Thinking of you all today 
currently sat in Mums room cuddling her dressing gown, with a rotten headache. Been reading my journal entries for Christmasses past . Just me and my brother today, no Christmas dinner and minimal gifts. Goodness knows what we’re going to do all afternoon!
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Happy Xmas to you all hurting today . It’s a tough one . I’ve just been up to my nannas grave as that’s where we are gonna our mums ashes also . That was hard but I spoke . Going my sisters shortly I don’t wanna spoil it as I know she’s hurting but I just don’t feel any joy and everyone is telling “ be strong “ what is that ? I want to be with my mum today of all days 
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Woke up and started crying. Can’t stop. He should be here. I need him here.
to everyone.
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Awww ulma so sorry . Thinking of you all . I’ve got a lot of anger inside me today and my sister as just told me she’s set a place for mum with a drink and everything . The minute I get in her house it will break my heart seeing that and I’ve told her it will
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Yes love to you all, thinking of you all. I’m trying to put on a brave face but missing Dad so much.
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Oh no, that will be difficult. I guess she feels better for doing it, but it’s something she should have discussed with you.
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Venting a bit. I hate how people expect you to be as usual and care about things as usual. I can’t. I’m not the same and I will never be, part of me is gone. You’d think friends would understand that, but no. Frustrating.
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Just done my ironing out of desperation of something to do. Feels so very quiet and empty here. There are only so many cups of tea i can drink. I know some of you who are having to face family festivities might say it sounds like bliss, but time is crawling past soooo slowly.
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I’m alone today and it feels like time doesn’t move at all. Can’t seem to get myself to do anything, though, which doesn’t help.
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How are you all doing? Brother has jjust gone so now im alone with my thoughts. Cant believe its STILL only 7pm. At this rate i may have to go to bed at 8pm just to make it stop.
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I just got home from Mum’s and burst into tears. We miss Dad so much and I found some of his voicemails which I’ve saved how is everyone else?
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My heart is aching for my mom. I am sat in my kitchen sobbing. Today has just felt empty.
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The pain keeps coming in waves - now im on my own it feels liked im being sliced right down the middle and i dont know what to do with myself. My closest friends havent even messaged to see if im ok today, or that theyre thinking of me 
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Christmas, life is never ever going to be the same again. The pain is unbearable.
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I know what you mean mate my closest mates I thought would care today but not a word off one of them . I know they have their own families and lives but I know I would be there the other way around
Today I’ve cried literally And the moment I walked into my sisters and seen my mums place sat and a baileys I just sobbed like a baby which I was uncomfortable with
Thinking of you all x
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It’s been a weird day today cried myself to sleep last night got to sleep about 3 am my 12 year old woke me at 6.30 to open presents she was so excited I just cried went around to my mum’s to see dad at 12.30 he opened his special presents I had made and I could see the tears of love, I had a throw made for his bed of pictures of him and mum on he loved it hence the tears, then I was straight into the kitchen to finish the dinner I could hear her saying to me thanks Lisa you’ve done good today, I set a place for her at the table and we made a toast Im staying over tonight so dad isn’t by himself I’m so glad today is over xx
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Everything has felt empty and colourless here too. At least the day is over soon, but I’m on the verge of crying again, so I guess there will be another round of that.
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My dad has just gone home. He was really emotional when he left our house. I can’t stop crying. I miss my mom so much it just hurts so bad. I cried myself to sleep yesterday.
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You’ve all done so well, getting through the day 
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