Sorry to hear that. Maybe the stress with the birthday coming up kept you awake. 
Sending love. 
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I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Just have no motivation. I am just so tired of everything.
It’s just not fair that my mom had to die.
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I’ve come to work, I am too scared of what work will say if u don’t come in. My daughter has lost an important document, so my day has not started well.
I just don’t see the point of anything anymore. I am doing an admin day at work, so not seeing kids. Which is good for my head. But also lonely,
I just want to hold my mom, just be near her . I just don’t understand why she had to die.
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Morning becca
I have the exact same feelings today , infact I haven’t gone in and now I regret it
I just woke up so low and upset crying looking at my mums photo asking why she left me
I know I need to go work to keep a roof over my head and pay bills , and deep down my mum would want be happy and to carry on
But my head won’t let me some days I wish it was that easy
I really hope your ok xx
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It’s just so hard isn’t it. I have stuff going on outside of work that I just need to sort out and don’t get time.
I am just sat on my own with my own thoughts at work. No one checks on me, asks if I want a cuppa or anything. It’s really lonely.
It’s ok that you haven’t gone in, you need to look after yourself.
I wish I was still in bed. Sending hugs 
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Aww people should be checking on you seeing your ok knowing what’s happened
That’s the hard point the world around us just carries on , I have one mate that constantly checks on me but we have a close group of 12 of us but nothing from the other 11 in weeks . I think people think your ok as we are a few months from our loved ones passing but they couldn’t be more wrong
I genuinely hope you’re ok . I know your work but look after yourself
Always here if you want to chat
X
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Outside of work I have people who check in with me.
But work is so hard, spend a lot of time on my own. I am going to address this in my next line management meeting. I have not had good line management in my job for a very long time. I am the only person who does my job, so not in a department or anything.
@Braddy2905 @Becca_d morning I hope you’ll both be ok today, I’m so exhausted this morning didn’t sleep great was awake at 3.30, so after being on a high most of the weekend I feel a bit deflated this morning, not sad just blurgh, can’t be bothered but need to move gotta take my dad the doctors for blood tests got a few errands to run then may have a sleep this afternoon take care of yourselves today xx
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I know those feelings. It’s like you had a break from the pain of grief and then it feels like what is going on. It’s such a rollercoaster.
I can’t wait to get home.
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Sometimes I’ve feel like for every step I take forward I’m taking 2 back X just had enough now x
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I know what you mean Lisa and the post you put yesterday was almost to exactly where I am or I thought I was but I just don’t which me
Is going to wake up every morning
There is no doubt the pain isn’t as raw and whether we like it or not we have to live on im sure all our parents would want that for us
But the hurt and loss never seems to ease if it does for a couple of hours then it’s bang in your face again .
I don’t believe there is any timescale for losing a parent especially when you feel it wasn’t their time x
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Just been in my mums room she had here during her dementia and just looking at her empty made bed breaks my heart again . Crying into her favourite jumper .
It’s so overwhelming 
x
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It really is. I’m sitting here with the sun shining outside and all I can think is that I can’t do this. It’s a chasm too huge for me to cross, a mountain too big to climb. 
Probably doesn’t help that I finally got the reply to my complaint and it was just copy and paste of standardised phrases. 
Lots of hugs.
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I am still in the process of sorting the complaint about my mom’s care.
I need to write a timeline and send it to a solicitor to see if they think we have a case.
I just can’t get my head around so many doctors not realising she was dying. It was only on day 11 in hospital that they realised it was irreversible. I still can’t believe she had cancer, we had 2 hours to get our head around it before she died. She didn’t know. I can see her in my head all the time lay in the hospital bed on the ward, curtains open dying. No dignity. My mom deserved so much better than that. My heart breaks a bit more each day.
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I know what you mean . It’s like they totally close ranks and just spew you a load of doctor talk and think that’s it . To be honest the heartbreaking truth is it probably is
It’s so unfair and our parents deserve more
I made another complaint after receiving my response about the things they just ignored in my original complaint, it might be nothing to them but to us it is
I then had the head of the department contact me to apologise and say it’s in its final stages
Again will just be what they want to tell you x
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It would have been my Dad’s birthday today. Went to the park and sat on a bench imagining him sat on one side of me and Mum on the other
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Sending hugs xx
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Happy birthday to your Dad
Xxx
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Happy Heavenly Birthday to your dad x
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