Hi Becca, I haven’t been in here for a while as I’ve withdrawn into myself lately, which is what I do when I’m struggling mentally. I’ve been ok ish since going back to work after 3 months off, mam passed in January this year.
Her house is sold and its time to clear it. For some reason this has haunted me from the beginning and the family have arranged for us to start clearing next Saturday. It’s brought the grief crashing back and I feel so lonely and lost and in floods of tears. Sorry for the ramble but I know what you mean about life never being the same again, I just can’t see the point anymore, I too am heartbroken 
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@Pixiecat sorry you feel the same. It must be so hard having to go through her stuff and sell the house. Me and my dad can’t even think about sorting out my mom’s stuff. Things are left as she left them.
I don’t see the point of anything either.
Sending lots of love 
Thanks so much for replying and I hope you het get some peace
Sending love back 🩷
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Sending hugs to all - it sounds like we’re all going through similar experiences- ive been in "hiding " because i simply cant bear seeing anyone or doing anything over and above the absolute essentials right now. Everything else is just too jarring. We applied for probate - i wanted it to take as long as possible as i cant bear the thought of selling mums house. We were advised it would be 2-4 months so i prepared myself for 2 months minimum …and ours got approved in just 2 WEEKS! So that was a massive trigger for me 
Im now waiting to find out my siblings thoughts on when to sell the house, as we all have different views. On top of that its mums birthday mid July, so everything feels completely overwhelming. I went for some reiki on friday and when they laid their hands on me i welled up as i realised thats the first physical contact ive had with anyone since the last session a month ago. I miss my mums hugs 
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Hi @Ally6 try and do things at your pace. It sounds so overwhelming.
I know what you mean about touch. I feel like I need to be hugged and don’t really get it. I just want to feel my mom’s hugs and hold her hand. I just feel so lost and empty.
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Another one in hiding here. 
It’s been really difficult for me the last couple of weeks and like Ally said, everything is just too jarring. It’s like having all the nerves on the outside, if that makes sense.
Hugs to everyone. 
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Its just so hard this grief and the worst thing is it has a life of it’s own and can strike at anytime
Sending hugs to anyone struggling today 
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Hi @ulma, makes perfect sense. Sounds like we have all been in hiding. I just have nothing left to give. Still got 2 weeks before the end of term and I am so busy. My head really can’t cope.
The harder we love
Means the harder we grieve
The harder it is
To go on when they leave
The harder to sleep
And the harder to wake
To know they’re not here
With each breath that we take
It’s hard to look forward
And hard to look back
Stuck in the middle,
Imprisoned and trapped
Where the harder the darkness
The harsher the light,
The harsher this world
That keeps spinning with life
But when that world’s feeling
So painful and hard
And you can’t imagine
Escaping the dark
It might help a little
To know it’s because
The harder we grieve
Means the harder we loved
Becky Hemsley 2023
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Oh my goodness what a beautiful poem. Absolutely spot on
It’s exactly how I feel.
Thank you so much for sharing it
Felt a bit lost this morning and it has lifted me with the words being just what I was thinking about
Love Deborah x
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Gosh what can I say through the tears
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Yep i thought it captured perfectly what a lot of us seem to be feeling right now
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Totally agree x
Beautiful words. Feel everyone of them. I just can’t believe this is real, this is my life now .
Ho Becca this is my life now and I have the shame of knowing I should have done better by my mum . every minute of every day it consumes me I don’t know what to do with it. I know its my own making so i don’t want sympathy i deserve nothing.
all you good people have the love, embrace it and let it sustain you .
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Hi olive, so sorry you feel this way. I get it, I have times where I feel I should have done more for my mom.
Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? I am having some bereavement counselling soon.
Sending hugs x
Yes I have bereavement counselling it seems to be every two or three weeks i have had one session so far. I’m sure it will help when you see your counsellor. I have been in crisis but seem to be through that now more on autopilot now .
I went to see a counsellor and it didn’t help me one bit. It took me a while that I didn’t need to see a bereavement counsellor and that I could take control of my life by not letting grief consume me.
I was doing it to myself all the time and now I’m so much more happier in myself. It hasn’t been easy far from it.
I still have my bad days where I cry so much. I think it has made me stronger more resilient
I know my grief will be with me for the rest of my life but life doesn’t have to be this way. Only you can control the grief
I feel so unbearably sad. It’s my son’s birthday on Monday, and his birthday last year was the last time we were altogether as a family. My heart is just breaking. I have a stressful week at work next week & my husband and daughter are away. Which on one hand is nice as I will have some space. But also lonely. I feel like I am living in a dream and I’ll wake up and my mom will still be here. 
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Sending hugs Becca. Its my Mums birthday on Monday, the first without her here so I’m with you on the heartbreak. I have a card and flowers, but no Mum to hand them to I’ll be thinking of you
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