It feels like the day she died all over again. The mental wounds are hurting. I am so very very sad.
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How did the day go for you? I hope it was ok. 
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Big hug.
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We thankfully have all got through the day. It has been so hard for us all today. So I think we deserve patting ourselves on the back for surviving the day! This is my first Christmas without mum, so I feel I have accomplished something.
i know everyone’s experience of grief and every loss is different but I think there will be a time when we learn to live with the loss! I lost my dad 24 years ago and I never ever thought I would get through it. I really hope for us all that we are all at some stage able to do this.
Much love to you all
xxx
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Thank you Ulma,
It has been a mixture of cherishing those still here and of course missing my dad. My mum bought me a lovely Christmas card, in which she wrote “Thank you for everything.”, which means a lot to me.
She also said to me, “It’s just Monday today.” and she is right. We had a Monday with turkey and a few gifts.
Then in the afternoon we went to my sister’s, but it was hard to settle. There was lots of noise and excitement from my nephews.
As always, my cat has provided us with lots of distraction 
.
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Did you manage to get out for a walk, Ulma? This time of year can feel so dark, and getting outside can help. It’s supposed to be a bit sunny tomorrow in some parts of the UK.
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Glad you had good moments during the day together with your mum and the rest of the family!
Cats have a tendency to do that. 
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I did, a short walk. In the dark. But that was fine, less people around!
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That was my mum’s preference too, to begin with. My dad was really involved with all of their neighbours, and my mum wanted to avoid being asked if she was OK.
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I can understand that! Having to explain over and over again just makes it more painful.
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Yes becca im thinking the exact same . It’s like I’ve just been told all over again … I’m doing my best but it’s absolutely ripping me apart . I’m
Just lost watching nothing on the tv talking to no one bar here . I’m just empty so so empty
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@Braddy2905 me too. I am so tired I should got to bed. But then I have to wake up to it all again tomorrow. I am broken, I don’t know how to ever come to terms with my mom not being here. I am just lost and empty without her. My eyes are so sore from crying.
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I know believe me I feel your pain I really do and feel the same . I know how life works but I have her ashes in the spare room . I can’t get my head around all her amazing life and that’s what I now have . My god it hurts so much it really does . I promised I’d never leave her . You know I’m not gonna feel any different next week next month but we are meant to carry on
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Mine too. And I get hoarse from crying so loudly. 
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It also upsets me knowing you’re all hurting as much as me I so wish your lives were different . I am deeply sorry x
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@Braddy2905 i feel the same. The hurt is never going to go. My mom’s ashes are in her craft room which was my bedroom when I lived at home. I just look at them and can’t believe that is all I have. I know I have memories etc etc. but I want her, I just want to feel her warmth and her love. My dad is broken. U don’t know how to carry on.
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I hate talking like this and thinking like this so please excuse me I’m sorry I really am but I thought for one minute I could go and be with her tomorrow I would but we don’t do we . I’m sorry I love my mum so much and she’s gone
Forever ; now I’m seeing ghost on tv ,
One of the only films alongside bodyguard I seen her cry to 
x
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Hi Braddy,
Please don’t apologise bec many people on here including myself have felt the way you do.
But I know my mum would be so cross well livid actually if she heard me saying such a thing. I can just see her now rolling her eyes and giving me such a lecture. She was 89 and old school stuff upper lip who was a survivor in life and always said life was precious.
So make a plan to help you get through each day Don’t plan more than for the next day. Break the day into two.Morning and afternoon and write down a list of things to do for the morning and afternoon.Small steps. Even making a cuppa was one thing on my list as I couldn’t function at all. Getting out of bed was another. Gradually and I mean gradually the gut wrenching pain will start to ease.
I gained so much support from this site for please carry on posting.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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I feel utterly wrecked today. But I have to sort out the house as my brother & sister in law are coming this afternoon with his in laws. Were then going out for a meal. On so many levels I don’t want to do this. I wish my bother was coming but without his in laws. I wanted us to spend time as a family, his in laws drive me mad. Then the meal is going to cost us about £150, we can’t afford that either.
I feel sick, my eyes hurt. I just want to stay in my pj’s.
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That what I felt like in the beginning when mum first found out then when she went in hospital I relived every day why she was in when people asked how’s your mum I’d have to go over the same answer constantly, the same when my mum died and people who didn’t know asked in the end I was emotionally and physically exhausted that I just couldn’t talk and they would know by the look in my eyes, my dad got a phonecall from a friend of my mum’s yesterday they grew up together in the children’s home, they only got InTouch at Christmas I didn’t have contact details for her so couldn’t tell her when mum passed, she asked to speak to my mum and my dad had to tell her she’d passed away in October it must of been very upsetting for him to do that as I’ve protected him from having to tell people about mum, I felt a bit guilty that I didn’t try harder to contact her, there are still some people who don’t know that I only see now and again in passing and I know one day I’ll bump into them at the shops or somewhere and I will need to tell them x
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