So many of us in this chat group, all going through the same devastating emotions and yet I still feel so alone as if no-one could possibly be as broken as I am. Everyone in the shops, out in the street, all seem to be happily living life … except me. I feel like I’m living in an unreal parallel universe. If I could wish for one thing at the moment it would be for the waves of pain and anxiety to stop. It would help to actually talk to others feeling how we feel, but support groups in west yorkshire are non existing. Sending love and support to uou all
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Same here xx
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I feel exactly the same
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Im so glad i joined this group its been of great support. Thank you everyone.
I’m in West Yorkshire
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9 months today.
Love you Paul xx
Hi Katy,
I feel exactly the same about suddenly living in another world to other people who are happily getting on with their lives. It’s awful and hard to bear.
David.
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I find it extraordinary that there is so much pain in the world and until 4 months ago I had no idea it existed! When my Dad died I knew my Mum was in pain, but I had no idea it was this bad (and this is something else to feel guilty about). Now here I am, completely shocked by it. I feel as though I had no warning and no preparation for the depth of this pain. And there are literally thousands and thousands of people out there going through the same thing. It feels like I’ve involuntarily entered a weird secret world that I didn’t know existed. Is it just me that’s been taken by surprise?
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Pooka1968 Not sure how to private message you but if we live close to each other, would you consider having a coffee somewhere?
Yes, indeed
Hi @Sam100 no, we have all been taken by surprise, even people who have lived knowing a loved one is close to death are surprised at the amount of pain this causes and yet it has been going on for thousands of years! A very good friend of mine lost his wife 6 years ago and i had no idea what he was going through, I was the typical “I am here if you need me” with the occasional phone call and I feel really guilty but in my defense I had absolutely no idea, I lost my wife in March and he was the first person after my daughter I called and he has been by my side ever since and I am so grateful!
I am further along this road than most posting on this thread and I am so saddened by the posts of yet more people who have lost loved ones and resorted to this forum looking for answers and comfort, we all have or had the same anguish, despair and fear for the future, we all feel or felt there is no purpose in carrying on “whats the point?” some of us have also read posts by people further along this road who then tell us that things will change, we didn’t believe them, I didn’t see how I could believe them, I am now into my 9 month, I am no different to anyone else on here, I am not able to cope with things, accept the situation any better than anybody else and yet I now know that people who say things do change are right, hopefully all posting on here, at some point, will be able to say the same, at first it is total disbelief in what has happened, never ending pain, crying, poor sleep, poor eating, hoping the crap on the tv will give you a break, the realisation that many, if not most, friends and family have drifted away, you are on your own trying to deal with this, time is the only thing that will change things, sadly we have to go through this “taking things minute by minute, then hour by hour”, then it will be day by day, I found that it was important not to make plans for the future, not to make important decisions unless absolutely necessary and unavoidable, it is a long painful and bewildering period, very slowly there will be the odd glimmer, there will start to be short periods where things are a little better, there will be periods of feeling you are back at the beginning, the pain and grief will change and sometimes you feel it is getting worse, personally I believed it changed but don’t believe it had got worse, early on I was in a huge amount of turmoil and pain, I think this was slowly replaced by overwhelming sadness, I found I could think of my wife, talk to her, yes with a huge amount of sadness but less of the savage despair that used to take over, I still cry or at least shed tears every single day, I wish she was here, I miss her so so much but I now know that I am having to accept things, I have a glimpse of what the future will be but there are no plans other than to continue living my life based on the last 46 years of being married, 53 years of being with her, I know she is not with me physically but do believe she is here spiritually and on this basis will see what the future brings.
I have posted this in the sincere hope that anyone in the early stages of this dreadful journey can take even a tiny bit of hope and or comfort from my own experience bearing in mind I was in exactly the same situation and frame of mind as many posting on this thread. One day many will be able to offer a bit of hope to someone who has newly joined this forum.
Take care all.
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Think I’ve private messaged you ???
Thank you swift. I’m now into my 7th month of being a widow, after over 45 years of marriage. It was sudden and unexpected. What you have written is helpful.
I lost my husband 8wks ago and pain and sadness is killing me. We were together for 34 years i cry most days and my heart is broken. I so wish i was with him he was dole mate my best friend my everything. I carnt sleep or eat properly. I have thoughts of taking my own life so i can be with him. He always said i was the strong one im not strong.
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That’s not too many miles away. Perhaps we could find a central point to meet up? Just a thought for later
Hi @Joanne12,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really down at the moment.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not knowing where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
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Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, Joanne, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Abi
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Thank you.
Hi Joanne, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve begged my husband to come and take me, I just want to be with him. Im so afraid of being alive without him, I don’t say living without him because this is NOT living. I feel overwhelming panic, disbelief, and hopelessness every day. Just when I feel it’s under control, something happens and there I am again. I was with my husband for 45 years, he was my rock, I’m half a person without him. Every night I go to bed I think that the day I’ve just had is another day nearer to seeing him again. I hope uou find a way to get through this nightmare, take all the support you can from this group 
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Hi Joanne. I lost my husband 21 weeks ago today and it stills feels like yesterday. I feel the same way that you do and still have some really terrible days. I never thought I’d get here but today I’m having to return to work. Even though I work from home and it’s only a couple of hours I’m dreading it. I’m hoping that I’ll at least get a bit of structure back in my life. Hang in there and just try to get through one day/hour/minute at a time until you get that tiny feeling that a bit of strength has returned. It is a nightmare but hopefully we’ll get through it.
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Hi @Katy7
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and how you’re feeling. It’s good that you can share how you’re feeling here, but I wanted to add some other support services which you may find helpful.
Sue Ryder has launched informal, in-person grief support groups called Grief Kind Spaces. You can find details of your local space in Yorkshire at Grief Kind Spaces | Sue Ryder
Shout is also contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service at: sueryder.org/counselling. Please note, there is currently a waitlist for this service but a member of the team will be in touch as soon as possible.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team