It is nice to feel calmer and in a bit more of a positive mind set. Feeling quite tired now as I have done loads today. But I am taking things one day at a time.
It’s like I have been through a massive trauma and now my body can breath. It feels strange, but I am just going with it.
Thankyou and I very much understand what you have said, what has gone has gone now we where not given any support from McMillan nurses and mum always said we were never to put her in a home or anything like that, she was happy at home surrounded by us all and it was only that she had that last fall we wouldn’t of known she had sepsis Dr gave her antibiotics for water infection and never once came out to see her kept asking me to get a water sample how am I supposed to do that from someone who is inconsistent district nurse was useless basically dropped of a kit for me to get a sample, the lack of care that cancer patients are offered is disgusting you get all these adverts about cancer care it’s all bullshit, they need someone to sit with them instead of being shoved in a private room we’re you can’t monitor them I would gladly of brought her home and feel guilty that I couldn’t give her the care she needed, all I can say is the last week she wasn’t in any pain she was peaceful and that’s all I could hope for really and that’s how she passed away peacefully no warning no pain. Now we just have to carry on living our lives they way she wanted us too x
It’s not that I want to avoid him I’m just tired and could do with a day were I just don’t have to do anything x
Losing someone so close is a massive trauma you just don’t realise until it happens to you how it truly affects someone, got a phone call today from my works co-ordinator doing a welfare check to see how I was doing, asking me what support I was getting what could they do to help me was there anything that they could help with when I go back to work, I was sobbing down the phone, she was just saying how sorry she was and hope that I hadn’t minded her calling me and hoped she hadn’t distressed me too much and if there was anything I needed even for a chat don’t hesitate to call her x
That’s good then Lucy that they are offering you their full support which we all need
I hope your ok I really do
But yes I was on the phone to the mortgage company today and they did similar and offering me support services which I didn’t expect
No you never know and you even though you know one day it’s coming there is no readying yourself for the pain and heartache it brings
I’ve been very teary again myself since finishing work today …
For me it’s still the whole grasping that I will never get to hear her voice or be with her again x
@Lisa_L51 i totally understand, I feel like that sometimes. You just need your own space to be quiet & rest.
@Lisa_L51 i am glad someone was checking on you and offering support. I hope that made hug feel valued. Support at work is so important for when you are ready to go back. I am glad you could share your emotions and they could hear how distressed you are.
Sending hugs to you x
I basically poured the whole lot out, think she was quite shocked at what I am going through and what I’d actually been through already, never thought they’d contact me to be honest, I bet she actually phoned to see when I was coming back and has probably realised and retracted 
didn’t think they cared told her how supportive the girls had been in work and I was hoping to come back in couple weeks now Christmas etc is over and kids are back at school x
You’re probably right, but I am glad you were honest and that she responded in a positive way. I think that’s what happened with my work, the head teacher was unaware of the circumstances around my mom’s death and how it has affected me etc, so I floored him at the meeting before Christmas. But he has got his act together now, I think the principal has had a conversation with him.
Go back when you feel ready, maybe do a phased return to work. Don’t rush back to full hours.
I only work 2 full days Monday and Friday so time off in between but she said if there is anything she can do to help me to call her, might ask her can I do a couple of half days for first 2 weeks see how I get on rather than be thrown right in at the deep end although sometimes that’s the best thing to do is jump straight in I just have to prepare myself going to try some meditation of a night when I can’t sleep it might just help x
Well it’s sure hit me back with a vengeance today , after saying the past few days I’ve been a little less teary and we said maybe it’s the brain wanting a break
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my mum and literally getting upset for the past 3 hours at every given moment 
x
That’s very handy to have 
Re: phased returns, I was advised by my work to have the GP stipulate phased return. It makes it easier for HR, and gives you some protection.
I know the feeling when the tears just won’t stop. I had that at the start of jan and people said to me “just let the tears out” it got me so angry as the crying didn’t make me feel better. It only made me feel worse. I did allow myself to cry cuz they were just coming. It is another part of the grieving process but one that I find very difficult as it made me feel so vulnerable and raw.
Lucy, I concure with you 100%, my mum had dementia for four years and I was her principle carer right up to the moment of her death when she died in my arms drowning in her own fluids and the room went very cold as the spirits took her soul, in the space of less then 1 second I was left holding a lifeless manikin, most people in special forces do not go through what i did, even in war time, they would be unfit to fight, and sample or no sample the bloody barstads should have treated your mum for sepsis anyway, I am convinced my mum had it at the end too.I have had interveinal antibiotics, nothing special about the procedure and it could be done at home by a district nurse, time was the doctor would call and give an injection of penicillin or streptomycin, the practice saved a lot of lives, time, and unnecessary hospital admissions, and to put it brutally medicine was in many ways better then than know when everyone is obsessed with ticking boxes instead of caring for patients and practicing medical care in the community, no wonder Dr Martin shouts ‘IMBASEALS!!’ come back Dr Kildare, all is forgiven!!.
So mum was prone to UTI with having the bladder cancer and a permanent stent from her kidney to bladder but when that hadn’t cleared the basically prescribed more antibiotics instead of testing but it wouldn’t have made any difference only that she was in pain as the cancer was aggressive in her pelvis I’m just glad she’s no longer in pain and have to go through what she did last 26 years x
Jason’s so similar to my mom. She had a really bad uti in March, I had to take her to out of hours. I thought she was going to die. I have since found out that she had gone to GP with a prolapse at the beginning of March.
When the hospital finally did a CT scan
It should a necrotic mass in her pelvis that was pressing on her ureter. The Tyler was ovarian but all her pelvis. When she went into hospital they were treating her for a UTI for well over a week without doing any investigation.
My poor mom must have been in so much pain. It’s hard to comprehend how no one looked at her and saw she was dying.
They treated her for sepsis at the hospital it took 2 weeks to clear it she also had a swollen kidney and a dehydrated one as she wasn’t drinking enough so they were basically pumping fluids into her as well to get her kidneys working but obviously whilst they were treating those things the cancer was getting more aggressive mum had basically given up with her last diagnosis she knew she couldn’t fight it and be cured so she just gave up, she was the bravest and most strongest person I knew and I’ll never forget the unconditional love she gave to me and my girls, she was the best x
My mum was prone to UTI as well and is increses the likelyhood of dementia if the infection crosses the blood/brain barrier (I am not clinical hear) but it is disgusting your mother suffered for some 26 years, sounds like they never fixed her properly
I’m so sorry you fight for justice for your mum I know it’s not going to change what’s happened but someone is accountable as that is so wrong that basically was negligence. When my mum turned 60 she went doctors with pain in lower back and side area her GP put it down to old age as she suffered with back problems she listened to her Dr 12 months later I got a call at work my mum had hemorrhaged when she had gone toilet she went to the hospital they done a scan and rushed her into theatre they found tumors in her bladder had ruptured, but she hadn’t told us she’d been the drs 12 months previous untill further years down the line and she wouldn’t do anything about it, 16 years later she had to go the drs and basically confronted the Dr who misdiagnosed her and he turned around and said why are you bringing that up that was years ago, had I been there I’d of floored him she still blamed that doctor I actually think mum was at fault as well cos she never asked questions or anything she just took a person’s word and knowing something wasn’t right with her at the beginning never pushed for a second opinion she probably would never have had to have gone through so many years fighting x