Well done for getting through the night @Ally6 .
I have to think about the direction of my job and what I want to do basically. I will be sending over my proposal soon.
I feel in a bit of a clearer headspace at the moment which is good. I don’t feel suffocated. I think the time off I had has helped me even though I was in a dark pit for most of it.
Can’t wait to finish. My friend is coming over this evening and we are going through my mom’s GP notes. Not sure how that will make me feel.
I feel like an utter fraud with the way I feel. How can I go from being in a dark pit where I feel suffocated to this clearer calmer headspace? It’s like none of it ever happened.
Glad that you’ve made progress at work, Becca, and that you managed some sleep, Ally.
Mum and I are struggling without my dad 
Life is just so grey and such a struggle, now. But we’re supporting each other.
It’s sounds like you might be going through another stage of the grieving process there is about 5 in total they don’t go in any particular order as everyone is different I’m glad you feel calm today, I’ve been to town by myself today I went and got my memorial tattoo done today, had to get my emotions under control before I went in x
Dont feel guilty Becca for feeling calmer - i read somewhere the grief doesnt get any less but we get stronger in carrying it. And your mum would be happy to see you having some moments of calm - no mum wants to see their child suffering. It doesnt mean you miss her any less 
It really is a rollercoaster, with strange ups and unbearable downs. It can swing during a single day even so it’s hard to keep up or know how to feel about it.
Oh dear. My message was message 666. I’m writing another one here to get it to 667…
Hi Lucy
Love the tattoo you had done
I am looking into something myself in memory of mum and dad
Hope you have had a good day today x
Hey becca
Just wanted to say great news on the work front as least you are now getting the help and support you should have been getting anyway
Don’t feel a fraud with your feelings though I get it totally . Don’t get me wrong the hurt of losing mum it jjst as strong as she say she passed but I’ve found myself not as teary the last couple of days yet still have my moments
I feel wrong about this . X
Thankyou, I’m booking in to have another one done for my birthday to cover up another one I had done about 20 years ago, so not had a bad day really how was your day x
Hi Becca I’m glad you’ll now be getting the support you should of been getting as they say better late than never, don’t feel guilty about the emotions your going to have a lot of days were you are up and down I’ve been a bit the same last 2 weeks I was quite emotional last week cried a lot especially in the night when the others were in bed and I was by myself, this week has been ok I’ve felt a bit flat and numb to be honest only cried once do you think it coul be our brain trying to give our hearts a chance to try and heal a bit I just don’t know xx
Yes it’s been ok thanks . It’s weird don’t you think kinda getting back to normal , whatever that it x
I imagine it is . I don’t think for one minute any of us have changed in the way we are hurting still I guess like you say it’s your brain saying take a break . I don’t think we would possibly cry the way we have for the next 5 months as much as I’m sure there is going to many harder and more upsetting days . I had a few years earlier but they ain’t as frequent . Yet nothing has changed emotionally for me x
I’ve still yet to get by all the 1st I’ve done Christmas and New year, then it’s Mother’s day 2 days before my Birthday so we allways had a double celebration as I was actually a Motherday Baby back in 1972, then it will be her birthday come September the day before she went in hospital for the last time me then obviously 1st anniversary in the October I just need to tackle each one as it comes but think Motherday weekend is going to be a tough one as we allways celebrated together with my girls it’s actually making me feel a bit upset thinking about it, first time I’ve cried today it’s just hit me x
@Lisa_L51 that sounds quite logical that my brain is giving my heart a chance. It was so broken over the last few weeks. I will talk through it all with my counsellor tomorrow. I am also seeing my GP tomorrow.
I am pleased about work, they do want to consider my well being. I think the head teacher has talked to the Principal as he sounded like him with things he said. But that is a good thing.
My friend has been round tonight and we have been going through my mom’s medical records. It was good to start to make sense of them, I did feel emotional though. My mom was so very very sick and no one picked up on it.
Sleep well
I have had so many 1sts - out silver wedding anniversary was a month after my mom died, then my birthday a few days later. Then my daughter’s birthday. Then dad’s & then Christmas. It was all just so overwhelming. My friend did say that we shouldn’t say the first will be hard as it implies the next will be easier etc etc. maybe giving us an unrealistic expectation.
Some will be harder than others, they will all be different. Mother’s Day is the next thing for me & then what would have been my mom’s birthday.
Hi all, trying to come to terms with a life I did not want and wondering what to do, my mum died last year
I understand what your say just the thought of those special days coming and her not being here to spend the day together like we always did has literally just made me cry, I’m just so exhausted from not being ok to being ok to not being ok again, I’m going to try switch off now and get some sleep even if it’s just an hour, so I’ll say good night and take care x
I recognise what you are describing. I’m coming out of a period where my grief and sadness was so intense and now that is over it feels like it wasn’t real. It is weird how grief works.
Hospitals are not always the best places for the terminally ill, to be frank they do not always get the degree of palliative care needed and would be better looked after in a hospice, my mum wanted to pass away at home, and with the help of a local care firm and the district nurses I was able to provide her that last wish, but it broke my health as her principle carer and for the last 6 months of her 4 year dementia journey I got virtually no sleep, i know have depression, ptsd and hypertension, in addition to everything else I had to monitor her end of life care and see that the driven syringe was working properly(i have a degree in electronics, never thought I would be using it in that capacity)
