At the moment, and it may change, I find even the good memories are bittersweet and they don’t give me comfort. It may be the stage of grieving I’m at. X
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Hello Muldool
How I agree with your message completely. God surely wouldn’t be so cruel. Geoff believed but it didn’t help him at the end. I don’t think I believe any more. It must be a strange being who takes the good ones and leaves their loved ones grieving. I am so alone and heartbroken so can’t believe any more
I am so sorry as you sound so heartbroken and you are suffering. You have really helped me with your messages and I am sorry you are suffering so much. Please take care and you really do help me.love Carol
l
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Hi Nell2
I agree with you about the good memories. If I think about our past it upsets me too much because I know we will never have that again. I was reading some posts yesterday and people were saying about friends saying about going on holiday and such. I started thinking about the lovely holidays we had each year and I got upset. I upset now just writing it down. I can’t bear this life without my husband. I miss him so much.x
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Hello Loobyloo2
Just read your post to Nell2. I am sorry you are feeling the way you are. I have just been sitting here today so lonely and crying. The tears just won’t stop. I don’t understand what happened so suddenly. Geoff’s books are still where he left them and I just want him there reading them. Just heard that my family have all gone to a music festival and I can’t understand that although I still want them to live normally. I think it just makes me lonelier. Just know we are are thinking of you. Take care. Love Carol
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Thanks Carol21
Even though you may have refused, did your family not invite you to the music festival? It may have just given you something to do rather than spend another lonely day on your own. I know only too well about being on one’s own. I spend a lot of time on my own well, apart from my dog.x
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Thanks Loobyloo
Thanks for reply. No they didn’t ask me but I wouldn’t have gone. Just a call from them would be nice but they just want to get on with their own lives. I am just lost and you will know that feels. I still sit here and talk to Geoff. I was with Geoff for 52 years so everything seems so lonely now. You will know what this is like. Please take care of your self. I am sure your husband would want you to do that. Take care. Carol
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that is insane to make such Hallmark comments.
I guess you know the people to cut loose …
Hi Carol,
Its nice to know the my messages have helped a little, I know only too well how you are feeling.
This forum and people like yourself have helped me too.
I’m sitting here alone, except for my dogs who are fast asleep.
Just looking at a photo of me and Pete on my sideboard, we are both smiling and look so happy, it was taken at my friends wedding 2 years ago. We didn’t have a care in the world.
Sudden and unexpected death is so traumatic, I will never get over the shock, I relive it every day.
Sending good wishes
Muldool
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Hi Mary AE,
So sorry for your loss, I am in Co Down.
It’s not a club any of us wanted to join I am grateful for the support I’ve had on this forum though.
Muldool
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Hi Muldool,
I was okay yesterday,but I’m not great today,it’s just the way it is on a regular basis.I have many photos of Kevin around me as you probably have of Pete as it makes me feel still connected to my husband.I have made a memory box and I have kept a few letters that he wrote to me when he was posted to the first Gulf War when we had only been married for about 3 months.When I feel a bit down I get them out and read them and feel his love wrapped around me once again.I do hope that everyone on here has something that they can hang onto to make themselves feel a little bit better.
Sweetie
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Sweetie We all need need something to hang onto… I have photos everywhere we have the family gallery along the hall walls … I panicked today as I thought I’d accidently lost the last email he sent me but thankfully I found it … I printed it out now it’s safe in my memory box… knowing I have a memory box is a comfort …
its just complete shit though and so unfair …
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MaryAE
It certainly doesn’t feel fair when good people go before some bad people I thought I had much longer with Kevin.I get a bit panicky when I think my memory of him is fading because I don’t want to forget him,so I talk to him everyday as if he were here.Some things I have on my phone are too distressing to look at at the moment so I tend to remind myself with mementos of happier times.My brother has put a series of photos to a favourite piece of music so I play that on my ipad now and again and I lose myself in the moment.I miss him so much as I’m sure everyone on here misses their loved one.
Sweetie
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very honest expression …
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This is a post I particularly totally relate to
I was with my partner and love of my live for only nine short years and it was a long distance relationship too, met when we we’re both in our 60’s, would have lived together in a heartbeat but her family made sure that didn’t happen, to this day since the funeral well over eighteen months ago they totally cut me out, think they thought I was only after her money but we had both written wills with no mention of each other, so apart from my daughter i’ve trod this lonely path on my own, it’s so hard, some goodish days but mostly where I totally break down
She retired only a few months before she suddenly died after many years of trying and wanting to, she was a strong atheist but I do have a robin that visits and props on the branch outside my front window most days!
Weekends was ‘our time’ and i’m sitting typing this with a huge lump in my throat, the pain never goes away, took some comfort from the ‘fog’ some people have mentioned and totally relate to it, sneding much love and thoughts
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@Lookingforhope Yes, she was the best, way out of my league but she loved me. I totally agree, I would love to look back on happy times, but it’s so tragic because everything would confirm what I’ve lost - so my brain wont let me do so. I still can’t understand what is going on…
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@Muldool I totally agree, if there was a God, he wouldn’t have taken Sharon. She lasted almost 3 years since diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer, and she really really didn’t want to leave me. At this point, I can’t even start to allow myself to think of the unfairness of this - I thing the rage would consume me and I’d lose control. If I did believe in God, I’d kill as many clergy as I could - but its all mumbo jumbo. I just don’t understand why Sharon was robbed of her existence, for no reason.
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Hi I am ten months on and it’s no better for me . When I think if happy times with my hubby and the beautiful memories I have. For a second I feel grateful and even happy I have these memories.but then the rest of the day I am in great distress missing all the love we had. And knowing that this is it .no more memories to make. And just sadness and heartbreak and loneliness. I think it’s what I call the broken brain . Grief fog. In fact at the moment I’m in dense grief fog. Hoping you and all others find a way of getting through each and every hard day .xtake carex
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Grief Fog … never a better way of explaining what is and has been happened, I am such a different person now
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Perfect description “Grief fog”. That’s exactly it. I ask myself: “how much longer can I go on like this?” I think I’m ‘cracking up’, remembering a London expression. Especially weekends, hot summer days, (a bit too much at the moment, 37 centigrade), just make me feel worse than ever, missing my soulmate like crazy,missing those holidays and day trips together. Every day day is the same now, weekends don’t exist for me anymore, all those special Sunday lunches I used to prepare, it’s all gone. I feel guilty for my kids, but they’re OK about this as theyre always worried about keeping fit, eating light and healthy, counting calories, gym classes, maintaining a good slim figure,you know how 20/30 yr-olds are nowadays.
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Hi . I also say " I have lost the plot " don’t know if people know what I mean . It is so hard without our husbands, the one person that got me . I miss everything about our happy life . I try so much each day to be positive . It lasts for about an hour then I’m in floods of tears jus wanting what we had . We just plod on each day for the sake of our kids ( mines both adults with there own kids ) but also I don’t want to be a burden on them . They deserve to have a happy life . Like me and hubby had . It’s just all so sad for everyone going through this . Sending love and strength to get through each day xtake carex.
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