Don’t really listen to Ed Sheeran but this song pulls at my heart strings everytime I hear it.
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That’s a very poignant song 
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Found these last couple of weeks so hard. There is so much I want to talk to my mom about. I am so exhausted. I miss her so much
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Big virtual hug. 
I desperately wish I could talk to dad tonight, there are things I want to ask and discuss and most of all I need his reassurance that he thinks I’ve handled things well. 
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Hugs to you 
Is that with regards something specific or things in general? Do you talk to your Dad? Im sure he’d know you are doing the best you can and thats all we can ever do
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I lost my mom suddenly last October. I go to sleep till 11.30pm. Then i am awake still staring at the ceiling. I do understand how you feel. Believe me i cannot get up in the morning by the time i do it s late in the day. I am so so lonely all i want not for people to feel sorry for me just a hug. Do you feel this way to? I do cry alot expecially when i am alone when my brother goes to work do you? I wish i could close my eyes and never feel this pain its a pain you cannot describe is this true with you? I do not know how to move forward with life do you?
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@Ulma virtual hugs to you too. I want reassurance from my mom too. I can’t sleep, so much going round in my head. I want this nightmare to be over & wake up to it all being a dream. 
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Sorry for your loss I also lost my mum in October last year so it still feels like yesterday I used to cry myself to sleep at night that doesn’t happen as often now this past 2 nights is the first I’ve slept in 3 months I’m on medication for anxiety panic attacks and depression I was in a dark place at the beginning I just wanted to be with my mum but I have children and that’s what made me get up each morning I couldn’t put them through this pain of losing their mum, I still struggle some days I go to councilling session once a week but joing this forum was the best thing I could ever have done I was able to talk without actually saying anything so it got me through the darkest of days, now I’m just trying to find my way in this world without my mum I do it one day at a time as I don’t see the road a head any more but I know it’s going to be a very long road and I’m only at the beginning of my journey, I hope you can find comfort by talking on hear,cwe are all here to listen and help you navigate the road ahead, we are all here for the same reason take care x
Thanks, Ally. It was the flashbacks to the hospital that triggered it. I just felt and feel so uncertain about it all. I do hope you’re right!
If only we could wake up. I don’t like this new reality at all.
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You are so very kind somebody at last understands. I am greatful. I want to know why she did not tell me she was in pain? No heart attack. She just had her hip replacement. Within 3wks she was dead. She had a burst ulcer. The lonleyliness of not being able to talk to her. I lived with my mom all my life. She must have been in pain why did she not tell me???
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My mum also had a habit of not telling me when she was in pain, she always had a way of just getting on with it, when I could of helped her, her answer was always didn’t want to worry you, but that’s what I was there for when she needed help, I just couldn’t help her this time and I miss her so much. Our mum’s allways had a way of protecting us, mine wasn’t even going to tell us about her last diagnosis I found out by accident from a letter her consultant sent of what was discussed at her last appointment her answer was I didn’t want to worry you, little did we know I only had her for 12 weeks more, she was my world along side my children it has broken me I’m not the same person I was, I find getting up everyday a chore if it wasn’t for my kids and my 91 year old dad I wouldn’t be here, I lost my best friend we did everything together something I will never get over I have really bad days were I just cry because that’s the only release I have, although i have a family I feel so alone we are all grieving differently so I don’t burden them with what’s happening to me I put a front on knowing it’s killing me inside but as I said we are all here because we have our own stories to tell we are all grieving one way or another but we are all here to help each other get through it x
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I am missing my mom so much with every day that passes by. But I don’t cry any more. The pain of her not being here is immense.
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I have been sat going through my mom’s medical records tonight, trying to get them in some kind of order.
It’s so hard going through them. Makes me sad, angry, just utter disbelief. How could this have happened?
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That must be so painful, Becca. I feel for you.
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Hi Lisa , becca, ulma
How have you all been ? I see from some of the above posts mostly still struggling to come to terms with the loss of our mums / fathers :
I am sorry aren’t really better and some of the things I’m still reading regards the hospitals … again after what happened with mum nothing surprises me any more
I haven’t been on for some time I’ve had to take some serious time out I got myself into a very dark place with some horrendous ideas but so far with help and medication I’m getting there
We finally had the results of the 2nd post mortem and they listed as artery coronary disease causes mums cardiac arrest … doesnt make it any easier
I am still waiting results of the findings regards how much was treated at the hospital although we had an apology it wasn’t good enough and we complained again so again a further report is to follow
I still miss her so much and the tears still flow daily
Genuinely hope your all doing ok xx
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Coronary artery disease is what caused my dad’s heart attack. It was a build up of fatty deposits in an artery, impeding blood flow to the heart. He presented to his medical practice several times with symptoms (a wet cough) but they didn’t ever investigate for a coronary cause.
It’s like they just right off old people.
I am struggling today. Reading my
Mom’s notes makes it all real. I just can’t get my head around the fact she had cancer. It was never mentioned and the blood condition she had as well was a pre leukaemia, but we were told it wasn’t cancer.
I am tired of it all going round in my head.
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Hi I’ve been better, I wondered where you had gone to I’m sorry you’ve had a really bad time of it, my counselling is going ok and I’ve been seeing a mental health nurse who’s been monitoring my medication she also said I’m not ready to go back to work yet as I’ve been through a traumatic time and I need to give myself time to deal with everything, bit by bit I’m opening up more to my counselling as I’m still not able to let my family in, as I don’t want them worrying about me so I still put a wall up when I’m around them. I go back on the 21st to see the mental health nurse and she’ll decide if my medication needs upping. I miss my mum so much and I just want a hug from her and for her to tell me everything is going to be ok, but I know that’s never going to happen in this life, I look at her picture and still sit there wondering how we got her and how I’m supposed to live a life without her in it it just feels so wrong she’s left this massive void that will always be there, my counsellor says I’ll eventually learn to live around the grief I’m feeling but to me that seems impossible and everyday is like groundhog day I’m just living that day in October over and over again, take care of yourself I hope you know we are all here for you when ever you need to off load no matter what xx
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Good to hear from you! I’m still having a hard time too. Feels most like being a zombie, staggering forward and going through the motions, but not really being there. Sorry things have been so bad for you and that you had to make another complaint. I guess it’s pretty much impossible to get any kind of satisfactory response from hospitals, they tone things down and cover for each other. 
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