Hi @Scamp1
I really related to lots of your post.
I was my husband’s carer, and feel totally lost and we’ll what do I do now. My whole purpose for being here vanished overnight.
I do work full time, but I did then too …juggled doing everything.
Also have two dogs… And like you honestly don’t know what I would have done without them. The oldest really suffered grief terribly at the start, and he still stares at the door in hope.
The youngest was a puppy, he was only with us for 12 days before my husband died.
I adore them both. I call them my little guardian angels in fluffy white coats.
They are Bichons.
Take care, cuddle your babies, dogs really are the best. They never let you down, or give you an excuse.
Hi cathphil, oh i’m so pleased you have your furry friends. Yes our German Shepherd grieved terribly. She would lay her head in her chair & just cry & whimper, shed did this literally 24/7 for 2 wks. It was heartbreaking trying to tell her that she wasn’t coming back, saying we are now 3 & not 4. Our rescue Lurcher Cross was like a rabbit in the headlights, was just so lost. Now & again i still see the signs of grief in them. Our German Shepherd used to her therapy dog & help her so much. All very sad now & all so very different.
Hi Rockstar, totally get what you mean. I lost my rock & not only did it break my heart, i felt like my backbone had been ripped out, if that makes sense. I lost my father a year later & then my Aunt a year after that. In fact i lost 5 close people in 2 yrs! Never lost so many, in such a short space of time. It’s almost had no time to grieve before the next one’s gone😔. Still not sure where i’m at with it all & i don’t have anyone to talk to about it all.
Hi Paupet, I know how you feel. I feel like I’m acting a role most of the time and I’m sick of having to act as I think people would want me to. Then occasionally it all gets too much and I break down; the man from O2 got it both barrels yesterday. How embarrassing!
My gorgeous Alan was in the navy for 20 years and we loved cruises. To the point where we had booked our wedding on one for next November. So, my dilemma has been do I still go? And (helped by my lovely son who is coming with me) I have decided I will. I am planning to take the ashes and will give them to the sea on the day that would have been our wedding. It was a hard decision but it has given me something to focus on. I really feel that Alan would approve too which helps.
I write on my phone whenever wherever I need to express my thoughts and feelings, usually on the train to or from work. I find myself talking to him while walking everywhere too. It does help enormously to feel his presence xx
I’m another one who writes in a book. I’ve done a page every day since he died, 115 of them. Many are illegible scribble and tear stained, but it does help me.
Yes Paul’s ashes are buried in our village churchyard just under a mile away we have a headstone ( well Paul’s on it I’ll follow)
I pass the church on my way out I tell Paul where I’m going etc
I go 3 ish times a week and talk to him
Folks in the village must think I’m bonkers
I don’t care it helps me however I always leave in tears
I’m the same Dave’s ashes were buried in our local cemetery which I pass daily and often go in daily if not daily every 2nd day I put fresh flowers down once a week as he loved his garden, I tell him what I’ve been up to and when my times comes I’ll be there beside him. It gives me comfort going there and my grandchildren often come with me and they talk to him to say what they have been up to which melts my heart
Hi Bess, quite right too - who cares what the village might think. It’s personal and it makes you happy to be visiting and talking to your beloved - they will never understand unless it happens to them.
Tears help ease the pain, I’ve been told!
Take good care X
It’s been 15 months since I lost my husband. I totally agree, the second year is worse than the first. Christmas was hard for me. I feel lost and don’t know how to go on. I had plans and visions of a future without him but now I feel I was kidding myself. I, like you, am just going through the motions and hiding what’s going on inside.
It helps to know that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling. I seem to dip in and out of this support site. It really does help in expressing how you feel, especially to people who really do understand. Keep talking and adapt to your new life in your own time. I think the second year is worse because all around us are people who have adapted and you can feel left behind. Also the first year is almost shock and disbelief but now reality is kicking in.
Love to all on this site. We will be ok, we will adapt and we will survive xxx
xx