Ive also found my cousin is a good person to open up to - she had a similar relationship with her mum as i did and her mum passed away a couple of years ago so she understands just how dark it can feel.
I can understand with all those family and work colleagues dying in recent years it must seem scarey Becca, but if you let the fear of you/loved ones dying win the day, then it shifts your focus to an unknown point in the future and away from the life thats waiting to be lived right now. (I struggled with that for years - mum had health issues from when i was aged 7 so i spent SO much time worrying when and how i would lose her.) I know theres not much joy for any of us right now, but i think experiencing a loss wakes you up to just how precious and unpredictable life is. None of us know how long we have so whilst one part of me just sees no reason to carry on right now, the other part of me doesnt want to look back and see that i spent the rest of my life in a dark hole, not LIVING. Its a real conflict in my mind.
I have cried so much this week, I feel like it had all become real and I have to process this grief now. I feel like I have to re evaluate my life , but don’t feel like I can make big life decisions right now. I have some decisions to make about my job which kind of scare me, but I have to do it or I will have a breakdown.
A parent dying is life changing in a way i didn’t know was possible. I lost my best friend the day my mom died, she was my everything, my constant.
Sending you hugs Becca Ive got decisions to make regarding future career as well, but ive decided i need to just find something thats right for now, it could be a stopgap / stepping stone to something else when i feel stronger.
I was kind of ok today & I have come to bed and I am sobbing. I don’t get to see 2024 with my mom. Grief is just the most painful thing ever and there is no end to it.
Was about to go to bed and started sobbing too, just like that. I am glad you’re all here though, because I’m so tired of people thinking I should be over it.
I’m feeling guilty about not being in work although my colleagues say I’m not to go back untill I’m ready I feel they are talking about me when I’m not their judging me saying I need to get over it, I know they are struggling with staff shortage for the days I’m not there as other people are going to be off in January which then makes me feel worse for not being in, but I’m just not able to function yet I’m still struggling to come to terms with the loss of my mum that I’m not ready to face people asking me where I’ve been have I had a nice Christmas, havnt seen you here for a while etc, I bumped into a patient yesterday and she didn’t know she asked me how long I was off for Christmas I was telling her, choking back the tears that I’m on leave that my mum had died in October she said how sorry she was and not to be rushing back untill I was ready, i just felt as though I should let others know im not ok so that work knows im not ok and then maybe I won’t feel guilty about not being there, I just feel the rest of my family are moving on and im stuck trying to make sense of everything the trauma leading up to losing her, the actual loss of her and the trauma of never seeing her again is just so overwhelming x
@Lisa_L51 I can totally relate. My mom died at the end of August, so I was off for a week at the start of the school term. But I couldn’t totally switch off from work as no on does my job if I am not there. I went back after a week on reduced hours to find out I had a new line manager which sent me into a spin. I did not take enough time off & have never switched off from work. They have been unsupportive and unkind. I finally had a meeting with the head teacher on 15th Dec & he basically said that the year 11’s need their careers meetings do we need to get a 2nd careers advisor? I felt like I had let them down and wasn’t doing my job. They have no concept of true trauma I have been through despite me repeatedly telling my line manager that I wasn’t coping. If I was a teacher it would be different, they would bend over backwards. I feel so alone at work, no one has got my back.
So, please don’t go back until you are ready. No matter how long it takes. Don’t feel bad. X
My ex boyfriend messaged me today. He lost his dad in similar circumstances, 9 years ago, and he’s not over it. We will never be over it. Forgive other people’s ignorance: they don’t know until it happens to them.
Yeah I don’t think they are being ignorant and they have been supportive the girls are lovely that I work with the supervisor was just asking when I was back as she had to arrange cover as someone else has to take leave as well and is going to be off a while but I told her I’m just not ready so not likely I’ll be back ye untill anyone loses their mum/dad like we have how can anyone understand the pain it causes when it’s a parent, it’s a part of who you are as a person especially if your really close that’s all I can explain it as it’s a pain in my chest that won’t go away and no amount of people asking me am I ok is going to change anything I just want to be left alone just for sometime to grieve by myself but I can’t do that because I have my dad and my kids to look after so allways have to put a brave face on as they say.
Goodness, all those people who are going to send “happy new year” to everyone in their phonebook without thinking!
Im dreading the year ahead and all the change it will bring. So instead of “happy new year” this is what i wish for all of us in the year ahead:
-Courage to face the challenges ahead and to keep going when we just want to give up.
-Loved ones/friend who take time to LISTEN to and support us.
-A good nights sleep!
-That we feel the love and guidance of our loved one watching over us every step of the way
Feel free to add to the list! I would add more, but i just cant find the right words
Sorry I about to have a vent. I get on with my brother really well, but I am feeling resentful right now. He lives 45 mins away from us and my dad. So it’s all down to me with my dad. He has done nothing to support my dad or anything over this last week or so of Christmas. I had my dad round Christmas Day, which is ok as it’s what we always did. But then we have been round tonight with a buffet to keep him company, then my dad is coming for lunch tomorrow because I feel like I don’t want him to be alone on New Year’s Day. Then I’ll have to go round and take my dad’s decorations down this week as well as doing mine. My brother just doesn’t get it. They are coming over next Saturday when it’s all over.
I feel under so much pressure to be with my dad as I am sad he is on his own. My dad needs a new knee or hip, my brother is going to talk to him to tell him we have to do something as he can hardly walk. It worries me a lot, but I will have to sort dr’s appointments with my dad etc.
We are also the closest relative to my 92 year old mother in law. I feel we have no life. We can’t go away all the time or do loads of stuff as we can’t afford it.
Got back from my dad’s and my husband went and sat in a different room, so I have come to bed.
I have had a really emotional challenging day. I am so sad and don’t want to let go of 2023 as I let go of the year where my mom was alive
Can really feel your pain right now I’ve just had a cry after my partner phoned his mum and ended his call with love you, I so wish I could tell my mum I love her right now we are staying at my dad’s tonight, don’t want him to spend his 1st new year by himself I havnt heard from my brother or sister in a week, neither has my dad, his other grandkids havnt visited since the funeral in November but yano Ive gone past caring to be honest, they havnt once thought about him and how he’s doing or if he needs anything that’s fine as I’m doing everything just like I did for mum.
Ive got decisions to make regarding future career as well, but ive decided i need to just find something thats right for now, it could be a stopgap / stepping stone to something else when i feel stronger.
Goodness, all those people who are going to send “happy new year” to everyone in their phonebook without thinking!