Thank you @Becca_d .
I know - a large part of my brain is still very confused about what’s happened, and I have surprised myself at how I’ve been able to switch that off and focus on a task, but it feels like an unnecessary distraction from a really important process.
Hi Deb just got back from dentist, I knew I’d have to have treatment because I haven’t been cleaning my teeth properly, I need 3 fillings and a clean. The good news is I’ve got some of those tiny brushes to clean in-between my teeth
My brothers just had me in tears on the phone when I told I’m been to the dentist and been shopping, I was actually quite proud of myself. Then I told him I was expecting to have treatment at the dentist because I’ve not been looking after my teeth properly. At that point I got a lecture and so we had a blowout and I’ll tell you about that later because he’s just been round and I’ve wasted nearly 3 hours trying to make him understand how I’m affected by this grief 
I need to sweep my drive now while its dry, I’ve been waiting for 3 days. Hope you having an ok day
Cheryl xx
I totally understand that @Burgled . I can switch into autopilot at work and just get on with it. But it leaves me exhausted. I have about 30 parents to talk to tonight and I am just not in the mood for it. It’s just non stop.
I just don’t feel like talking to pupils and parents about their futures and life choices when my life feels so horrible.
I feel that if I accept my mom is gone, then I lose some connection with her. I cried driving home today.
The hardest part of all I think this the accepting part and that’s what I’m working on with my counsellor as that’s the bit I’m feeling guilty about I feel guilty because if I accept mum has gone then I’m actually moving on with my life and feel that if I move on then I’m scared I’ll forget things, but then there are things I want to forget as I’m torchering myself otherwise, but I know exactly what you mean xx
Hi @Lisa_L51
I’ve been told in counselling and by other’s who have gone through a painful greif that you do forgot about the painful feelings and memories of loss and they are replaced by the good memories. Apparently that’s when we can smile again. I’m hanging on for that day when love doesn’t feel so painful 
xx
Yeah I’m hoping that too eventually, I’m on the right path but it will take as long as it takes as I process everything but I will get there one day x
Exactly we all will, the one thing I’ve learned is that it can’t be rushed, one step at a time
Take care 
Hi all
How are we all doing ? I can see a few new ones since I last come and I just wanted to say sorry for your loss be it mother or father . Although I’ve been absent a lot from here it’s been more due to my own state of mind and no reflection of people on here who have been a massive help since mums passing
Just scrolling through a few messages above I can see we are still struggling with the same heartache and pain as the day we lost our loved ones .
Im now 132 days in although I’ve accepted what’s happened and nothing will ever change it , it doesn’t make the pain any less if anything I feel more guilty than ever for carrying on
I went in Morrisons for the first time since mums passing yday ( she loved there for a shop and a cup of tea ) and would take her regularly especially the past couple of years whilst being her carer … I just felt so horrible in there and it felt wrong to be in there without her if that makes sense
Thinking of you all
X
@Lisa_L51 feeling the same. If i move on will i forget its like i dont want these awful feelings to leave as it reminds me of the that love x
It sounds like we might be putting pressure on ourselves to come out of the other side of grief. Yes, we should carry on, but never move on. I will continue to cry every day for a long time to come. But I’ll also get up, shower, take care of loved ones, do chores etc. My aim is to become functional through the pain and the grief.
I have a similar fear to what a lot of you are sharing - i dont want that connection and closeness i feel to my mum to fade over time - even if shes not physically here i still need her as close to me as possible on a daily basis. I dont want her to become just a photo in an album or a memory in a memory box. I was slightly reassured in my bereavement group when a lady who lost her husband 5 years ago said she still feels incredibly close to her husband and that he is with her.
It’s nice to hear from you I hope your well I’m still not back at work yet but making plans, I’m feeling like I’ve made progress with my counselling although it’s quite mind blowing I’m releasing a lot of what I’ve been feeling and I don’t really feel like I’m in that dark dark hole any more, I do still feel like I’m on that rollercoaster waiting to jump off though and I know it’s a long road ahead but with the help of my counsellor I’m dealing with my emotions better x
That’s my aim also i need to be able to work through my grief so I can get back to work that’s my plan, I still have days were I get quite emotional but I also have days were I am ok x
Hi Lisa
Thank you and you too … don’t rush the work thing if you’re not ready . I’ve done it twice now and had to more time
It’s early for us all still and losing any parent is heart wrenching and I know from losing my
Dad also 5 years ago but it’s just different when it’s your mum isn’t it
I play so much over in my head all the time … times I snapped at her during the latter months when the dementia really was so bad but it wasnt her fault and I hate myself for it
I feel we will all still be having similar conversations in 3 months . There is no pain like the loss of a parent is there
Genuinely hope your doing as well as possible x
I am going to write down all my feelings and thoughts about how my mom died. I saw a friend today and talked about it all as hadn’t seen her properly since my mom died.
My head is so tired. I cried in the car on the way home from seeing her. I have just got home from parents evening. 3 hours solid of talking. I am so done in now.
Tomorrow marks the start of ovarian cancer awareness month. I am doing a challenge of walking 100km in March (2 miles a day) to raise money. I feel like this will give me something to focus on. My mom died less than 24 hours after being diagnosed & 2 hours after we found out 
So sorry for your loss @Becca_d
Your mum will be so proud of you when you do your charity walk
Just hope the rain stops!! Need some sunshine now. Wish i didn’t have to do this walking challenge. But it will be cathartic
I hope it will and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the sunshine 
Oh definitely when your that close to parent it’s heartbreaking my biological father died when I was 16 but he hadn’t really been a part of my life he’d remarried I only seen him occasional every other Saturday but my mum was my best friend she raised me your mum is your mum no one can ever replace her it’s not the same, I have my stepdad though and I know he’s probably not got that many years left as he’s 91 but he’s here now and as well as the kids he’s keeping me going they are the reason I get up of a morning or I wouldn’t be here I don’t think x