I just feel like I walk around in a daze all the time. People say your mom is with you always etc she’s looking down on you & all of that. But she isn’t here with us and it isn’t fair. I keep thinking about being at the hospital on the day she died and how horrific it was for her and us. I have to live with that trauma forever.
3 Likes
Hugs! I kind of feel that the future is dragging me into it kicking and screaming. And the always with you doesn’t ease anything for me, because it’s still his physical presence I need. It’s like I’m the only one in the world who misses him too, with how my sibling acts and that hurts. Yes, I’m having a bad day. 
7 Likes
Seriously. Can’t I stop weeping just for a minute? My eyes sting. That’s what I get for being numb yesterday. 
4 Likes
You are right, the tears really flow after the numb feeling goes.
3 Likes
I get a headache as well when I have cried. I could cry 24/7 if I could. I love my dad and seeing him, but being with him just reminds me that my mom isn’t here with us. I wish I could feel some kind of connection with my mom if that makes sense. I just feel lost because she isn’t here.
4 Likes
Becca please feel free to ignore this if you dont think it would help, but ive practised meditation daily for the last 2 years, and during the last 2 months ive been doing some meditations specifically for bereavement. One of them involves firstly just settling yourself and focussing on your breathing. Then picturing your loved one somewhere you know they would be at ease (favourite armchair for example). Then for every in breath you imagine taking away any pain/discomfort from your loved one. And with your out breath, you send them whatever you would wish for them - peace, joy etc. And as you do it, you imagine them looking more at ease, more relaxed, smiling more etc. It can stimulate emotion which is fine but if it gets too much, you just focus back on your breathing with no picture of your loved one. For me ive found it helpful (but emotional) but ive already been practicing meditation for 2 years already - thats why im not sure how easy it would be starting from scratch. But you might find it worth trying in terms of trying to reestablish that connection? 
4 Likes
Ally6, please could you let me know where to find this meditation? I’d like to try it.
Hi @Isolde82 i use the Headspace app - as its new year they might have some free trials on offer? If you sign up let me know and ill help you find it as theres a LOT of content! They do also offer a lot of free content on youtube if you want to just check them out.
1 Like
Thank you so much,
Morning, how’s everyone today?
I feel yuk. I just want to go back to bed and hide under my duvet. But I have to do my coursework. I am 6 months behind now 
. I just want it all out of the way so I have one less thing to think about.
3 Likes
I cant think anything worse than trying to tackle coursework when your head is not in a good place. 
Maybe just set yourself a short goal - when i used to have to knuckle down to something i read you should set a timer for just 25 minute blocks (its called pomodoro technique). And a copious supply of biscuits always helped me!
3 Likes
It’s such hard work. I have been putting it off. I feel really sick today. I should have finished this qualification ages ago but covid, work not allowing me and surgery I had all put me behind. This is for works benefit, but I had to source funding for it as they are just miserable. The CEO would have signed it off. I also have to put my proposal together for work to make changes to my job. I have a meeting next Wednesday with the Head/HR. I will then send my proposal to the CEO as he needs to have the final say and I trust him more.
I shouldn’t be having to worry about work, they should have my back. But I have to accept they haven’t. I told the head before Christmas that I would be back properly in Jan, but that doesn’t mean I have stopped grieving.
2 Likes
Morning…i can fully understand your position as my granddaughter who we brought up and had such a strong bond with her “mam” is struggling so much with Uni not being able to concentrate missing so much coursework she feels she may have to deferred this term & start allover again in September…it can be such a testing time for work & education, as its not a physical thing you can see ,.the mental side of bereavement is very damaging and very hard to deal with
3 Likes
Sending hugs your way. Just try and tackle a tiny bit of something- read one chapter, write one paragraph. Just achieving one tiny step always makes me feel better than keep putting it off.
2 Likes
Not feeling it today feel a bit numb to be honest just wanna stay curled up on sofa but need to go have a cuppa with my dad kids are back at school Monday Dr is renewing my sick note for work the thought of going back next week was making me ill, I’m just not ready but don’t know how long I can keep putting it off, my life has changed dramatically I can’t just step back into my old life now, I’m not the same person I was, my grief had taken over everything I just want to be able to wake up one morning and feel normal is that ever even going to happen I feel very tearfull today. I am so tired just wish it would all go away.
3 Likes
If its any consolation thats exactly how most of us feel its never gonna be “getting over it” or feeling better its going to be a case of living with it and trying to make sense of it …that normal doesn’t come back we just look for a new normal is suppose
4 Likes
@Lisa_L51 i know how you feel. I don’t want to go back to work properly next week. I haven’t done my full hours since June 23! But I have no choice.
Like you, grief consumes me and I am not the same person and never will be. I find aspects of my job really hard right now. Which is why I am proposing some changes. I am not ready to make big life decisions right now.
Just take your time, don’t feel rushed. What is it you do again?
2 Likes
I can relate to how all of you are feeling. As usual I struggled to get up after a bad night’s sleep. It’s difficult to find joy in anything after losing loved ones. 
2 Likes
There is nothing I can change about my job I only work part, I work in a community pharmacy on the front counter so it’s not like I can disappear in the back it’s non stop all day and I know our patients are going to ask were I have been I’ve bumped into a few whilst I’ve been off and they asked that question, just feel like I’m just reliving the day over and over again now that the kids are going back to school and Christmas and new year over I just need this time now to start re-evaluating my life going forward so I have time for me, which I’ve never had for a long time and maybe I can get around what has happened and what I’ve been through and what I’m going through and what is to follow, I know the road ahead is not going to be an easy on I’m still going to have good and bad days I just hope it’s not the latter and I can start accepting now that my lovely mum has gone and is not coming back, I need to start making memories with my kids again.
3 Likes