Don’t be hard on yourself. Counselling does bring up stuff you thought you were ok with or didn’t know were there. It’s part of the process.
As for your brother, men grieve differently and depends on the relationship he had with your mom. The bond between mom and daughter is totally different and as you had seen your mom a lot so could see what was happening. You grieve how you want to, go back to work when you feel ready. I was pretty much not at work for the last for months. It’s hard being back full time, would like to not be. But I am.
Maybe your sister is processing all of this and being quiet and not contacting you is part of her grieving.
Talk to your counsellor about all of this and they will help you to process and deal with it.
Yeah I know what your saying it just brought stuff up that wasn’t really resolved that I am still angry about but don’t want to deal with it’s made me question a lot of things about my own life that I should of done, so feeling quite down and fed up today, but I’ll push on because I have too, thanks Becca x
M counsellor always tells me not to say the word ‘should’. They makes us feel like we have to conform to what people think. It takes along time to get past that, but you can do it.
Do you journal? I find when I am in a dark place I just write it all down. It can help to process the thoughts. It isn’t an exact science, we are all different. But try things and see what works for you.
Don’t have a journal as such but I do write to my mum in my notes on my phone stuff I wanted to say to her but couldn’t stuff I maybe could of done different stuff that’s happened since she left just to let it out x
I slept for nearly 9 hours last night, but I am utterly exhausted. Can’t keep my eyes open. I have to work later, is this still grief or am I just lazy?
Definitely not being lazy don’t forget we have all been through this trauma and it’s extremely exhausting don’t forget your carrying it around everyday xx
Lying here wide away thinking how shit life is lately and thinking am I going to feel like this forever because I don’t think I can do this anymore, I can’t put myself through this agony, I no one click of a finger and everything changed that day it’s like ground hog day I’m just going over and over the same thing every single day why am I doing this too my self, I should be getting on with my life hoping I have a good few years left but all I can think of is my mum and how much I’m missing her and how she should still be with us how I wish Id had more time with her and now I have the worry of my dad who is 91. I wake up every morning scared that the next day could be his last, I’m actually scared to wake up incase he doesn’t and I just can’t get these dark thoughts out of my head. Feel like I’m going mad.
Hello Lisa, I’m sorry about your mum. I think your mum would want you to remember and honor her memories but not at the expense of your happiness. Your mum lived to her fullest ability and in doing so she brought you into this world. She would want you to do the same, live to the fullest, seek and find whatever happiness there is to be sought after during your given time. She didn’t give up during her moments of grief in her past. You mustn’t either. Hugs to you.
I know it’s just so hard not to feel the way I am just when I think I’m having a moment of calm it just hits me all over again I know I wouldn’t be thinking all this if I could just stay asleep till the morning if I could just switch off, I need to do something as all this is exhausting physically and mentally, no wonder some people turn to alcohol to try block it all out, I just need to find something.
I know these feelings and it is understandable. I fear who is going to die next. The more you talk about this the more you will be able to deal with them. Don’t be hard on yourself. I wish you had a decent GP to talk to as well.
Overslept this morning because I’d been awake all night overthinking things again, woke up feeling deflated, no point seeing the doctor they are not interested that’s why so many people suffer in this world, can’t pick up a book as I can’t concentrate I just want to close my eyes and shut out everything around me, councillor said to try some meditation or calming sounds, but it’s not going to sleep that’s the problem it’s staying to sleep I’m waking up at 1.30 sometimes takes 2 hours or so to get back asleep sometimes I’m just awake but when I woke at 1.30 all these thoughts popped into my head and I couldn’t shut them off, think I need to try the antidepressants again of a night and up the anxiety from 1 to 2 a day try shut everything out, hope everyone is ok today x
Sleep is so important, but with what you are going through it’s hard. I was struggling with sleep and my GP have me something to help when I needed it.
I would try and see your GP a different one though and just let it all out and let them see how it’s all affecting you. It is their job to help you. If you aren’t happy about your care you can speak to the practise manager and let them know. They have a duty of care.
It’s hard to keep fighting I know this all to well. Wish I could do more to help you.
Hi Lisa . Sorry you had a rough night … I was like that until a few weeks ago where I’ve started to sleep a lot better and I am to now on anti depressants… I felt a bit crappy on them for a few days but they have definitely lifted me although nothing can cure the pain and heartache felt every day since losing mum
I had a strange thing last night where I had read if you talk to your mums photo and ask them to come visit you they will and this is no lie I’ve been begging and want to see mum in my dreams for weeks
Well last night albeit one word in my sleep I heard her voice say my name but it was 100% her voice but just my name was all she said but it’s something . Really as left me wondering this morning x
I feel really flat and tired. I want to cry but I am at work.
Work is starting to stress me out a bit. I have a line management meeting today so will bring it up. I just don’t want them to think I am not capable of doing my job.
I’ve let it all out, I had to ask for them to give me something as he wasn’t going to give me anything he didnt want to give me anti depressants all he offered me was sleeping tablets told him I needed help, got tablets for my anxiety and got antidepressants, I taje the anxiety tablets as that gets me through the day just about but I’m scared of taking the antidepressants incase I don’t wake up for the kids or the make me feel like a zombie or I get brain fog he ward about all the side effects from taking them etc, but now I’m getting to a point I just want to shut everything around me out, want to be able to sleep of a night and get up next morning I want to be able to move on and go back to work all these things I want and need to do so do I start taking the antidepressants and give them a go, just don’t want to become dependant on them x
I see my mum’s face every night when I close my eyes, but it’s the day she died that I’m seeing every time I dread closing my eyes as I know it’s going to be the same image and it’s horrible, I say hello to my mums photo every day I go to see my day and when I’m there I blow her a kiss then again when I’m leaving x