friends and family disappear well they have a life don’t they ……
It’s a lonely ‘alone’ existence
I would not wish this on anyone so I’m pleased I am left not Paul if you know what I mean
Lol
Xx
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Hi Paupet, so sorry you feel like this, I really hope you have some good days soon, can relate to all your feelings as now its really hit home that he has gone. Its on here that you can what you want and everyone knows exactly what its like. take care of yourself and if it helps dont beat yourself up about anything, I put my shoulders down when I get anxious or panicky and find it can help at bit, not always but its tiny steps isnt it!!
Sending love and hugs Jan xx
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Bess1, i totally get the, pleased it’s you that’s left, i feel & say exactly the same.
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I know I have been told “ you look well”, “ time you were back at work , can’t stay away for ever , you will be ok “ , and the list of stupid comments go on
It makes me feel like I have to rehearse how I look before I speak to anyone. I feel like they will think I am being silly or worse.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with this nightmare we have all been thrown into -
I miss him so much and struggle with flash backs from that night , then I get mad and ask him why did you go ? why did you leave me.?
I have been asked if I would like to go on a cruise for Christmas and new year but I don’t know what to do. I have never been on a cruise and it’s quite expensive but will I regret it in December if I don’t book . He would have know what to do he always did .
X
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I went back to work as I had to, one for money and also for my mental health. I’ve had to leave early twice but work were done with it. I always wanted to go on a cruise but Steve never fancied it. I have a lot to do in the house as we bought it to do up and it’s not finished. My head is not in the right place yet but I’ll get there. People say the opposite to me they say I look well ( what’s that supposed to mean?) I do ask why as he was only 44 but I can’t get angry as I know it wasn’t his choice to leave. I just flip it and be grateful for 13 amazing years with him.x
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HI Scamp
I know exactly how you feel. My husband Peter and I cared for my Dad 24/7 until he died in 2018. Then I lost my two dogs and then in April 2023 my beloved husband died suddenly. We had been together for 27 years. So I have lost all my boys now. I have another little dog now who has kept me going through the saddest of times but it is so very, very hard to find a purpose in life. Peter was my rock and was always there for me. My soulmate. Life is so cruel.
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Exactly life is so cruel
Dilemma Paupet
Paul and I always wanted to go on a cruise
So for my 60th birthday he told me to go and book a cruise he’d already asked his twin brother and wife to come with us
We went to the Caribbean we loved it
We went again
Then had one organised February 2020 it was right out of our comfort zone
Hong Kong Thailand etc ending in Singapore away over 3 weeks but covid hit
Paul always said when we get through this we’ll go in another cruise…… sadly not to be
Sorry so do you decide to go…… I have no idea
The decision is yours all I will say and I know we all find this so so difficult we are still here and have a life but …… we know that’s not easy at all
Ponder and wait your husband will ‘tell’ you what to do …… I’m sure of it
Xx
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