Afternoon all
Hope you all had a good a new years as physically possible whatever that means
I haven’t been online for a few days I took myself away from online media it was just to much , all the new year happiness around .
I still don’t see any positive signs , the pain doesn’t change because a date has .
Totally heartbroken as the day mum passed away . I’ve gone back to hearing barely a thing from my sisters / brothers just as my mum use to complain I don’t get how easy they just go back to their old life’s
It devastates me I can’t go 5 minutes without thinking of my poor mum and how she wasn’t ready
Thinking of you all x
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@Ally6 thank you, that’s great advice. This is what woke should be helping me with. I do a mixture of admin & seeing kids. It’s the seeing kids I am struggling with as my brain is full and I just can’t advise them properly. I work across 2 high schools in the trust and they are very different. I am being expected to do more and more and there are only so many hours in the day. I can’t believe we have got through a whole term and I have had zero support with my work. So things have to change. But they will change on my terms.
@Braddy2905 I know how you feel, my head is full of my mom 24/7 it’s exhausting. I just can’t believe she isn’t here with us in 2024. She was taken too soon. Sending hugs
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My head is all over the place. I have this massive empty ones and void. This might sound stupid, all of socials people are announcing their pregnancies etc etc. I am not sucked into this Insta vs reality stuff. But I just can’t get away from people having babies. The hope of new life, while I feel like my hope died with my mom. I have 2 kids 23 & 22. They don’t really need me as much. I would have loved more kids, but couldn’t afford it. Now I wish so much we’d had more kids so that I could have a big family around me. I had to have a hysterectomy 2 1:2 years ago. It makes me feel sad right now that there will be no more kids for me. I am 48 now, I guess I just long for some hope. My family is getting smaller and it makes me sad 
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I’ve had a meltdown today as youngest daughter was being so horrible to me, she doesn’t understand that what she says hurts and that I’m trying to deal with life changing events to me that the person I loved died my mum not hers as I’m still here and maybe I shouldn’t be.
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@Lisa_L51 i am so sorry. It’s so hard to look after family members when you are grieving. They don’t see how much you are hurting because we just have to carry on being a mom.
Do your kids know how sad you are about your mom? Have they had any support to deal with their grief too?
Sending massive hugs to you.
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We are still waiting for counselling waiting time was 10-14 weeks unless I paid and just don’t have that money, love my girls to bits but I can’t function as a mum right now and their dad doesn’t give me the support he just shouts at them and I just don’t have the energy anymore my mum’s death has taken everything from me that I feel like I’m back right where I was 10 weeks ago any progress I was making has gone and I’m back in that deep dark hole again and I hate my self because they are my kids.
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@Lisa_L51 i am so sorry. I wish I could help you. I hope the counselling starts soon. The system is so broken and we need counselling straight away, not in 3 months. My daughter has been fortunate at only waited 6 weeks or so and has been given 6 sessions at our GP practise with a counsellor. Pay for mine, but I have been having counselling for 3 1/2 years. I wish I could afford to have it every week at the moment.
Here to talk anytime you need it. I feel so tired and dreading going back to work next week.
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GP failed to tell me I had to arrange my own counselling he said he was referring me I waited 4 weeks and hadn’t heard anything so rang him back to be told he sent me a number to ring I never got it so had wasted 4 weeks when I rang the number I was given the women was lovely she was apologising about how the doctor had treated me then she apologised for our system how it’s too long a wait for some people I basically said was the GP going to wait for me to harm myself before I was given the support she was so sorry we had a lovely chat and she said I could ring her anytime I blame the doctors they are not doing enough to help people who really need the support. I’m supposed to be back at work on the 8th but how can I go back now when I feel like I’m right back where I started so I’m going to have to be signed off again.
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Sending hugs! I’m so sorry you’re struggling and that your partner isn’t more understanding. 
Have you looked into online grief support? Not sure, but maybe it’s not as expensive? I looked around a bit and found this: One to One Grief Support | Cruse Bereavement Support
Also, Sue Ryder has support:
I don’t have kids, but right now I rather wish I did. My family is just getting smaller and smaller, even the extended one, aunts and uncles. It feels incredibly lonely, so I can relate to searching for a sense of hope. 
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@Lisa_L51 sorry you have been let down by your GP. I can relate. My mom’s GP practise was useless and unhelpful. Can you speak to a different GP to tell them exactly how you feel?
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Of course you need help now, not weeks away! The system really doesn’t work. You have to be well to handle everything and fight to get help when you’re ill. It’s next to impossible to find the energy to do that.
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Hi! I’ve been a mess since Christmas really and New Year broke me again, so no positive progress here either, I’m afraid. I burst into tears more than before too, several times a day.
Very sorry to hear your siblings have disappeared on you. I don’t know why it’s so often like that, one child who takes on all the responsibility (not saying it’s bad, I wouldn’t trade my time with dad for anything). It’s sad, though.
Hugs!
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Our family doctors is useless had to fight to get a home visit to my mum he wanted to do a phone triage first told him he had a duty of care to his patients especially the ones who are dying it was his partner years ago that misdiagnosed my mum 26 years ago but she didn’t tell us until she found out 12 months later and was rushed into surgery with tumors in her bladder she blamed him but I blamed her because she never fought for a 2nd opinion I’d of sued him for his mistake but she never and when ever I brought it up she fobbed me off. I’m going to phone up the counselling line tomorrow and see how much longer I have to wait as I can’t go on like this anymore, I decided not to take the antidepressants because of all the side effects so just took the ones for anxiety only problem is I’ve gone back to waking up at 1 and 2 am and not getting back to sleep till about 5am.
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I know how you’re feeling and I’m so sorry you are . Yes I’ve been very emotional again today also . I just keep going back to the idea of not seeing her again scuttling along with her walking frame or calling me . I think the common theme on here is we have all lost our mother / fathers before we felt their time
I’m dreading now also the reality of having to start looking for a headstone and all this soon as we are putting mum and dads ashes in with her mum . I’m dreading having to do that as well in the coming weeks because they deserve a place of rest asap . Heartbreaking to talk like this x
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I don’t want to scatter my mom’s ashes, because then she will be gone forever. My mom was definitely taken too soon. I am dreading all the ‘did you have a nice Christmas’ talk at work next week. Do they really want to hear about my Christmas? It was very sad and empty and I cried uncontrollably.
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I know what you mean becca and the idea of it breaks my heart but I also think they deserve than to be low-fat in a room and putting them into nans grave I will always have somewhere to go and sit and talk to them and visit . I’m also having their ashes put into a ring so I will hold them close forever . Isn’t it heartbreaking we are talking about the most important people in our lives like this x
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@Braddy2905 i had a pendant made with some of my mom’s ashes, so I can hold her close. We are planning to plant a rose each and put some ashes in with that. I guess I am just not ready to let go. I keep thinking what else can I have made with her ashes. I just want to hold her close to me all the time. I miss her so much. I just want to hold her hand again. 
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That’s lovely and the rose idea is also . I know none of want to do such a thing but we owe them that much don’t we . Yes I’ve seen the ring I want and I can get both my mums and dads ashes out in together : that will never leave me finger and they will always be with me , they will anyway but I’m sure you get me .
Awww me to becca mum would always ask me
To hold her hand even on the sofa or at the shops and I would always , what I would do to feel that again
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I am so tired today. This festive period has been emotionally exhausting and now I have to pack all the stuff away.
I don’t understand why this had to happen to my mom, why her? Why us? She had so much to live for, it doesn’t make sense. I need her, I need to feel connected to her. All I want to do is look at pictures and talk about my mom all day. I just feel like I can’t do this, I can’t live everyday without her. I just feel so far away from her. I am seeing my dad tomorrow and putting all his Christmas stuff away. How does life keep turning without my beautiful mom in it
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