Dear Muldool,thank you for your response,I agree with everything you say.I am probably at the same stage as you are in your grief and it’s still very raw.I too feel half of me is missing and that is so difficult to convey to family and friends as they have not been on this journey.Most people compare it to losing a parent,it really isn’t like that at all for me.Kevin was my soulmate and I his,we had a few false starts when we first met but when we were finally together it was such an intense love nothing will ever replace it not joining clubs or going away on holiday.I try to fill my brainbox with the radio or tv to take my thoughts away from him.I did fear death once but no longer,I will let nature take it’s course if I get ill,I will eventually be with Kevin again.In the beginning of this I did feel suicidal,which I think worried my family,but it’s not an easy thing to do and I too couldn’t put my f amily through that so I’m still here.I’m going to lunch with my family today but my thoughts will be with Kevin
Sweetie x
@Muldool, when I read about you having your cholesterol levels checked out, you reminded me of when I finally decided to go for the first time (apart from during my pregnancies) to visit a good cardiologyst for an ECG and general heart checkup, for two reasons. One: I had just lost my darling husband suddenly to a heart attack, aged 57, and two: I have been suffering from hypertension for many years. I didn’t actually care anymore what would happen to me when my husband was unexpectedly taken away from us, but then I thought about my two lovely grownup kids who live with me. I felt like I had to start looking after my health, for them. They had already lost their dad, didn’t want to cause them more heartache so I convinced myself to do it.
Wishing you and everyone here comfort, talking and listening to each other here does help us get through our terribly sad days.
Hi Solost, I can totally understand why you would want to look after your health when you have children to think about.
Unfortunately I have no children, Pete had 4 and 2 granddaughters, I often think it would have been better if I had gone instead as there is no one depending on me except my dogs.
And I’m sure he would have coped with the grief better than me.
I will carry on for my dogs but it’s a very lonely existence.
Sending love
Muldool
Dear Muldool I have just read your message and your words sum up how I am completely. My husband Geoff passed away three months ago
.we were together for 52 years and now my life has ended. I think about him all the time and just sit crying. I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but I can’t be any different. I don’t have any family nearby and although friends call round it doesn’t help me stop wanting him back. I am just so lonely and hurting because of losing the most important person I ever had. I dread each day because it means reliving my loss again. Please take care of yourself. Love from Carol
Carol you must keep posting here. You will feel connected and able to reach out to people who understand the devastating feelings of grief you are experiencing. It’s comforting for you to voice your thoughts and emotions knowing people will read them and feel for you. Don’t feel lonely any more. You have friends here.
Hello Suelei
Thank you for your message. I do get comfort from you all on this site but I worry a little that am going on about my grief when you are all suffering as well. I do always feel better a little when I post here as I always receive replies and then I don’t feel I am so alone and lonely. Family I am in contact don’t seem to care very much. I only have a brother in my family left and sadly I don’t know where he is. He moved to Scotland and I don’t have the address he gave me so I do feel alone. All of you in this site help me and I read all the posts. They keep me going so I do appreciate your message. Thank you and love
Carol
It’s not surprising really that we don’t feel like the same people after our sad losses.
We aren’t the same people we were.
How could we be?
How could you experience what we have and be completely unaffected by it? - just not possible.
Our characters and personalities are shaped and influenced by our life experiences - both good and bad - and boy oh boy, this is some experience.
I think, for me, a lot of the fear and uncertainty I experience since the loss of my lovely husband in March, stems from the loss of that feeling of security and connection - the feeling of just knowing that someone always had my back and was looking out for me and, even if I did bugger it up, he would help me repair any damage and help keep things in perspective.
On the other hand, I now have a better understanding of the saying ’ what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger" because, in some bizarre way I do feel strong.
I sort of feel that life can throw whatever it likes at me now and it doesn’t matter because the worst thing in my world has already happened and nothing else could ever hurt me as much as this has.
Like @Lilly17, I’m letting whatever feelings come along, take me with them.
I cry and sob, I laugh and treasure those brief moments of happiness - maybe happiness is stretching it a bit - they’re more like less sad moments - and I’ll just carry on putting one foot in front of the other knowing that I’ve changed forever as a result of this .
Hi Carol
You should not worry about posting about your grief, if it makes you feel better, even by a little bit, then it’s worth doing. We are all in the same situation and fully understand what you are going through. Keep posting and we will keep reading.
Hugs
Andrew
Hello Andrew
Thank you for your message. I know we all want to help each other and I really want that. It is just that I feel guilty keeping on posting about my grief and unhappiness when all of you are suffering as well. I do feel better I have sent or received a message here as it makes feel that I maybe do have some friends. Many thanks for replying. Carol
When you say you dread each day because it means reliving.your loss again, you feel exactly as I do.
Feels like there is a horrific loop of memories the keep going round and round, etc.
Be glad when it is all over!
Edwomble,you are describing what happened to me when I first lost my husband,I likened it to a slide show going on in my head.It’s not as bad as it was but it’s still there and I believe it will always be so for me.The problem for me is that,and sure others,is that memories suddenly bubble up and hit you between the eyes when you least expect it and that can be very distressing.As I’ve said before unless you have experienced this type of loss you can’t understand how devastating it is.If I’m honest before I lost my husband I didn’t understand this either.
Hi every morning I wake I think of hubby and then all day I think of hubby . Infact I think of him all the time . And what could of been and what should of been still our life together . And I agree the sooner over with . Xtake carex
none of these things are fun. they are hard, and we resist them. is it any wonder …
@Muldool @Sweetie @Edwomble @Broken2222 I’m with you on that. Sharon’s consultant called my GP within hours of Sharon passing, and he had me in front of him next day (although surgery has been, and still closed since 2020) as they knew I had no intention of continuing without Sharon. Its no drama, they make a big deal, but it isn’t. Sharon knew, and was fine with it - but then she said: “but you know the boys will never get over it”, which was a bit sneaky of her and she’d also made me see a psychiatrist before she (and I) even went into the hospice.
I don’t need to call the Samaritans just now thanks as, as I write this I don’t intend ending at the moment.
BUT: my GP looked at some of my physical state (including massively swollen lower legs) and said, “you know all about kidney failure”.
His secretary called me within 24 hours of them taking full blood tests to get me in front of him next day, so experience with Sharon indicated it was a serious result - BUT the bit you clearly understand AND I CAN ONLY ADMIT ON HERE as I know lots would understand, was that I was really hoping he would say I had kidney cancer. It would have made everything right. And then he just said that although I have lots of medical issues, none are incurable but: “I just wanted to see you again and talk through how you are mentally”.
I think you’d understand that I’m gutted not to have cancer, and I understand why you’d not bother with cholesterol checks etc…
I understand just how you feel.
Lost my wife in March 2020.
Miss her so much every day.
Things will never be the same again.
Good morning David4,I lost my husband November 21 and I miss him every hour of every day and that will not change I am just seeking some peace of mind so I can think of him and just remember how many good times we had together,I worry that people around me may get fed up hearing about my struggles with grief,so posting on here enables me to express my feelings.If anyone on here derives any comfort from posting their thoughts on here they shouldn’t feel that people will get irritated with them as we are all going through the same proccess.
Hi Tweetie. Thank you for your reply.
I have now realized there are many more people
Going through this. Things were almost impossible to sort out. Due to the start ov covid at the same time. I now need to try and make new friends. Also need to have a holiday and more outings. So sorry for your loss.
I am always here to talk any time.
Take care. David.
Hi David,
Sorry for your loss.
I lost my partner in Nov 2021 and you are right about things never being the same again.
Posting on here does help and its nice to know there are people who understand how we feel.
I miss Pete every minute of the day, even the sunshine reminds me of him, he would say “get those deck chairs out and lets have an hour in the sun!”
I too need to make some new friends and can’t even think about a holiday, we were always so happy in our little bubble.
We only moved to this area 6 months before Pete died, I’ve met a few people in a dog walking group, but feel I’ve really lost my confidence.
Before this happened I was certainly a different person and I hope that one day I’ll be able to find the old me.
Take care
Muldool
Hi Muldool. So sorry for your loss.
Just looked at your photo.
You have a beautifull smiling face.
It’s a shame you live so far away. Would be nice to meet for a coffee and have a chat. Just friends of course. It might just help us both. I live in sheffield. I think you are in Ireland. Have I got that right. Best wishes always. Take care. David.
I am so sorry for your loss and to hear how down you are. There is nothing anybody can say which really helps. My husband died on Boxing Day at home having been diagnosed with cancer 18 months before. He kept quite well and positive until the last few weeks. We had only been married 5 years and together for 7. I was widowed young back in 1988 and lived quite happily alone for over 20 years. Meeting Robin was quite wonderful and up until his diagnosis we lived the happiest life together. I do feel cheated I have to say - but tell myself we were so lucky to have met and had our time together. I understand you feeling anxious - it seems there is everything to worry about and like you panic if i am invited to go anywhere. Did have 4 sessions of counselling (organised by the hospice) and although i spent most of the sessions sobbing it did help i believe. Perhaps that could be a help to you? Do hope in the months to come you see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Take care.
Davina