My husband died in April this year. I have has his birthday and my birthday to cope with. But I am dreading Christmas without him. All the hype in shops and on telly. I just had a melt down when two woman were discussing what they are doing over Christmas and their families they was going to visit. I have a son and he is autistic he is coming overnight Christmas eve and going back to his supported living house Christmas day night. His behaviour can be challenging. I will be on my own Christmas night and boxing day and I cannot even think about having new year all by myself. I will be glad when it is all over even though we both used to love the build up to Christmas. Nothing is the same without my Peter. I hate this lonely new life I have to lead. Even though he was ill last Christmas we still enjoyed it!
Anne
So sorry to hear of your sad loss,it will be may first Christmas without my lovely wife,just can’t bear to hear Christmas music or see Christmas decorations,my wife’s cancer wasn’t quick she suffered for over 2 years,with chemotherapy and radiation treatment in and out of hospital over that time,it’s so cruel.
Take care X
M50 and Anne
this will be my second Christmas without Alan. last year was the first Christmas I’d spent without him in 51 years. christmas dinner was just a Sunday lunch, we didn’t even have the TV on, another first us over 51 years, didn’t send cards or presents, no decorations, no tree. nothing that depicted it was Christmas. I signed out of my Facebook account because I couldn’t cope with all the festivities, avoided the shops whenever I could.
my birthday us New Years Eve and last year was the first time I had spent it without Alan since my 16th birthday, I still went over the Blackpool for the 4 days as we had done for over 20 years, I was with friends who really did look after me, but it was hard, really hard. walking into the room we had each time we stayed at that hotel, midnight new years eve equally hard if not more so, but I did it, I went, it wasn’t easy but I’m glad I was brave enough. the alternative would have been me sitting at home alone and in an even worse state.
On Alan’s birthday in February, I made a Christmas dinner, just the way he liked it even managed to get some christmas crackers from Amazon, it seemed a fitting tribute to his memory as he loved his Christmas dinner. doing these in the ways I did helped me, just do what makes you feel more at ease, there’s no rule book to say you have to decorate your home, no rules to say how you cope with the festivities, there’s only the way that you personally can cope with it. it is all any of us can do. I’m still not sure if I’m ready to put our tree up especially the Angel that sits on the top with 3 tiny Robin perched on branches beneath her dress, we have placed those three robins on every christmas tree we have ever had since we married in 1968. the angel must be at least 35 years old too. Alan always put the angel on and the robins just before he placed the lights around the tree (he always insisted on putting the lights on last). this our family tradition I’m not completely ready to continue.
hope today has been an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow will be an improvement on today
blessings
Jen☆
Me too…can’t face putting up the merry Christmas sign on our balcony that welcomes everybody home…I might manage the tree but there will be few presents under it so I might make do with some twinkly lights. I’m going away for the rest of the holiday season as I just can’t bare to be home when everybody is celebrating. It’s tough isn’t it…but I’ve done some Christmas shopping and I will go to visit my family on Christmas Day. I’ll miss seeingTim opening his presents most of all . Take care out there everybody…try to find some joy and focus on looking after yourselves xxxx
Hello Jen,Thank you for sending your kind reply,it’s so comforting to know you understand how we all feel who have lost love ones,Specially coming up to Christmas.
Best wishes Mike X
I feel the same it will be first Christmas without my Ron i just cant face it, we both loved Christmas and the build up, putting the tree up which i always did far to early, enjoying the day just the two of us, will be glad when its been and gone x
oh my this is so strange just had a like to my post couldnt believe the lovely person was Rocketron thats what people used to call my lovely man Ron it bought tears to my eyes seeing this its 8 weeks since his passing today xx
morning suzie, that is lovely, I would take that as a sign he is close by, they always try to let us know they’re still with us. I am so pleased for you.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings
Jen☆
Thank you so much for your kind words xx
Hi Soozie so glad that you saw my like. My lovely Ron was always called Rocketron somit is so good that your lovely Ron was called the same. We were married for over 50 years and had such a happy marriage and a produced a wonderful family. It is 3years since we lost him and it is still so hard. The first Christmas was very sad but we all said that Ron would not want us to be so sad but of course you can"t help it. So we always put his photo on the table and toast him. He will never be forgotton. Even when it is his birthday we all go out for a meal even his brother and his wife and of course the photo is there. This site had really helped me Soozie so keep in touch and love and hugs to you. Ron and I always said when the first one goes we are still married and I love him more than ever. xxx Carol. xxxx
Thank you Carol for the soothing words, as i said its 8 weeks today since my Ron past so many thoughts going round my head he was due home from hospital on that fateful day, so lots of questions i need answers to, Im struggling to cope each day, as for Christmas i just cant even begin to think of this without him he was my world and i was his xx
Hi Soozie I would love to talk to you with a private message. I will keep trying but to tell you the truth I don"t know how But will keep trying. Keep in touch Soozie. love and hugs to you. xxxx Carol. xxx
My partner died in April too, Christmas was special to us so it will be especially difficult.
I am happy to do the religious part of Christmas, and having joined a choir to socialise I have checked out and marked all the local services on my calendar. Singing and meeting with other people is good for your mental health. I always told people I can’t sing, but most people can, they are just nervous. I just can’t face the happy families and watching TV part.
My own birthday falls on Advent Sunday, I am intending to attend three services on that day, one specially for the bereaved.
For Christmas Day I’m volunteering to serve the meal at a homeless shelter and on Boxing Day I’m a host volunteer for a meal for people who are spending Christmas alone.
One thing I have discovered is once you’ve lost everything that mattered to you the old inhibitions and fear of making a fool of yourself are gone. You have nothing else to lose, you can do anything.
I’m lucky to have had 22 years of love from a woman who was my whole world. It’s not easy to go on without her but I learned in time to ask for help, I am currently talking to a therapist. The one thing that’s a consistent theme is there is no right or wrong way to feel, crying is OK, it’s also OK to enjoy activities without feeling guilty afterwards. Most of all we must think if it was the other way around, if we were watching over our loved ones from Heaven how would we want them to be?
I would want her to miss me but more than anything I wouldn’t want her to be miserable all the time.
We each of us have to do what feels right for us, if it’s better to be alone and have a good cry do it. If you feel happier in the company of strangers do that. The good thing about socialising with lots of different people is you will come across others who are dealing with bereavement, you can help each other.
Take care,
Carl.
We have some instructions in our help section on how to send private messages, which you might find helpful.
Thank you Priscilla all sorted now. xx
Jacqui
My husband died in October this year and like you I am dreading Christmas and New Year. I get quite emotional whilst out shopping, seeing couples together shopping for Christmas presents. I often switch off the tv as all the adverts telling us we are going to have a wonderful Christmas and lots of people around the table. I have one son and he lives a good way away, I will see him over the Christmas but not New Year so this will be my first New Year without my husband for over 50 years and I am dreading it.
Jacqui, I had my first Christmas without Alan last year, the first in over 50 years, we had been married 50 years and 6 weeks when he passed, it was hard, bit we got through it, it was the first New Years Eve since my 16th birthday, that was particularly hard, this is also my birthday. again I got through it, as difficult as it was. no cards written or sent, no presents given, no tree or decorations, just wasn’t strong enough. Christmas day was just like a Sunday lunch with our son and daughter, oh also Winston and Ada the pugs. new year I went to the hotel we have been visiting every new year for around 25 years or so, I was with friends who made sure I wasn’t on my own, was very hard but I’m glad I did it. going again this year , taking my mum too, it will bex13 years next week since my dad passed and she misses him still.
we eventually had our Christmas dinner on Alan’s birthday in February, again a difficult first.
just go with how you feel, there’s no rules to follow, no agenda, just what makes it easier for you and your son. you will get through these firsts, I’m not saying if will be easy, but we do what we can to cope don’t we.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings
Jen☆
Thanks Jen people I have spoken to have been a great help. I think it is when I am alone of an evening I get this awful longing and it makes me feel so sad that I will never see or speak to him again. Like you I met John a week after my 16th birthday and we have been together since. He was a wonderful husband. Jacqui
The hard part is not buying a card with ‘Husband’ on or knowing that I will never receive another one with ‘Wife’ on . I will get a couple of Christmas cards out that we sent to each other instead. Being a bit sentimental I kept some of our cards.
I’ll be doing the same. I noticed a card in the supermarket today but it was one of those offers and I had to buy four of them. I kept our cards to each other. Brian had C for ten years and on every card he sent me he thanked me for looking after him. For years he remained fit and well so I never felt I was ‘looking after him’. Now they mean so much. xxx