I feel your pain, I have just lost my dad from what turned out to be Kidney cancer which had spread everywhere. In January he was complaining of bad pain in his lower back and leg and went to the GP who diagnosed sciatica and put him on a waiting list for physio. After 3 months he got the physio but made no difference. He went back to the GP time and time again and eventually got referred for a prostate check, then told he had to wait until may to even get a scan. From there told its ok if we find anything then don’t worry we can fix it. Long story short he got sicker and sicker and all everyone seemed to do is keep scanning and testing. No treatment. Nothing. I had to fight to get any support all the way through. All the time doctors telling us very little, then told he is on palliative care three weeks ago and lost him yesterday. I feel like I have failed him, there should have been more that we could have done, a treatment, something.
I’m so sorry Marie. I imagine that at the time you felt very frustrated and like there must be more that could be done, and then perhaps at times you might have quietened your instinct and reasured yourself that at some point someone would get to the bottom of it…? If you do pursue a complaint/claim then I wish you speedy access to the notes.
Be assured that you haven’t failed him. Twenty years ago, we could have put our full faith in the medical profession. There were home visits, no such thing as ‘associate practitioners’ or ‘advanced nurse practitioners’ or any other jargon job titles that try to subtly gloss over the fact that they don’t have a medical degree and have no right to be seeing patients.
I too reflect on the steps I could have taken. Just go easy on yourself 
. You’re not the villain; the underfunded healthcare system is.
I hope you managed to get some sleep last night @Becca_d and that work isnt too stressful for you today 
Its a hard journey for all of us and carrying grief day after day is exhausting. Big hugs 
But just to add, you will have a million priorities at the moment, and requesting notes etc. can wait.
You need to look after yourself. Keep hydrated, and get outside for a walk. The next few weeks and months will be very very tough, but we understand, here, so keep coming back and sharing .
@Marie44 i am so sorry for your loss. It is early days so look after yourself. Yiur story sounds similar to mine. For 6 months I went back & forth to Dr with my mom who just kept passing the buck. She was in hospital for the last 12 days of her life and the day before she died they decided to do a scan. 2 hours before she died we were told she had metastatic ovarian cancer. It was a shock.
Just take time to process and feel the grief. There is time to work out what to do and get the notes.
Sending lots of love
So true Ally, i find not many people ask how i am anymore including partner, its as though you can’t open up and say how you feel
Grief is hard, it’s often the elephant in the room. Just because I am functioning doesn’t mean I am over it. I am far from over it. All I think is when am I going to wake up from this nightmare.
Thank you @Ally6
I wished my friend a happy birthday the other day and he said thanks, and asked me, “Life good?”. When I said no, he asked why. 
I responded that I thought it would be obvious, but that, living an hour away from as he does, he’s not going to know on a day-to-day basis how my loss is affecting me. But even still… (!)
Thank you, everything just seems like a blur at the moment. I spoke to the medical examiner who has started an inquiry into the medical process and lack of communication throughout. I am so sorry and shocked to hear that your mum had a scan at such a late point. My hope is to prevent such poor treatment for others in the future.
@Becca_d i can relate to how you’re feeling my heart feels soo heavy with grief and I never thought it was possible for my heart to hurt the way it does, I’m grieving the loss of both my parents with only a few weeks between their passing. I don’t think I will ever go back to being the person I once was, they say time is a great healer and I do so wish this was true but I suppose it’s a little early for me to be healing, if I ever do which I dont think I will, i don’t think I’ll ever get over their loss. I just miss them both soo much and would do anything for one last hug with them. I’m here if you ever want to talk. Lyndsey 
Hi @Larkygirl i am so sorry about your loss. Losing both parents so close to each other is just unthinkable. Just take things one step at a time, be gentle with yourself. We are all here for you xx
Hi Larkygirl
So sorry to hear of your losses. Can’t imagine how your feeling especially losing two parents in short space of time. I never thought losing mom would affect me as much as it has, miss her so much. Take each day at a time, sending hugs
I have felt tearful all day, I am tired and weary of it all. Grief is so hard.
We have a thanksgiving service for my mother in law on Sunday and I just don’t want to go. I am done with it all I just keep reliving everything that happened with my mom.
I am just irritated by it all to do with my MIL. I am grieving my mom.
Sending you a great big hug.
Literally life is so exhausting it’s a bit unbearable sometimes. Like I had a thought the other day I’m so sick of this feeling and of this life. But it’s so hard because no matter what I do I will feel the same. The ache in my bones doesn’t stop, whenever I have a ‘good’ day I cry at the end of it because my mum isn’t here, I go to work and I do daily things and from the outside it might seem like I’m okay day to day but I’m okay because I have to be, and those things and seeing friends are like an escape and even then it’s not really because it creeps back up during the day, I barely get any sleep, my ability to do tasks such as tidy up and put clothes away takes me so much more effort, sometimes my body just can’t take it and get overwhelming feelings of needing to sit down.
But yeah 5 months nearly of this and I’ve had enough and the fact I have to do this for the rest of my life is unbearable to think about so I can’t think about the future and I can’t think about events and family things etc because it’s just too sad. It’s also hard knowing that no matter what I do I will feel the same, the emptiness won’t leave me for as long as I live.
I recognise myself in everything you write and I’m sorry you are struggling so much too. I’m almost a year in from losing my dad and it’s exactly like you describe. These last few weeks I’ve really felt like I’ve hit a wall, so tired of it and as you say, so sick of this life. It’s like being trapped with no way out. I don’t know how to fix it and counselling hasn’t helped, but I suppose I’ll have to give it another go. Sending hugs and hopes for peace for both of us and all of us here.
@Becca_d I totally get how you feel about your MIL , I am ashamed to say I wished it were the other way around and my mum ,my best friend was still here instead of her but then it would mean my husband would feel the pain I feel and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I suppose it’s only natural to wish it was happening to someone else xx
@KatieLou I get how exhausting you feel. Most days i struggle to even hoover up or put a washing on it’s as if all functions have turned off in my brain because of how heavy my heart is, like yourself I struggle to sleep most nights which makes the day ahead even more exhausting. Grief is a tiresome beast. Like yourself I go through the motions of seeing friends but my heart just isn’t in it. It was my great nephews 4th birthday yesterday and the whole family got together to celebrate with him but it was bittersweet as his nana and papa weren’t there. My grandsons are 3 and 2 and they know nana and papa are up in the sky but I know eventually they are going to foget them no matter how much we talk about them or show them photos and that makes me sad but such is life, the world goes round for everyone except me, I’m stuck in longing for them to still be here, I miss them both soo much xx