Broken2222,
I find the evenings and trying to get to sleep are the worst times,knowing I’m never again going to hear his key in the lock when he used to come in after a night shift.When he retired we were going to do so many things together,covid and the brutal cancer robbed us of the chance to enjoy time together when he did retire.I talk to him all the time in the hope he may be out there somewhere and can hear me.I think it’s the little everyday things that can upset me,silly little things,plants that he planted and are now in flower and he will never see.I keep going every day but I put on a front for other people but I don’t enjoy life I’m just another day closer to when I might be with him again,so I empathise with all who are on here and wish them peace of mind because that’s all you can ask for.
Sweetie
Hi Jessica,
I’m sorry you are having such a tough time, I am in the same boat as you living alone with my 2 dogs who Pete also adored, they are my reason to carry on, but it’s so bloody hard.
I talk to my dogs about their Dada as we used to call him, I also talk to his ashes.
It’s 8 months since I lost my soul mate, very suddenly. Literally full of life when I waved him off for a jog and less that an hour later he was gone, I’ll never get over the shock and I worry about everything now.
This forum has helped me, as I know you all understand what it’s like to live in despair.
Sending love
Muldool
Hi . Thank you for your reply . It helps me so much knowing I’m not the only one that feels the way I do . I couldn’t sleep for the first six months . I grabbed an hour here and there . I get about four hours sleep now . I was always a good sleeper . Chris used to say I could fall asleep on a washing line . Now I think what a waste sleeping was . I find it hardest on a morning . I always woke first and just lay in bed looking at him . Thinking how lucky I was . Now I wake and look and kiss his photo . So sad . Every day is a day closer to being with him . I have to believe that I will . Most days it’s the only thing that keeps me going .sending love and strength to get us all through each day and night xtake carex
go to the rescue of your FATHER … he sounds like he needs YOU.
that will occupy you … you do not want to lose him, as well.
you will feel good doing so.
@berit : this blog is for those who have lost a partner. So whilst I sympathise with you losing parents - with the utmost respect - I don’t find your “advice” to me of any help, as you have no idea of what I’m going through. Thanks.
DennisS
I do agree with you,losing a parent is completely different to losing a partner,if you are a child it may be different.I think with losing a partner means you have lost someone who knew you in the most intimate way possible,someone who you probably saw everyday,someone who you made plans together with, who made you feel loved and you loved them.It’s impossible to list all the ways they made your life so safe and comfortable and that’s all gone in an instant.I loved my parents dearly and still miss them but it definitely is not the same.
Having lost my father 10yrs ago and my soulmate 4 months ago, I agree losing your soul mate is completely devastating.
I was very close to my father, it took around a year before I could smile again.
The difference is, unless you live with your parents, the rest of your life continues as before and you are still the same person as before
Losing your soulmate turns everything in your world upside down and inside out. You are never going to be that same, happy, content person who truly loved and was loved in return. Everything changes including your status, no more we and us, just I and me. Devastating.
I am slowly coming out of the worst of grief, able to unlock the doors and venture out most days now. The brain fog is slowly lifting but I cant yet imagine my future.
Hi Emee,
So sorry for your loss.
I do agree with you, I lost my Dad 15 years ago and up until then I had no concept of grief, I thought it was the worst time of my life, and thought I would never get over it.
But losing my soul mate has absolutely destroyed me, it is a different grief, when you find that person who becomes part of you, the bond is very different, I miss the closeness, the hugs the affection, his smell, he gorgeous blue eyes, but most of all the one person who really got me!
My heart is so broken, my future gone, its just horrible what all of us on here have to endure everyday for the rest of our lives.
Sending love
Muldool
DennisS
I totally agree with you I have lost both my parents and felt my heart was being ripped out when my mum passed away at the age of fifty one with cancer. But loosing my partner is totally different you share your life and soul with that person all the little things said between you what you would never share with a parent I miss my partner every given minute of the day and really feel what am I here for.
Jessica
Hi Jessica1231,
Yes, like you say, all the little things only you and your partner shared. It’s all gone. We all know that feeling well. It hurts so much. I’m the same, I miss my lovely, funny, handsome man every minute of every day. And I can’t see a future without him. It all looks so very bleak.
Sending love.x
Thank you Muldool. I would echo all that you said. I can still smell Tony from his pillow and have his voice and animated face on video which usually makes me cry, he was such a happy person.
We can never heal from the loss of our soulmate only learn to carry it with us. My thoughts are with you. Emeexx
The replies about the difference in grief between parents and spouse are bang on .
I hurt badly when I lost both my parents relatively young , now losing my wife is on a scale beyond comparison for me , I mean that in a sincere way .
Nothing , nothing has prepared me for this , yet we knew months before she died this was inevitable, we talked about it often. It’s a grief that I know I can’t come back from, I’m done , gone .
Look at my early posts , full of positivity’s, hope. Look at me now 8 weeks on , I’ve had my soul ripped out , pointless is my life now . Not a woman on this earth could ever get me like Mandy did , folk are right , the little things we shared together , scratching her back , stroking her head , dog voices we did to our wee dog . The cuddles , her smell , my smell , her odd ways my odd ways , ways she still lived , the little odd things we shared .
Not another woman could get it , so here I am 54 alone just wanting to go .
Glenn54,
I wish there was a magic wand to help you through your terrible loss,I feel for you acutely.I have been going through this for 8 months,I thought I was coping okay at the beginning but I really wasn’t and I think it all caught up with me leaving me a soggy mess most of the time.Everybody is different in how they cope,I will never get over the loss of my darling Kevin,he was the love of my life.I can still smell his prescence every now and again.My brain still will not accept his loss it keeps trying to make him appear to me again.I bury my face in his clothes to get close to him.So this is not the same as losing a parent as I’ve tried to explain to people,it’s like a physical pain and I understand why people die of a broken heart.This site does help me to say to members what I can’t say to anyone else,don’t listen to anyone who says you should be doing this or that.Do what you think is best for yourself and if people don’t like it tough.Be kind to yourself,I don’t know if I’ll come out the other side but I will never regret the time I had with Kevin.
Agree with you about being a good actress. Try to put on a bright front for the outside world and then of course everone thinks you are getting over your loss but
Yes, exactly, I suddenly realise at nearly 55 yrs old, I’m quite a good actress, against my will, or course. @Sweetie, just like you, I have said so much on this site I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone else, not to my kids because it would upset them, and not to other family or friends, as they would just say the usual “Life goes on”.
@Sweetie @Emee @Jessica1231 @Loobyloo2 @Northumbrian54 @Muldool @Solost Thank you all for the comments, confirming that losing a partner is so different to losing a parent. I felt a bit guilty after having done the reply to berit, so thanks - but to be frank I’m totally sick of people who don’t understand what the F they are talking about, telling me they understand my loss and what I should do.
My mum died when I was 32, and although she was an abusive alcoholic for most of my life, it is still a loss to lose a parent, particularly in the circumstances at that time… but losing my Sharon has totally destroyed me, my soul, and my life.
Hi my mam died when I was 23 and she was 59 . She was the best mam ever . And I still miss her . But the grief and unhappiness and loneliness I feel after my husband died is the most utter devastating . I know the pain of losing a parent or anyone else you love is hard very hard . But losing a partner . I have lost my life as well . I do feel the same as you . If you have never experienced it . you really don’t understand . Sending love and strength to all to help us get through these sad days .xtake carex
@Broken2222 And if I had a pound for everyone who has told me: “I understand, a few years ago I lost my mum/dad/dog/hamster” I’d be a millionaire.
Hello Broken 2222
I completely understand how you are feeling. I found it really hard when my parents died and I still miss them but the grief was nothing like losing my husband a few weeks ago. I can’t move on and the house is now just a lonely cold place. Everywhere I look I still see him and I just want the 52 years we had together back. I rarely see anyone and I am just so lonely and sad. I still talk to Geoff as though he is still here. I don’t see how I can move on and I don’t really want to without him. I will just have to learn to live in this isolation but I don’t know how. I am so unhappy and lost. Take care and I am sure others on this site will help with the kind messages they send to you. Love from Carol
Hi so sorry for your loss . It is so hard to keep on keeping on . Chris is in my thought every minute of every day . It’s ten months since he died . Ten months since I have kissed him . Hugged him . And just had him with me knowing . How much we loved and needed each other . I just exsist day to day . I have no future . I don’t want a future without him . He was my life . The only person that got me . I do have adult kids and I don’t live alone . But I am still so lonely without him . Sending love and strength to help us all get through these sad days xtake carex