I feel very contrary when they say such things, like, who are you to say what I should do or how I should feel. Makes me angry. 
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I almost did. I rolled my eyes, though (we spoke on the phone). Exactly, it’s up to me how long I’ll grieve!
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I want to feel connected to my mom and I just don’t. I sat in her craft room today making a card and all I thought was that she should be here. I want to talk to her, hear her voice. Be close to her and I just don’t. How can I feel connected to her?
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I wear my mum’s scarf when I feel I need a hug it’s not the same but it’s warm and snuggly around my kneck, I didn’t get much sleep last night I woke at 1.30 and didn’t get back to sleep till 5 then suddenly woke at 5.30 agitated I had a flash back again to the day my mum died and it really shook me up I was in tears I wrapped her scarf around me to try and calm myself down x
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Sorry you didn’t sleep. I have my mom’s dressing gown, but it doesn’t smell of her anymore 
, maybe a scarf of my moms would be good to have. I just feel really numb
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Think i might get that quote printed on a t shirt for when im out in public!
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It does make you feel like you want it on a badge to wear. I feel like it is getting worse with every day that passes. Everything I do I want to share with my mom. I feel like this isn’t true and I’ll wake up from this night mare. I just want her back.
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I agree, it feels like its getting worse not better for me, because with every day that passes the length of time apart gets even longer.
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I’m feeling the same right now the longer it gets the more I’m missing her and knowing she’s gone forever and that I’m never going to see her again only to see her face in photographs and flashbacks is messing with my head right now, thought I was doing ok today keeping busy but it just made me want to see her again even more. The thought of having to live without her is weighing me down and I feel like I’m drowning in my own grief x
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Yep - i had a dream this week where i was trying to stop intruders breaking into the house. There were also 3 guys in the house and in the dream i was literally screaming at each of them “i need help NOW” because i wanted them to stand guard whilst i called 999. But all 3 of them ignored me as if i was invisible. I feel like thats what my subconscious is screaming "i need help NOW " and that it just falls on deaf ears.
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Have you looked into the one to one councilling I do feel you may benefit as it is solely just you and councillor in a room and their sole focus is on you and your able to offload so much in the session, I probably wouldn’t be able to get that out in a group I think the one to one feels more personal x
@Becca_d I spray her perfume on her scarf and wear it. I also sometimes stick my head in her wardrobe and just smell her clothes. I know its weird but its the only physical connection I can get…
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@Ola13 i wear her perfume. But I could spray it on something of hers to smell. I feel so exhausted and run down. The exhaustion is off the chart. I am back to work on Monday after my week off and I just don’t want to go.
I know exactly what you mean I’ve done the same I’m feeling a bit deflated this morning not sure why I slept from 1.30 to 7.30 but it hasn’t touched the sides I feel I could sleep for days and if I didn’t have dependants I probably would x
My mom died in August last year, so back at work now. But I didn’t take enough time off. I went back on reduced hours after a week. Biggest mistake of my life. I had a very turbulent time up until Christmas. I worry about work a lot because if I am not there no one does my work.
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Oh I see, I was worried you’d be back only having a week off. xxx
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Hi I’ve just come across this post and I’m just wondering how you are feeling in your grief journey, I’m so hoping you are well a feeling better about your situation. I’m still quite new to grief and still feeling stuck and trapped in it all, although I think I have made a tiny bit of progress, take care xx
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This sums up exactly how I’m feeling.
She has two faces.
One face that she shows the world, loved ones, and in public.
The smiling one.
The happy, friendly, and talkative one.
The confident one full of laughter and positivity.
The face that everyone is used to.
The second face is the real face.
The one she tries not to show anyone.
The face behind closed doors, when she’s alone away from the world, in the security of her own emotions that she doesn’t want to show anyone else or have to explain them.
It’s exhausting trying to look happy and like nothing is bothering you.
The face that stares off at nothing or patterns on the floor or drapes.
The face that cries in the shower, in bed, car rides alone, cries sitting on the couch, or doing things around for house.
The sad face that stares back at her in the mirror and looks nothing like she used to be.
Well to her anyway. Others say she looks the same. The face that looks strong to the people she knows, but is really just shards of broken glass inside.
Yes, the girl that was there for everyone, and strong for others…is now split into two.
Two faces, one broken spirit.
She can’t bear the losses.
It feels like a chapter of a wonderful book closed never to be open again.
All she has are memories and visions in her head that she plays over and over.
Nothing is the same to her.
Everything is different. She can’t cope with daily life, her Doctor said. So she writes to help herself, and she has her two faces.
What’s funny is, the sad face is the face worth a thousand words underneath in the depths of complexity.
While the happy face full of laughter, love, positiveness, and fun…is a straight shooter."
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This is me, I’m imprisoned in grief, it’s hell on earth 
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