I don’t know if counselling is for me but i will give it a go. Luckily i have a partner i can talk to anything about, I’m sorry you don’t have that support it must be really hard to go through this with no-one to turn to 
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They say time is a great healer. It doesn’t feel like it, as time goes by the pain gets harder. It’s 14 months since my mom died and the pain of losing her is so intense. I relive every moment every day. I miss her so much. I am spinning so many plates at the moment with holding down a job, looking after my dad, supporting our daughter who can’t find a job. My head is all over the place an so heavy. I can’t think straight, I feel so in the edge of breaking.
I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
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Hi Becca_d
I feel for you, been nearly 14 months since losing my best friend mom. I am finding it just as hard as first year. Don’t think I will ever get over losing her. Got so much that I want to tell her like I always did every day.
Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Take each day as it comes. Here for you. Sending hugs
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Hi all, how is everyone? It’s been a while. Life has been full on. My dad had a hip replacement on 22nd November so I have been looking after him. I feel so burnt out, feel sad. Just feel like life as I know it is over. I feel resentful of my brother as he can get on with his life, he doesn’t live by me or dad. I miss my mom so much. It still feels unreal.
Hi Becca good to hear from you. I hope your Dads hip replacement went well and that he makes a good recovery. Ive been going through the difficult task of having to put Mums house on the market and we accepted an offer yesterday, which is just heart rending for me as Im still living here. Are you still receiving bereavement counselling to support you at this difficult time? Hows your job going at the school?
Hi @Ally6, I can’t imagine what it must be like to sell the house. I hope things go a smoothly as they can. Do you need to find somewhere to live?
My dad is doing ok. Just a lot to cope with juggling life and work. I don’t have bereavement counselling anymore but do have my private therapist. Work is meh, but I think I am just exhausted.
Its hard isnt it keeping going day after day, when we’re still carrying that grief with us. Im sure your Dad is really grateful that youve been taking good care of him. 
No i wont need to find somewhere to live, i have a house but have been unable to face moving back there as it holds no memories of mum. So packing up her things, selling the furniture, its like losing even more of her all over again. 
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It’s been 7 month since i lost my dad and 5 months sine i lost my mum some days are better than others. Have just found out my youngest daughter is 12 weeks pregnant and the 1st thing i would do is phone my mum to tell her and it was heartbreaking not being able to do that
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So hard to have those losses so close together. It’s still early days for you.
It’s lovely that your daughter is having a baby, but I get that it is bitter sweet. I hope that you will find comfort in it at some point. X
So it feels like it’s been a good few months since I lasted posted and it’s been up and down for me I’ve had a few episodes where I have let the tears flow when I look at my mum’s picture, it’s coming up to our 2nd Christmas without her and I’m really beginning to feel overwhelmed I’m not prepared at all this year like I was last year because last year I was on auto pilot this year I’m in pain with the discs in my back and not able to do anything and it’s getting me down I havnt put my tree up as my mum used to help me before she got sick now I don’t know how I’ve managed to get through the past year it’s been quite a rollercoaster looking after my girls looking after my dad but still trying to make time for myself through it all, so this time next week it will all be over for another year, I hope you all manage to get through the day how ever you celebrate it x
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Hi @Lisa_L51, it’s been a while for me too. I don’t know how I feel yet about Christmas. 2nd one without my mom. I have been so busy with work and looking after my dad that i haven’t had time to think about it.
My dad had a hip replacement 4 weeks ago, so it has been stressful. I am trying to get back to doing some self care. I don’t feel ready for Christmas at all. Still got presents to buy.
I hope you get the festive season. Here for you.
Hi Lisa & Becca,
I lost my dad 14 years ago (yesterday was his anniversary) & mum’s 5 month anniversary will be on Christmas Eve.
I’m envious of you both as you both still have your dads. Please feel lucky for that whilst mourning your wonderful mums. It’s so painful to have no living parent.
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I lost my biological dad when I was 17 I’m 52 now but the man who I call dad gave me everything that a dad would since the age of 8 he’s 92 and I have seen a decline since my mum passed away his mobility is not great after having 2 hip replacements 20 years ago and both failed and hosp was too late repairing them, he can still do a few things for himself but hes practically house bound I’ve had to get a wheelchair for him to take him to appointments as he can’t really walk far,so yes I’m lucky in a way but I need my mum badly as my heart is broken in 2 x
Oh I know you’re broken hun. It’s so hard & I have no wisdom about how to get by. Grieving is so so painful & exhausting.
How is your dad coping with the loss of your mum?
We sat and watched a film tonight, I closed my eyes for a second and my head went straight back to the moment my mom
Died. I just wanted it to be a dream.
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Hugs to you Becca This year i put the christmas tree up purely so mum can see it one last time before it goes to a charity shop (her final christmas she was too ill to leave the bedroom so we never put it up, just had a small one in her room). But because the tree belongs to a time when Mum was around its doing funny things to my head - i keep thinking ive jumped back in time 5 years and she’s just going to walk into the lounge. Such a difficult time of year - im finding christmas this year feels more painful than last year, because i was still numb last year (her ashes had only been interred mid December)
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Becca, I still have moments when i go back in time to the hospital and when mom passed. Life isnt the same anymore without her. Came across a gift bag this evening with moms writing which upset me. Its so hard
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Hi @Ally6 Christmas evokes so many memories. I am feeling nothing right now which I am finding odd. Just take things one step at a time, one day at a time and just do your best everyday. Don’t put pressure on yourself xxx
Im surprised (but not surprised) by the lack of any contact from some friends in the run up to christmas. One has told me "i didnt know what to say, i assumed you wouldnt be celebrating " so im guessing the others have thought the same. Theyre right i wont be celebrating but it would be nice to be asked how i was and what I’ll be doing! Im starting to feel like i have a contagious disease! 
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