@Pixiecat I know how hard it is to have to clear out your parents house for it to be sold, this was the part I was dreading the most. The last day I had the keys to my mum and dads house I walked through every room is the house and it was very emotional it was the house I was brought up in of course I had unhappy memories but more happy ones which made leaving it soo hard, I cried solid for 3 days, I just couldn’t physically motivate myself to even get out of bed. I never thought it was possible for my heart to ache this much. Sending love to you xx
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My mum died the day before my grandsons 2nd birthday so it was a bittersweet day, I really struggled all I wanted to do was hide from the world and grieve but I couldn’t do that to my grandson he doesn’t understand what has happened. It was an emotional day as he opened the card and presents that my mum had got for him. My birthday is next Thursday and I do not want to celebrate it in anyway, I can’t face not getting that cheery singsong happy birthday phone call from my parents. Like yourself I want to wake up from this nightmare and find it was just a really bad dream. Sending love xx
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Sorry to hear this but I just wanted to say before my mum passed she wasn’t making a lot of sense and we put it down to a UTI but it was infact sepsis which mimic the signs of a UTI, I would like to raise more awareness of sepsis but have no idea where to start. My prayers are with you xx
I used to share an office with a senior nurse whose job it was to educate all staff on every ward at all of the trust’s hospitals in how to recognise the early signs of sepsis. I imagine there must be a sepsis lead in every trust. I had a quick Google and there are a few sepsis charities, too. I hope that helps.
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@Larkygirl my husband doesn’t feel the same pain as I did. His mother was 93 when she died so had lived her life. My mom was 74 when she died last year, she was ripped away from us in a traumatic way. She was my best friend, my everything and my heart aches for one more moment with her.
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@Becca_d my mum was only 72 when she passed. My nana was 92 when she passed and had lived a good life, I feel robbed of my parents retirement years xx
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My mom passed away at 95, good age and people say it’s amazing her age and I do know this, still was my mom and miss her so much, she was in my life for a long time and this empty feeling never goes. Plus I feel I haven’t been able to grieve properly because of going through complaints procedure on the failed care she received
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@Bestie18 I don’t think age matters it’s still devastating no what what age they were, we always want more time but as we know we come and we must go some sooner than others. It must be awful for you having to deal with this at a tume you should be grieving. You are in my thoughts and sending 
xx
Larkygirl
Thank you, we are all feeling this way because of how much they meant to us. I won’t give up until I get answers. Mom worked all her life, she was owed the care she should of had at the end of her life like many others. Sending hugs to you
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I was out at the local garden centre with my daughter this afternoon. She said I really Nannie, it’s really sad she isn’t here” 
it’s hard to navigate my own grief, but I know my kids are hurting. They aren’t little, they are 22 & 24. But I hurt for them too.
Looking at all the Christmas stuff just reminds me that we have to face another Christmas without her.
Tomorrow is the thanksgiving service for my MIL. I am dreading it. I don’t want to go, it’s just dragging on and triggering.
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Hiya @Larkygirl
I appreciate you replying and am really sorry for your losses.
I went back to work after 3 months of my mum passing and found it helped, I work term time so I’m off for two weeks now and the grief is trying to take over, I think probably because it’s my mum’s birthday on 31st. I’m really dreading it as it’s the first one without her being here. I just keep thinking that the death of our parents totally changes everything about ourselves and that nothing will ever be the same again and there’s a massive void in our lives. On one hand I know it’s just nature and no-one gets away with losing their loved ones but the way it leaves some, not everyone is so painful and cruel.
Sorry for the rant, and I really hope you are coping and feeling ok
Cheryl
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@burgled thank you i will look into it xx
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@Becca_d my oldeat daughter who is 24 was the apple of my mum and dad’s eye and it breaks my heart knowing the pain she is going through, they just need to know we’re here for them. This will be my 1st Christmas without my parents and I am dreading it, We usually book a table and have dinner out but I’m scared to do that this year incase I don’t feel up to it on the day. How did you cope on your 1st Christmas? I hope things went well with your MIL service 
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Hi @Larkygirl it is all so raw for you.
My MIL service went well, better than I thought. I just feel
Emotionally drained this week.
Last Christmas was really tough, not going to lie. The empty chair at the table. Dinner was just thrown together. We didn’t quite know what to do. It just felt so empty. I broke down crying at 6pm uncontrollably as it was all too much. It hi k my advice is don’t put any expectations on the day, just go with the flow. We did take a chair away from the table, but the space was obvious.
Do what you feel is right, even if you stay at home and have Christmas dinner or what ever meal you want. I wish I had better advice, but it was really tough.
Sending hugs xx
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@Becca_d thank you for sharing that with me, it’s going to be soo hard tbh I wish I could skip it but that’s not fair to my children or grandchildren so I put a smile on for the day and likely fall apart when everyone is away. xx
Today is my birthday the 1st one without either of my parents and I’m struggling to get through the day, my sister sent me beautiful red roses this morning so I’m going to the crematorium later and I’ll take a rose each for my mum and dad. I know I’m an adult but every birthday I’ve always woken up to text from my mum on my birthday and had a card to open (we always had to get our cards the night before so we could open them on the day) and I just feel empty inside that this is what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life
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Hi everyone it’s been a while, can’t believe a year has gone by we had my mum’s first anniversary 2 days ago and I spent the day with my dad he seems ok he doesn’t really show his feelings but we talk about mum a lot and I get teary eyed each time I look at her picture but we are doing ok I’m just shocked that she has been gone a year and I keep expecting her to call me or when I’m sad to give me a hug, I miss having a laugh with her I just miss her so much but it’s a part of my life going forward now and I don’t have to see her in pain anymore, that’s all the firsts without her done now, so we are just making the most of the memories we have left xx
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@Lisa_L51 It must be soo hard for to to have faced all your 1st without your beloved mum. Today is my 1st birthday without my mum or dad, I’ve had a 1st for my dad (his birthday ) but I’m feeling the pain today. Your dad keeps his emotions inside but it’s good that you’s can talk about her all the time
Hi Lisa, good to hear from you! I’m glad you’re doing ok and that you got through the “anniversary”.
Its my 1st anniversary on Wednesday, but the build up to it has already started as there are so many difficult memories on the days leading up to it. It struck me that whilst I’ll be grieving she will probably celebrating the date because for her it was a release from her suffering and a reunion with my Dad. It feels like we’re on two different paths now and thats really hard to deal with 
I read a quote about dont let yourself be defined by what you have lost, but by what you do with whats left - I understand it in my head but the heart just cant deal with it yet when there is still so much pain inside.
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