Sorry to hear you have no support from work. There’s no real understanding of grief and how it affects people differently, you’re mostly expected to just get on with it. Hoping for the best for the meeting on Friday!
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I don’t even know where to start about work. I went back on rescued hours on 11th Sept, my mom died on 30th August. Found out I had a new line manager who did not make any effort to meet with me. He has only been at the school for a year so I don’t know him & he does know me.
2 weeks after that I was doing a phased return, still no meeting or any support to getting back to work. In all this time I had arranged the funeral and a thanksgiving service.
I had a meeting with HR & my line
Manager on the day my phased return note ran out. I also met with the schools CEO as he actually listens and cares.
Basically I then went back to almost full hours, took a hit financially out to Christmas and reduced my hours a bit. I asked HR for a meeting end of Oct, but she said she was too busy. I thought she was a friend as well, turns out she isn’t 
. 3 weeks ago I sent a very open and honest email about how I am feeling and work etc to my line managers.He acknowledged it and said we’d meet on the Friday to talk things through. On that Friday I saw an email he had sent the day before (my day off) saying that would it be ok for a Governor to meet with me and him to discuss the impact of the work I do on pupils. I was so angry, I saw the email at 8am, the meeting was at 11.
I have openly said how I am struggling to process and come to terms with my mom’s death. They do not care, I have now got a note form my GP for very reduced hours that kicked in last Monday & the head has arranged a meeting for next Friday. To little too late. I had an event on 1st Dec at school and I was on my own pretty much for 4 hours with no break or support.
I can’t get my mom out of my head. Watching her take her last breath haunts me and will for the rest of my life. I have counselling with u pay for fortnightly as I live with depression & anxiety. It had been bubbling and getting worse over the last few months. GP gas increased my meds. It all just feels a mess.
I am sorry for the very long post.
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You don’t need to apologise to anyone you could write pages and pages I would still read it, as I’m the same once I start writing I can’t stop it’s the only way I can express myself and let it all out without collapsing in a heap emotionally Infront of people and embarrassing myself I havnt even had an email off my HR/Head office and I’ve been off work since my mum passed away on the 22nd October the only people who have acknowledged was the pharmacy manager who I work with and the other girls in the pharmacy 2 of whom lost their mother in laws this year I hope on Friday all goes well and they acknowledge they made a mistake and apologise to you for not giving you the support you needed there are 7 different stages of grief my Dr said and people deal with them in different order, couldn’t tell you what order I’m in as i just feel numb still.
Hi Becca,
To say I am shocked by how you have been treated is an understatement.
Is it a school that you work in ? Sorry but I don’t understand the CEO bit as its the Headteacher who manages the school and has complete responsibility. Also are you in a union. If you are in a union ring the rep asap and ask them to help you and go to every meeting with you. You need help in dealing with all this
If you are not in a union then join immediately.
You could also go on sick leave again as nothing has been put in place for you that meets your requirements.
Make sure you write everything down eg dates of meetings contents of meetings and outcomes and ask for a copy of the minutes to be sent to you. Before any meeting starts ask if minutes can be taken. Phase return is usually over a 6 week period then its return to full time work after that.
It is not acceptable for Governor to ever meet with you to discuss private matters. Refuse to meet anyone other than your line manager or your Headteacher as your personal details and work arrangements should not be discussed or dealt with by any Governor.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Hiya ! No one not no one on this planet has the
right to tell you anything regards how you feel
/deal with the death of a loved one especially a parent . Luckily I’ve had total support from everywhere around me since my mums passing but it’s disrespectful for anyone to do anything but that and you have every right to feel angry . I know first hand as I’m going through grief right now and im absolutely heartbroken . My mates took me out for the first time since mums passing yesterday and whilst I enjoyed it I felt guilty throughout and broke down several times . I will never ever get over this . My world won’t ever be the same but please don’t ever let anyone tell you regards your feelings xx
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Hi, I work in across 2 high schools. We are a multi academy trust so there is a CEO who over sees all the schools. He used to be the head of one of the schools and was totally supportive to me when I had a breakdown nearly 6 years ago.
The governor was talking to me about how we support pupils in the role I do, not about personal stuff. But my line manager should not have done that to me as I had told him I wasn’t coping so to dump a meeting on me was unfair.
I am in a union, trying to it go down that road. My line manager is the well being lead if you can believe it! I told him that just because I am at work does not mean everyone is ok. I grieving and totally devastated.
I am a careers advisor and I work on my own. No one has got my back so to speak. No one has done any kind of wellbeing check and all that. I am just expected to get on with it. I am practically off work. The other school I work in is a bit better and people are kinder.
Hi Becca,
Ok I understand better now.
I think the problem today with people in any workplace is they are all under so much stress with their own workloads and simply dont understand the grieving process of members of staff. However there should be clear written procedures in place so try to get hold of a copy. Look at the staff absence policy and Return to work policy. There should be one on the school portal for all staff to access. If not put it in writing that you would like a copy. It is your right to know the correct procedures the school should follow. Get hold of your union asap as you are not strong enough to deal with all this.
Deborah x
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Thy also know at work that u have a lot to deal with at home. My daughter has Asperger’s and is really struggling at the moment. That is 24/7 and exhausting.
Right now if I could give up work I would. But I know that is just because I am not in a good place. I am in the middle of doing my qualification for my job so need to keep going.
Christmas is overwhelming me. I sobbed out out tree up last week. I am going to my dad’s tomorrow. Goodness only knows how we will cope with that. It’s just so unreal that this has happened.
Hi Becca,
Its all overwhelming at the moment and will take a very long time to even adjust to all this trauma.
You are doing so well in just being back at work so really be proud of yourself even though i know its tough going at the moment.
Am thinking of you
Deborah x
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I am absolutely raging with anger . I’m livid !!! Pardon my words but those idiots game my mum a paracetamol overdose at the Leicester royal infirmary and they admitted this . We was told there would be a thorough investigation into this and expressed how sorry they was . My beautiful mum as since passed away and we still don’t know if this is linked but given the time period of 2-3 weeks we feel it as to be . So they promised an outcome of the investigation no later than today the 13th . Nothing totally nothing ! Just another kick in the face of my mum and her memory . I am so angry I really feel like going to the National papers I’m sobbing my heart out through anger and rage at the disrespect to my mum !!
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Huge hugs. 
If they said the 13th they should keep that promise. I would be livid too, it must be so frustrating on top of worrying it’s all linked. Badly done of them! It feels like you can’t win against a hospital, no matter what, they close ranks and protect each other.
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I still haven’t done it I just couldn’t do it I looked at the decorations and cried.
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Me neither. I haven’t even looked at the decorations, just the thought of taking out the boxes hurts hurts hurts. I’ve been struggling a lot these last few days, feeling the finality of it and not wanting to.
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I’ve felt exactly the same this week not have a good time to be honest going to see my youngest daughter in her school show tonight and I so wish my mum was here to see her like she was every year I’m taking my dad instead he’s never seen a show yet. I’m sure she will be watching in spirit
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Lucy, do you find it hard when people say “she is with you in spirit”? I do, I just want my mom here. I cannot begin to imagine what Christmas Day will be like seeing an empty chair 
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I do becca or when they say I’m sure she is watching you or that she is happy again back with my dad . I really hope that is the way it works I just don’t know x
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I sometimes do. I don’t want in spirit, I want him here.
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It’s good you’re taking your dad! But I know, it’s so hard some days, today it feels like I’ve being crying the whole time. I just don’t want it to be real.
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Her show was really good my mum would of been so proud of her tonight like she was everytime she went to watch one of their shows since they were in nursery school this was the very first time her grandad had ever been to see her I’m so glad he was able to go x
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Right now I can’t even think about Christmas day as all the stuff we done we did together the thought of doing the dinner and my mum not sitting at the table is going to destroy me, I’m actually crying right now thinking about it💔
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