Lost my wife of 54 years in February this year still say good night to her picture every night and good morning still struggling on some nights but hopefully will get better but will never forget her
5 Likes
Hello Artom I lost my wife nov 2022 I talk to her all the time as if she was here I cry as well we were together from 15 years old married 61 years Iāve just started to give some of her clothes to charity shop I take flowers every month on the day she passed away and light a candle Iām lost without her it was such a shock to find out she had pancreatic metastatic nothing could be done to help her she was very brave consultant just gave her 6 months and thatās how long she lived then like everyone else what you have to sort out is very difficult
7 Likes
So week four was starting to improve, the loneliness and quiet in the evening was a killer but work in the day was keeping me busy ish, decided to clear some of her things, got to the hospital bag which was tough, taking her name badge out of the bag was emotionally painful, and here I am back to crying, hereās hoping for better, I think Iām moving forward, it doesnāt hurt any less you just get better at coping with it or hiding your pain, love and hugs to all of us struggling through this xx
6 Likes
Itās so hard people tell me im cooping but im not I lost my husband in may he suffered terrible pain it broke my heart I feel Iāve let him down he said he wanted to go home to die but hospice said I wonāt be able to manage all his medical needs but he said he didnāt want to die alone I was there and my family I only wish I could have got him home people tell me it gets better not 57years weād been married and heās gone look after yourselves
3 Likes
You did everything for him you could, you didnāt let anyone down. My wife was supposed to be coming home the day she died, things were looking up but cancer had other ideas, her heart gave up and she fought for almost 24 hours before she left me, 12 hours before she went we knew it was end of life, she told me fighting to breathe where all the important information was and then I asked the doctor to not let her suffer as he agreed if was end of life and she was equivalently drowning struggling to breathe, we do what we can, as inadequate it feels at the time, because itās all we can do. Donāt punish yourself we have enough pain to carry without hurting ourselves.
3 Likes
Sylviag please donāt torture yourself.
My friend abided by her motherās wishes to stay at home. On reflection she said it was the worst thing she could have done. Her mother would have been more comfortable at the hospice and she admitted she wasnāt equipped medically or mentally to deal with the situation.
I think we constantly torture ourselves with āwhat ifā and whatever the outcome we feel guilty.
You were with him every step of the way right until the end. He knew that and you were with him when he needed you the most.
Take care x
3 Likes
Oh the āwhat ifsā! I was up at the hospital emergency dept all night. The following lunch time they put him on a CPAP ventilater and said he would be on it for 4 hours. I thought it was a good time to pop home and freshen up and get something to eat. I left my son with him but and hour later he messaged they were putting him on a ventilater. I didnāt get to speak to him before they did, he then suffered a cardiac arrest. I did get to sit beside him when he took his last breath but so so sad I wasnāt there when he needed me. What was I thinking? I just never thought he was going to die. I know in the big picture he knew I loved him, and I also know he didnāt like to see me worried and upset so maybe I spared him that. But Iām still cross with myself, and will probably always will be.
4 Likes
Thank you I just canāt get over loosing him he said I had to be strong I think itās time your right Iāve got to go forward x
4 Likes
My beautiful baby girl Kelly died 2 months ago she was my life, my soulmate, my best friend, she was 45 when she died from Cancer, now like you my friend iām left alone to deal with the rip in my Heart, all our dreams our plans for our future is now just a memory a memory that is getting Further and Further away from me leaving just me!! whats left of something beautiful but now sad and lonely and needed just to hear her voice saying i love you, but it doesnāt take away the pain
3 Likes
Sorry for your loss Matthew. So many people on this chat group, everyone of us going through this grief that is so painful and suffocating that you feel youāll never recover. Life going on without that one person who made your life complete, the other half of you, your rock, best friend, soulmate. The days ahead are scary, there are other people around, family and friends, but you still feel alone, incomplete really. Four weeks since I lost my husband, sometimes it feels it was months ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. I collect his ashes today, where should I put them? How will I feel? How can that be all thats left of this amazing man! So much pain again today. Two things that people posted on here are helping meā¦ chose 5 things to do everyday ie. Laundry, go for a walk , have a friend round. 5 things every day, 35 things in a week. Secondly, change something slightly so youāre not reminded of your loved one as much. New bedding perhaps, move their chair so youāre not looking at that empty space all the time. Sending support and hugs x
3 Likes
Loosing a child doesnāt matter how old they are it hurts my husband died in may itās the lonlyness the things Iāve gone through my heart goes out to you my husband told me to be strong itās not that easy I sit on my own donāt eat much just hope we both get through this take care x
1 Like
Hi Alum
I lost my husband 10 months ago and still havenāt been able to finish sorting out his clothes and I understand feeling lost without her as I feel like you we had become one so when I lost him I felt off balance and still do always feel as if something is missing. I feel you are doing well and are a credit to your wife especially in some recent lost . In my case what helps is the love we had for each other and seems the same for you 
2 Likes
Just a brief comment; I understand all you are saying having lost my beautiful partner after forty plus years. Like you I am hollowed out, probably older than you and not expecting to recover from this. What I advise is not to get rid of your wifeās personal things - not yet - remove old clothing, shoes etc which she would done herself, but keep the rest for now. Tidy her wardrobe and shoe rack as though she were coming back and would thank you - donāt get rid until you are ready which may take some time, or never. Sort things out in your own way, slowly, slowly. She will always be part of you, old times will not be forgotten. There is no quick solution. You have entered a new dimension in which your wife is still with you and she isnāt. You can be strong in this new world - together - so no big changes - the mist will clear and you will know what to but not yet.
3 Likes
Hi so sorry to hear about your recent loss and as it is so recent donāt feel that anything needs to be done now, wait until you are able to tackle them nothing is more important than you resting, looking after yourself and just getting through each day, be kind to yourself
3 Likes
I lost my dear husband in March of this year. My heart is broken and I struggle every day like so many others have said.
I am dismayed at my stepchildren, all of retirement age and comfortably off, as to how keen they all are to receive their inheritance and whether they can have personal belongings which were my husbandās. They constantly ask me how much longer probate will take, I along with the solicitor are executors.
Am I wrong to feel so upset at their attitude ?
My husband and I did everything we could to make sure they were treated fairly financially
2 Likes
I built up courage to go out and visit the dr,not sleeping at all,not wanting go out,unless i really had to,
Avoiding people,cant wait get home,lying in bed sometimesxall day,crying,he gave me somethinh to help a bit of sleep,and somethingbto calm me down,these are what i would not sually not want to do,but ive tried the sleep aid and i i do get a couple of hours more than i have been,it helped but theres so much else in my head ive refused counciling,i only share my greif here,i miss him so much it hurts so much,we were so happy even though he had issues never complained,im not me anymore,the anxiety the fed up mode all the time,i just take 1 day at a time no plans,i tell myself ill get by crack on,7 mths am still not copeing,i just push myself to do what i can and carry on,
2 Likes
They are being unfair, unreasonable and cruel. Remember that as executors you and your solicitor have total control of the estate and they will have to wait for for a conclusion which could be some time. I will be lucky if my late partnerās estate is resolved in indertwo years.
2 Likes
Your not wrong,youve done nothing wrong,youre goin through so much,i dont iunderstand how people especially family can be so cruel,its in the right hands, and they should no better,am sorry you have to be troubled by them,take care and dontvlet them get to you xx
2 Likes
Thank you for your understanding. It hurts so much and I know their Father would be angry and disappointed.
Take care of yourself and thanks for your reassurance.
2 Likes
Hi Katy sorry for the late reply and iām deeply sorry for your loss, i know its hard, Iām keeping my wifeās Ashes so i can talk to her, we both said when we retire we will move to the Isle of Wight, i was born there and have family living there, but now that dream is lost but when itās my turn to join my beautiful wife Kelly in heaven our ashes will be spread together on the Isle of Wight where most of my family has been spread so we will both be their together one day,
It does help talking to others going through the same as you are so remember your not alone Katy bless you, you probably feel like life without them by our sides is now pointless years of missing them, i just hope in time things get a little easier, sending you love Katy 
2 Likes