It’s so stressful with my MIL, they are looking to discharge her home. But she is now bed bound and in all honesty she wants to go home to die.
I do not want to deal with this, I am grieving my own mom. We have managed to get away for a few days. But part of my fully expects that we will have to leave early to go home.
I have spoken to macmillan today, they were really helpful. Had a cry. I feel so drained and can believe this is happening again at about the same time as my mom.
Im sorry that things are so tough for you and your family right now. 
I know how triggering this must be happening at this time of year. Just take it one day at a time, thats all you can do. Try and make the most of your holiday, however long it is. Whilst youre off work, would it help to maybe set aside some specific time each day which is your time to be alone and think about your mum/talk to her, grieve etc? Then even amongst whatever else is going on with your MIL, you’re always making space for your grief and remembering your mum. Sending hugs 
Hi ally6
I just read the poem you sent. Though I don’t believe in a happen it made me cry
Thank you for sharing it
No it’s ok. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t make me cry.
Thank you @Ally6 , hang int here but very tearful and keep crying. Had a melt down on the last day of our holiday. It has been stressful with my MIL and my dad.
Just had enough and my mind and body is utterly exhausted 
. My heart is just breaking and hurting for my mom 
I just keep crying. I want my mom so much. I just need to hold her hand one more time.
I cant begin to imagine what youre going through, but i have some understanding of how horrendous that feeling is - ive had a really tough week and every part of me is longing for my mum. 
Big hugs to you
Big hugs back to you. It’s so so hard losing a parent.
It’s getting closer to the first anniversary. My head is just all over the place. It would have been my payment 53rd anniversary on Wednesday, I am taking dad out for lunch.
Then he has his knee replacement on next Friday. My MIL is still in hospital, they want to discharge her, but waiting for a bed somewhere else. It’s all up in the air with her. But she has cancer and there is only one way that will go. It just fills me with fear.
@Ulma that is exactly how losing a parent feels! I literally had this thought the other day, it feels like when you’ve gone to get them something in a supermarket and then you go back to the place they were and they’re gone. But in the reality of the supermarket that we’re all in, we can’t find their face again and we’re just stuck.
It’s 12 weeks this week since my mum died, I feel like it gets worse the further away we get from when she was physically here.
I get you @Bestie18 - I consider a good day is a day when I don’t cry, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to just carry on without her and yet I am. You know every day still comes and you still do the daily things in life, like making breakfast, go to work, do the washing, make dinner etc. So I feel like how do I do this for the rest of my life and get some how every day I still am. Grief and time are unforgiving I feel.
Sending you lots of love, here if you need anything
Thank you KatieLou
I find each morning have to push myself to get up, carry on doing the standard things each day but deep down i feel this sadness thats always there. I am reliving each day mom was in hospital, mom passed away 18th this month. Sending hugs to you too, here for you.
It’s so hard to keep going. Yesterday would have been my parents 53rd wedding anniversary. I took my dad out, it just felt so surreal. My MIL is still in hospital and now they think the cancer may have spread to her spine or there is something happening because of the amount of pain she is in. I don’t think I can take much more. I feel so rubbish mentally. We are fast approaching the first anniversary of my mom’s death on 30th August.
Big hugs to you Becca Coming up to the first anniversary is always going to be heart wrenching, i’ll be there in a couple of months It must be so difficult seeing your MIL suffering but especially at this time. When do you next have your counselling? Its important to keep talking to someone. Just keep hanging on, one day at a time, thats all you can do right now
Thank @Ally6 i had a session on Tuesday. Got 3 more session left. I am back seeing my usual counsellor on 29th August.
It’s horrible waiting to hear what might be wrong with my MIL.
Hi Becca
Can relate, my moms anniversary is tomorrow, passed away at 9.45 in the morning. Can’t explain the heavyness I feel inside. Reliving her in hospital, and can clearly see her there, so hard. Sending hugs
Hi @Bestie18 sending you hugs. It’s so hard reliving every moment. I am full of dread and fear and the fact I am going to have to go through this again with my MIL just makes me feel sick.
Look after yourself tomorrow.
Thank you Becca, you will find the strength to get through x
Thank you Ally