Hi Ally,
You are so right even though at times we’ll most of the time actually it’s very hard to see it.
Being grateful for the simplest of things is what I try to do. Stopping to look at a shell on the beach or a flower in my garden or reading something or doing a jigsaw. Sometimes it’s something that is so easy that brings the most joy.
Big hugs
Deborah x
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Ulma, I hope you’re doing better today. The past days have been miserable for me as well.
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Just found this poem
If Christmas is hard,
If you’ve lost someone dear.
Just look in your heart,
And you’ll know they’re still here.
The star in the sky,
the light falling snow.
The robins outside
it seem like they know.
If this is a time,
When you’re struggling through.
Just do what you can,
For what matters, is you.
There’s no need to be merry.
There’s no need to bright.
Just do what you can,
It will all be alright!
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That’s lovely Lucy
But my god I’m 8’weeks since mums passing now and I’m always going to miss and love her so much but I thought a little bit of pain may have eased but it’s not , not one bit . And I hate she passed away the one weekend in 2 years I left her it cuts me deep I wasn’t here for her in those last moments
I went into her room today and it’s exactly as it was the day she left … I can still smell her in a loving way . I held her jumper and broke down again 
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Yeah I’m fine thanks just a bit sore, been to see my dad today, kids stayed with him for the first time this weekend since my mum passed away x
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I wear my mum’s scarf it’s lovely and soft it’s like a hug around my kneck I’m allways crying into it x
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Thanks for asking and I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had bad day too. 
I’m not worse, that’s something, right? But exhausted and achy from all the crying.
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Just been trying to find a christmas gift bag in Mums stuff and came across an unused birthday card “for a special daughter” 
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ulma, be good to yourself. eat proper and stay warm. i’ll do the same. hugs
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i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) - e.e. cummings
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I’ve had a terrible nights sleep. Don’t want to go to work, don’t want to face the day. Everyday is another step closer to Christmas Day and I am dreading it.
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You and me both becca . Last night I was as upset as the day my mum passed away with thinking about not seeing her for the first time
ever on Christmas day
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I bought my mum a card I got as far as writing mum and burst out crying it’s been a up and down day today, felt ok this morning when I got up, went to town to collect my youngest daughter’s present then I cried in the card shop, then again in the taxi coming home when the taxi driver started talking about Christmas and how he was looking forward to it, then told him I wished it would come and go felt like a party pooper.
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You really can’t escape. It’s Christmas Christmas everywhere. All joy and happiness and here we are, in pain and panic. I managed to put up a few Christmas decorations, but just couldn’t bear to do more. And then it’s New Year after this. It doesn’t end.
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I never put my tree up kids dad did whilst I was in hospital can’t bear looking at it I want to rip it down but can’t because of my girls, I don’t really celebrate new year and nothing to celebrate this year my mum was allways the first to phone me at 12 but that’s never going to happen again just another reminder she’s not here xx
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Of course it’s important for the girls, but I understand it’s difficult for you. I have absolutely no inclination to celebrate anything either.
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Yes my mum always wanted me to ring her literally the minute it struck 12 and I did every year without fail . I just want to wake up and it be like the 3rd or something
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I just feel like how is this happening to me. It can’t be real.
I was supposed to be going out with a friend tonight, but she may have to cancel as her daughter is waiting for 111 to ring her back. I know she can’t help it. But I was really looking forward to seeing her and talking and just forgetting about all this rubbish. I also had a minor accident at work and badly sprained my foot. Thought it was broken. Just been a rubbish day, knew I should have stayed in bed.
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How does everyone else feel about Xmas day ? I’m meant to be going my sisters but I don’t want any of Xmas day ! Would it be rude if I locked my front door and turned my phone off for the day . I just can’t see one moment of happiness without my mum here Christmas Day . It makes me feel sick x
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