Sorry that no one’s had a great day I’ve not done too bad to be honest I slept right through till 7.30 can’t believe I slept through I’ve been out today to the shops I call it retail therapy then made a curry at my dad’s he said my mum would be so proud of me what I’ve been doing since she had gone I could feel myself getting upset but I controlled it, I could say I’ve felt good today but my days have been so up and down so I’m just going to take one day at a time from here on in, I hope tomorrow brings a better day for everyone xx
5 Likes
@Lisa_L51 you sound like you have done well today. I think all we can do it put one foot in front of the other and take things one day at a time.
I did some retail therapy today which kind of helped. But the reality of it all has really hit hard.
2 Likes
I’ve just come to bed and I can’t stop crying. I miss my mom so much. Christmas had made all this feel so real and I am relieving the pain of losing her all over again. I need to feel her love again. Nothing can replace her. My son isn’t around much as he is working so we haven’t been able to have quality family time other than Christmas Day and I am finding that hard. He is going to see his girlfriend for new year so we won’t be together then either.
I hate this pain, I don’t want people to ask me if I had a nice Christmas. Because I haven’t it had been so unbearable and sad. 
2 Likes
It’s good Lucy one step at a time . I think we all trying to find that and none of us think it’s going to be easy and there is going to be many painful tearful heart ache along the way . I have no doubt talking to you all on here we will get there but in our own time and way . I know I don’t know any of you personally but you have all been a massive help to me over the past month- 2 months and your all a credit to your parents and I’m sure they are massively proud of you all x
4 Likes
Big hugs to you @Becca_d - im sitting here crying too. You’re right, nothing will ever replace our mums/dads. So I guess we just have to find different ways of feeling close to our loved ones so we can feel that love again, without the grief overpowering and overshadowing it. 
2 Likes
I am glad we can talk to each other and help each other even virtually so to speak.
The grief is overwhelming and suffocating. I think I have been holding back with how u feel and it is all flooding out. I talked to my mom everyday, we messaged all the time we shared so many interests and I feel so lost, alone and empty. Greig makes me feel physically sick. I don’t know how to find the new way of life now.
3 Likes
I’ve just been laying on my mums bed sobbing and picturing her shuffling down the landing with her walking frame , she only needed one prior to passing away as she broke her femur in a fall
I can see her now her little smile and …
I am struggling to understand my brother who helped with mum a lot but he’s not mentioned her since the funeral or showed any emotion . Is it his way or has just moved on . My heads thinking alsorts again x
4 Likes
Yeah retail therapy lasts at the time untill reality kicks in again it’s never ending been awake since 2.30am so my unbroken sleep never lasted long and I’ve been sitting here going over the last few days then thinking about what’s going to happen after new year, my sister will probably message me when she’s next off work to go through mum’s stuff and I can’t do that with her I want to do it by myself I’ll go through her stuff in my own time not hers it’s my mum’s bedroom not hers, my mum was a very private person but not with me and I know she wouldn’t want my sister going through her stuff right now like she’s removing every reminder of her she has no right she doesn’t live in the house my dad does she just wade’s in with no thought for anyone else’s. I want to do it in my own time when I’m ready.
2 Likes
It’s like floating in a big, dark sea without a lifebuoy. 
But I am glad we’re all talking too. I would be in an even worse place now otherwise, as I can’t really speak to anyone else about my grief.
4 Likes
I have the same feeling when my brother goes through dad’s stuff. I kind of want to hide everything away and protect it. Weird.
2 Likes
It could be that he pushes the feelings away because he doesn’t want to deal with them. You know him best, how does he usually handle emotional situations?
1 Like
He isn’t the most open person it’s hard to get a conversation out of him at the best of times , maybe you’re right .
But yes I’ve had my sister here also going over Xmas I will help you sort stuff out … because I had mum live with me the past 3 years a lot around the house is mums . I don’t want to get rid any of it … there are some things I will put away in my own time because mum was flowers/ plant mad and not really for me but 90% of stuff I won’t want touching it’s my mums and I want it here as far as I’m concerned it’s still mums house . God I hate talking about her in past tense . I love her so much I really do x
3 Likes
It’s not that I want to hide everything away it just doesn’t need doing yet she can wait till I’m ready and just cos she’s the oldest doesn’t mean she makes the decision all the time and my brother is not bothered as he is dealing with a lot of stuff himself. I woken up today not great I’ve already sobbed to myself I’ve not had much sleep and think the nightmare I had this morning before I woke made it worse it took me right back to mum going into hospital why have I started having them again.
2 Likes
You do it in your own time it doesn’t have to be done right away but it may help with recovery if things you wanted to keep you put in a box to keep safe, I think that’s what I’m going to do before my sister gets stuck in like she did straight after she died.
Im dreading the whole sorting mums things out - i still havent felt ready to return to my house so still staying at mums surrounded by her things. Im worried that come the new year my eldest brother is going to push to get things sorted and sell the house. His relationship with mum was very different- he loved her for sure but never got involved in caring for her and would visit for a couple of hours every fortnight. So in his eyes its time to “move on”. Im praying probate takes forever so i dont feel pressured to rush.
Just spent AGES getting Mums oven and hob all shiny as she was SO good at keeping it sparkly and ive let it go somewhat. But now i just want to show her what a good job ive done! 
4 Likes
We can never “move on”, only “carry on”.
4 Likes
Yeah, you tell my brother that! 
1 Like
Siblings, eh. 
I popped in on my sister this afternoon, to ask her to help out, but she’s still stewing over my mum’s shyness. Apparently my mum being shy has damaged my sister’s life irreparably.
1 Like
Huh? How? 