This sounds so familiar. In day 10 in hospital they started treating her for Sepsis. Which it wasn’t. I feel they just regarded them as old and prone to this. But they are people, they had families and loved ones. It makes me mad that we are all going through this.
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My mom was scared of Dr’s and had probably been ill for a long time. She never told them the truth of how she felt. But that was partly because they kept saying you shouldn’t be feeling like this based on the results we can see. So she just thought she was making it up. I knew deep down it was serious.
Dr’s should never make anyone feel like they are wasting their time.
My GP is lovely and kind & really listens.
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I just think sometimes the older generation don’t want to bother anyone and I think because of the way she’d been brought up she was naive as well, so she never asked questions just got on with it basically accepted what the Dr had told her, anyway can’t talk about all that now it’s happened it’s gone and basically made me a bit angry at her for not having him done, I just have to let all that go now and focus on my well being now I have to start thinking about me now and how I’m going to cope going forward and this new way I’m going to have to live without my mum being there I just hope I can do it x
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We’re here to help you get through this. I believe in you. When does your counselling start?
Just take things one day at a time, no pressure. Maybe plan in 1 thing just for you each day. Like a nice drink in a cafe or at home. Just something that is for you.
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Aww thanks Becca I’m here for you too, my sessions start on Tuesday I’ve just been crying at the thought of it all going through everything again is going to set me right back to the beginning I’m just exhausted from crying all the time my eyes are tired and sore, I’m sure the stress of the last 3 months has also effected my eyesight, I’ve become quite forgetful as well, when I shut my eyes I still think I’ll open them and it’s all been a dream then it hits me that it’s not, just when I think I have a handle on things, I’m right back to the day she passed away and that I should of been there with her x
@Lisa_L51 i totally get that. I cried so much these last few weeks it’s exhausting. But as I keep being told crying is good, it lets out all the emotions. Your counsellor will support you with how to cope after the session. You will feel tired as you process your thoughts. But it will help you to talk about the feeling in a safe environment that is just for you.
You can talk to us afterwards. Try not to overthink things beforehand. Maybe write some thoughts down to take with you so that you don’t have to think on the spot, then in some ways you’re not going over it fresh if that makes sense.
Sleep well, x
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Thanks Becca I appreciate it, it’s just constant exhaustion and fatigue think my brain is even exhausted that it just wants to switch off from everything think I’m going to try settle down for the night my eyes are stinging, hope you get some rest yourself catch up with you tomorrow xx
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I had one very similar made from my mum’s funeral flowers and one for each of my daughters, they are just beautiful aren’t they 
I am so tired but going over loads of stuff. I feel like I am in this surreal world, like what the heck happened these past 4 months. Life was the black blur, but now it feels like something has lifted. It’s so strange, I feel guilty that my head feels calm.
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Even in the stormiest seas there are brief moments of calm, Becca.
Im no medical expert but from what ive read, your brain has to form new neural connections to adjust to the change and this takes time, but maybe the calmness is a sign that the brain is just doing its thing behind the scenes. Maybe irs recognised it doesnt need to be in high alert, fight or flight mode all the time and can shift down a gear for a while and give you a break. Doesnt mean you wont still get those intense moments, im sure there will still be plenty for all of us along the way, but people who have been bereaved a long time often say you notice that they just start to get less frequent.
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Finally changed my user name from Lucy, don’t want to use that anymore, feeling tired this morning even though I slept for a few hours, I didn’t watch TV or go on phone like I normally would, had a really restless night, but just kept my eyes closed to rest them as they were sore and puffy yesterday from tears. Just sorting kids for school then going to grab another hour or 2 then might go to town so I don’t have to go at the weekend ( youngest keeps going on about a bag she wants anything to keep her from moaning at me) why do kids think you shouldn’t have time to yourself they basically click their fingers and you jump, your not allowed a minute not even to go the bathroom, I shut myself in bathroom for 10 mins just to get a breather and they still knock on the door asking you to hurry up, basically I’m lazy at the moment as I’m off work and I don’t do anything all day, not the fact I can’t as my loss has consumed me to the very point I just don’t have the energy I’m exhausted when mum was alive I was on the go running back and for every day spending every day at her house we’d go shopping go out to lunch, now all that’s been taken away I’m at a loss what to do, there is probably so much I could be doing but my head and body won’t connect because I’m just so tired of everything x
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Hey Lisa
I will be honest I’m glad you pointed that out as I was wondering within the conversation where Lucy had gone and where Lisa had come in
It’s only naturally I believe to feel exhausted during grief it’s mentally and physically draining isn’t it . I was at the doctors last week for something else and mentioned I also ache all over my body and he said even that was due to dealing with the grief and pain off a loss of someone close
Take your time . People have learnt to leave me alone and not rush me at all because right now I just prefer my own company where I can sit and talk to mum
I hope you have a good a day as possible
In my thoughts x
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Thanks yeah decided to change it, the other was a nick name and only sounded right coming from mum and dad. My body also aches from head to toe, it’s just constant isn’t it, got a bit of a headache thinks it’s because my eyes are sore and lack of sleep so think I’ll stay of my phone today for a break, have a good day, going to shut my eyes for an hour take care x
That makes perfect sense @Ally6. Really helps me to try and understand what’s going on. I lived in this chaotic world for the last 9 months when my mom was ill and after her death. I was in a black pit and suffocated by it all. It feels like I can breath again.
I am utterly exhausted today though. My first week of full time since the end of June last year.
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@Lisa_L51 inhad times where my whole body ached. Your body is just trying to deal with so much. Rest as much as you can, that will help you heal.
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It’s hard, there is this void and you don’t know how to fill it. I totally get it. Take those moments to be quiet, think about your mom, rest. What a film. Give your body and mind a chance to breath and rest.
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I just wish the spring would hurry up and get here it’s just cold and miserable a bit like I’m feeling at the moment just wish I could shut out the world and hide under my duvet and forget about the last 12 months really 2023 was a tough year now this year is going to be an even tougher one having to re adjust my life to living with out one of the most important people that meant the world to me and I’m scared.
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Yeah you’re going to be shattered after working full time because your brain has been pulled in so many directions. It could be that your brain having to shift its focus to work has also helped it feel calmer, its settled into a more familiar pattern. When i stayed at my house this week i fully expected to feel really distressed but my brain just seemed to think “oh we’re back home are we?” and just settled into it. Hopefully youve got time this week where you can rest and recharge?
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People dont appreciate the physical impact of grief do they Lisa- if you had a rash all over or were coughing everywhere people would be saying “take it easy, you need to rest” but the impact of grief is far more intense. You cant separate body and mind, grief is a whole body experience. I hope you manage to find a few pockets of calm during the day
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I have also sent my proposal to work for a change to my role & this will really help me have a new focus. I feel I need to move up with my career now.
Not sure how I will get to 1.30pm when I finish. Struggling to stay awake. I have to go to my dad’s after work as well!
So glad it is the weekend.
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