I hadn’t thought about it that way. 
It is. Yes, I’m going to meet someone next week and am on a waiting list for a grief group. Not sure if it will help either, but the anger is tearing me apart, so I have to try something.
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It’s hard to know what it going to work to help us. I haven’t had my counselling for 3 weeks and I really miss it. I don’t want to go to bed as what’s the point. Just wake up to all of this tomorrow.
I don’t know what I thought grief would feel like, it is just so so hard. The heavy empty feeling is suffocating 
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Im the same struggling to know how to cope with the pain on my own when it hits. I did try phoning a friend christmas day but when youre so very upset its really hard to be sobbing down the phone and the other person is desperately not knowing what to do/say! I think what i want in those times is someone there to simply put their arms round me and hold me thru the pain - no words needed. You cant really get that via a phone call! I guess thats where fur babies would be good.
Ive been accepted onto a grief group starting mid Jan but its only once a fortnight so im not sure how helpful it will be. I totally agree with your feelings re 2024 approaching- it makes me sad that its a year my Mum wont get to see so it widens the distance between us, normally she’d be busy writing all our birthdays on her new calendar.
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Not to mention friends have their own lives and it often feels like you’re intruding. 
I have a furry friend, but she can’t hug me and she doesn’t like it when I cry, I imagine I sound weird. Feel free to PM me when it’s bad, Ally. I can’t hug you in person either, but I know how it is trying to cope when it hits and you’re on your own.
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Thank you Ulma 
Feel like i need to keep someone on standby in the wardrobe for when required, but pretty sure id get arrested 
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Yes, me too! But you’re right, we’d be arrested. Could be worth it, though.
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I haven’t read it. It will be interesting to hear what you think!
I wanted to stay at my dad’s New Year’s Eve, but he said he is ok. I nearly cried. We are going round though and having a buffet tea. The thought it would be nice to do something at his house. I am just feeling so sad.
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I havnt read it you’ll have to let us know what it was like x
How is everyone doing today ? Another day stuck it ignoring calls , I don’t want to leave the house I just don’t at the moment
What are all your thoughts on heaven ? We have never been a massive god loving family but we all believe there is some sort of After life I know that from family conversations. It pains me say and it breaks my heart but I know my mums gone to the other side and I won’t see her again until the day I join her
Just do you really believe they watch us ? Occasionally ? All the time I don’t get it . Can they hear us . I just hope and pray both my parents are pain free and in a beautiful place back together x
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@Braddy2905 i am really struggling. I wanted to stay in today but my husband said I should go out. I did, but I am exhausted now.
I am a Christian so believe in heaven, I know my mom wasn’t scared when she died, she knew where she was going. I have faith, but I am hurting so much. I want her here with me and not in heaven. I feel selfish for thinking that as I know she isn’t suffering. But I am suffering and I need her here with me.
I have to go to my sister in laws tomorrow and I really can’t be bothered. But hey ho.
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Struggling a lot this week feeling that i dont know how to handle the intense pain/sadness. I think part of me is still waiting for Mum to come back. At some point im also going to have to start job hunting but my confidence is at an all time low.
With regards afterlife, i was a Christian so used to believe in Heaven, but its no longer my belief. Which is hard because if i believed Mum and Dad were now reunited, or that Id see them again, it would give a crumb of comfort. Mum firmly believed she would be reunited with Dad - so my HOPE is that its true, but my belief is that they’re just gone. The only consolation/comfort i have is that shes no longer suffering.
However, regardless of not believing in afterlife, i STILL talk to Mum as if shes watching over me - that just brings my brain comfort whilst its still trying to adjust to a world without Mum in it.
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I totally get that becca … I’m selfish to and I don’t her in heaven I want her with me she loved us being together and she would regularly say even more so as the dementia “ I just wanna be with you “ and we always were . I do miss her so much and as desperately as I miss her love her and want her here . I do take a little comfort in believing she is no longer suffering that cruel disease and is pain free . With my dad is my hope and I know I will see them both again x
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@Braddy2905 I know I should be thankful that she is not in pain etc. But the pain of her not being here is so intense at the moment. I know I should be grateful that me, my dad and my brother got to spend so much time with her in her final 3 days. But it was such a shock when we found out what was wrong. We trusted the Dr’s & they kept talking about getting her home. But there was never any hope of that. I feel so alone without her. My heart is truly broken
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I know . Because you like me didn’t expect to lose her at the time you did . I still don’t have a cause of death and I won’t for months yet and I hate it . I still come back to me leaving her for the first time in two years for 2 nights and to get that call when I was returning home. How do I live with that ? She clearly wasn’t at risk when I left or I wouldn’t have gone and left my brother and niece taking her care .
What happened those 2 days I have no answers and it breaks my heart that she might still be here if I didn’t leave her x
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@Braddy2905 i am so sorry. That is so hard for you. It must be hard to have to wait so long to find out what happened.
If my mom hadn’t gad the CT scan the night before we would never have known. I am thankful for that. But what i don’t understand is how on earth no one worked out she had terminal cancer. She was in hospital for 12 days.
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Not too good. Fallen down the what’s the point hole.
I do believe there’s something more, what that might be… I have no idea. But there’s so much we humans don’t know and possibilities we might not even be able to imagine. Watching us, maybe? I’m not certain how it would work, but I don’t rule it out. And I hope so, though right now they would both be distraught to see me like this.
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You and me both with the job hunting. But dealing with that now would be overwhelming. Going to interviews, having to prove you’re a good employee. No way, considering how I’m feeling.
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