@Ally6 i will be thinking of you tomorrow. I planted a rose on my mom’s birthday and got a little cake and lit a candle. Just tried to remember her as best as we could. Xx
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Will be thinking of you tomorrow 
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Yep - the exhaustion is crippling me . I’ve taken a total of just 8 days off work since Mum died at the end of May . There is just me to support myself so I worry all the time about not being able to function and losing my pay. But most days I can hardly think . I find this baffling as I didn’t have a great relationship with my Mum . I am trying to book leave and spread it out or I will have to take unpaid leave . I just want to go to sleep most of the time
Hi yes I am so tired and crying all the time sometimes I just sit . I don’t know why
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Alone with Only My Memory
Alone with only my memory,
Lost without you here,
Remembering comes so easily,
And with it fall the tears.
They say that time will heal this pain,
That someday it will fade,
But promises feel empty now,
In shadows where I wade.
“Move on,” they urge, but what’s out there,
When nothing feels the same?
Without you, I have lost myself,
Adrift without a name.
Each day I wander through this fog,
A heart so heavy, torn,
Trying to find a way to live,
In silence and in mourn.
Yet still, I hold on to our past,
Though sorrow clouds my view,
And hope that in the days to come,
I’ll find a way through.
Until that day, I’ll keep you close,
In memories, in dreams,
And wait for when remembering,
Brings peace within its seams…
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That is so beautiful
I feel so overwhelmed. It’s the last day of term tomorrow and I have 6 weeks off. I should be looking forward to it. But I feel sad. My mom died on 30th August 2023, right before I was due back to work after the summer break. I have no idea how I have got through this academic year without her. My heart is just so heavy and sad.
My husband is away at the moment, I have had a very stressful week and I just need a hug. 
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Sending virtual hugs to you Becca 
Its bound to be tough, you’re leading up to that first anniversary and without your hubby there im guessing youve had more time left alone with your thoughts? When is hubby due back? In the meantime are there things you wouldnt normally be able to do with the family around that you could take advantage of this time alone? Im sure when the family is around you feel youve got to keep things running, prepare meals etc. If the only person to please is yourself, and you feel like looking at photos of your mum and crying, or staying in your pajamas all day and watching movies, just do it while theres no one there making demands on you
He gets back tomorrow. His mother has been a night mare this week as well. Long story but his sister went away with him and our daughter, his sister ended up having to come back.
I have pottered around the house today and chilled as it is a rare day that I had the house to myself.
I am crying lay in bed. I just want my mom. 
Oh the words are so lovely and sums up everything I feel.
Just beautiful.
Thank you for sharing it
Deborah x
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I know Becca, i feel the same . Ive had a tough counselling session today and an unhelpful conversation with a friend, and i just feel so lost
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I am sorry, counselling is tough. Make sure you rest as much as you can.
I just go round pretending I am ok, when in reality I am broken inside.
Sending you virtual hugs xx
I feel like the light has gone out in me. I just don’t see what the future holds. Don’t know if I want to go back to work in September.
Little things keeps setting me off. I just want my mom here: she was my biggest champion, always believed in me. I feel like I am letting her down with how I am.
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Hi becca
I have been where you are now. It took me over 7 years to come to the realisation that I don’t have to feel like this and that I can take control of my life. Believe me I have done a lot of soul searching it really hurt to let go. I know my mum wouldn’t think any less of me by not letting grief consume me
You will find a way to pull yourself out.
Everyone on here will help you it’s helped me a lot I’m much happier in myself
Take care and look after yourself
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Oh, Becca. That’s the thing, isn’t it, that the light has gone out of us. I doubt, to be honest, that I will ever get it back. This depression is one I don’t think I will be able to recover from and what that means for my life ahead, I don’t know.
You are not letting her down, though, I feel sure about that. She would understand that you struggle.
Maybe it would be a good thing to try another kind of job? Or a job at another place? You could at least explore other options while you’re on leave, just to see what might be possible.
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Hi @ulma,
I don’t know how I will recover from this. I have a dr appointment tomorrow. He must be sick of me. I feel like such a burden. I feel so burnt out and exhausted.
I have felt absolutely dreadful all day. Been trying to sort the house out.
I don’t know what kind of job I could do. I have spent the last 6 years studying to get my degree. I am good at my job, but I am disillusioned with working in education. I feel so let down.
I just miss my mom so much. I am starting some bereavement counselling on Wed evening. It is over the phone, which isn’t great. But better than nothing. I have my normal counselling the next morning so can make the most of that as well.
My head just feels a mess.
Sending you lots of hugs too.
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Hi Beccca I think you are trying to think of too many things at one time, you are exhausted, rest and be kind to yourself, Baby steps.
take care
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You have 6 weeks off now Becca, try and make space for yourself and for things that will help your wellbeing - dont let all the time get filled up with more busy-ness!
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I have been to the Dr’s today. I now have low B12, low Viramin D so on medication for that now for the next 2 months. I am being tested for type 2 diabetes as well, had 2nd blood test today. So all of that along with grief, dept and anxiety is making me feel utterly 
.
Oh, so much to deal with when you least want it! I had really low viramin D when i was tested a few months after mum died. I wonder if the grief unbalances it? My body ached all over deep in my bones, but the high dose vit D worked. I know supplements arent going to make the world suddenly seem rosy but it might help you feel a tiny bit less rotten in yourself. I hope the diabetes test comes back clear for you.
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