All those memories keep popping up, just little things, but so precious. 
I hate thinking and talking about them like that, headstones and ashes. It’s wrong, so wrong. 
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We have scattered mums ashes sister was in a rush to have it done before Christmas she said it’s just prolonging everything.i kept half back to put with half of my dads and I’m taking the abroad when the time comes that was their request just me and my kids, I gave a token to each of us, I’m keeping mine, I got matching pendants on a chain for me and my daughters and put ashes inside them, I’ve gave them Christmas day so she is close by, me and dad got a plaque made for the remembrance garden and I bought a few ornaments so I will pay another visit soon.
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@Lisa_L51 it is hard when other people seem to be moving on. I guess we all deal with things differently. My brother and I are dealing with things differently, or so I think. He doesn’t talk about it all. I guess he may do with his wife.
I feel like grief is a silent scream inside me.
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Yeah those people moving on though need to be mindfull of the ones who are struggling like myself and others on here we are the ones left behind.x I’m going out today don’t really want to but daughter’s are moaning I never take them anywhere when they are off not the fact I’m grieving and their dad was off 2 weeks over Christmas he could of took them out why is it allways left to the mum’s to sort, so they want to go shopping to spend their Christmas money im not feeling together today so hoping they go easy on me.
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@Lisa_L51 i know how that feels. I took my daughter out last week, I just wanted to get home. But in some ways it did me good to get out of the house. Just take it a moment at a time, plan to have a nice drink somewhere so that you know you will have a break. Take care
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I couldn’t agree more Lucy and it’s also selfish and thoughtless of the family members I feel . I feel that especially as I had mum living with me and everywhere I look is mums items they just go home and don’t worry about that
I’m going to get out myself today for a bit also just shops but just to get out . I will be glad to get back work next week although will take mum out of my mind having another focus can only help . Hope it goes ok x
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I feel like moving out and in with my dad. I am sick of my family being lazy. Especially my kids. I have fallen out with my son, he just doesn’t act like a 23year old. I have to constantly ask him to do stuff. I am still packing away the Christmas stuff and taking it to the loft. This is my week off work to recharge and I am so exhausted and tearful. I have to go to my dad’s in a bit to pack his Christmas stuff away.
My husband annoyed me and compared something u had done to how my son is, totally different thing. So I shouted at him.
I ought go and live with my dad as living here is not good for my mental health.
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That doesn’t sound good. Have you talked to your husband about how frustrating it is? Maybe you could stay with your dad for a few days, if that would give you some respite?
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I have briefly talked to my husband today, it he is trying to work. I just want a break before I go back to work. The house is an absolute tip & I get no help. Just got back from my dad’s and taking a break. Then back to sorting our house out. I just don’t think anyone gets how I feel.
I just feel so lost and empty without my mom. Life is never going to be the same again.
I feel so sad, being with my dad just reminds me that he is on his own and my mom isn’t with him, her chair is empty, I have so much I want to tell her, & I know I can talk to her. But I don’t because she can’t answer me. My mom understood me, her love was unconditional and she loved my flaws. I just miss her so much. I feel like I just have to survive each day, I am not living. I am surviving.
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I went out to town centre it was bustling can’t do crowds at the moment we stopped for lunch then carried on got back to my dad’s at 4 kids couldn’t wait to show him what they had bought, I just couldn’t wait to get back I may sleep tonight I’m so tired.
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I know what you mean, Ulma - it’s no hardship, looking after my mum. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. I’m so sad that she’s lost my dad 
.
My brother complimented me the other day and said I’m doing an excellent job of looking after mum. I appreciate that. My brother is a good guy. He’s just not as, I suppose, worldly and capable and confident. So the stress of everything lands on me. But, that’s how it is.
How was today been, for you?
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@Lisa_L51 well done, I know how much it took for you to go out. Sounds like your girls had a great time. I hope you can rest tonight.
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Yeah they enjoyed it few cross words along the way, they got what they wantedjust waiting on their dad to finish work and collect us on his way past then home to put my PJ’s on and curl up on the sofa, very tired now all this grief is exhausting
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I know what you mean with the empty chair . I went into mums bedroom for the first time in days today is hasn’t been touched the day she was taken in . I just laid cried onto her pillow I would see her head rested in every day night then could smell her on her jumper . The grief is something and I know grief my dads passing but it’s so different she was my mum . She loved me the way I loved her and always had my back .
Your doing well getting through as well as being a mum and running a house be proud of yourself x
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Of course, her loss is immense. 
I’ve been curiously numb since last night. But I was a wreck over New Year, so maybe my body is trying to protect me for a while. I hope it doesn’t mean it gets worse afterwards, though.
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Hi Ulma, I’ve also felt numb for the last few days. I did read somewhere that our body does this to protect us during trauma. It’s unnerving though isn’t it? I don’t like suddenly not being able to cry.
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Yes, quite unnerving. It’s like the calm before a storm. I feel so tense, but no tears come. I wonder how long it will continue.
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I have just spent half an hour sobbing to my husband. Once I start the tears just don’t stop. I feel so lonely without my mom
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Yes, wondering how we will feel tomorrow, how long the numb feeling will continue. It’s really strange.
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