You basically have just said what my councillor said to me yesterday about doing more harm, I’m basically doing what that says i try to control my emotions when I’m with certain people and it’s extremely exhausting I’m getting to the point we’re I don’t know how long I can keep doing it, it’s draining me to the point I can just about function.
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I agree its hard to keep on “embracing” the grief day after day. At the start i couldnt do anything other than sob, but now i feel too battered and bruised and just want to avoid facing all that pain.
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@Ally6 that’s how I feel, battered and bruised. I go to counselling but sometimes avoid talking about it. I have been having therapy for nearly 4 years. It’s been to help with my depression & anxiety. Then along the way I have had 4 significant bereavements, one being my Mom. I feel like I have barely acknowledged the loss of my aunt and Father in law due to the covid restrictions. My Nan died in Oct 2019 & I had barely got over that before the pandemic. 2 years about 2 work colleagues died within 3 months of each other. I just get so weary and worry who’s next and how will I cope.
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Exactly I’m tired of doing this I’m tired of feeling like this day in day out and the one person I would go to is not here all this pain I have in side I wake up everyday with and it’s exhausting x
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Morning all,
How are we doing? Rather than just my normal morning anxiety, I’ve been feeling anxious through the day, too. It probably is related to all the things I’m dealing with, with the estate, and how to support my mum and brother whilst keeping my house going. I have a friend who is interested in moving into mine as a lodger. He’d have the house to himself most of the time, but he’s used to living with his mum and dad for £250/month all in, so is dragging his heels about paying more to live at mine.
But having discussions about dad’s estate yesterday felt really raw, and sad. 
@Burgled it’s so hard when you have all the decisions to make at a time when you don’t want to.
Take time for yourself today, even if it is just half an hour. Have a nice drink and be quiet. That might still your mind.
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Awww thank you Becca. Yes, I can sit with the cat and my mum 
. Just gotta work this morning, and then I’m free. How are you doing?
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I am just low. Sat in my local coffee shop, as I do every Thursday as it’s my day off. However there is a noisy toddler in here today 
(I know I shouldn’t moan).
I have counselling in a bit, have written stuff down today. I would like to avoid it to avoid talking about it all.
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You’re allowed to moan - my tolerance of noise is much reduced, too. I asked to swap tables in a restaurant recently because I was sitting back to back with a highly animated young lady going on and on about her raucous nights out 
.
Good luck with your session 
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I want to shout it from the roof tops that what happened to my dad was completely preventable, and he should still be here. As I don’t have access to too many roof tops, I instead want to tell people in work. My dad was so proactive in looking after his health. That medical practice needs shutting down.
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I am so sorry. I know how you feel, I want to shout at someone too. I feel so angry, my mom didn’t deserve to die like she did. I need to find some strength to have a voice
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I can understand what you mean about dealing with the estate triggering all those emotions. We havent been able to deal with probate yet, but ive had a 90 min call with a solicitor today to start the process, and afterwards i just sobbed and sobbed my heart out because it means we might now have to start preparing to sell the house. Currently trying to recover with a hot chocolate with Baileys. 
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Thank you Becca. You’re right: your mum deserved better. Well done for all of what you’ve achieved so far, reviewing her notes, and starting to draft a timeline. It will all help bring justice 
.
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Oh no Ally, is that for definite? Is it because it’s not just you inheriting the house? Could you / would you want to buy out any other beneficiaries instead, potentially from the sale of your own house?
Its split between 3 of us, and i dont think realistically it would make sense for me to buy them out as the area is not great, but i just dont feel emotionally strong enough yet to let go, and it feels like once we start the wheels turning its going to be out of my hands. So at some point soon im going to have to make a definite decision whether id want to buy them out or not. 
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Sad and frustrated today. It’s spring now and he should be here to see it.
Of course all the things you have to think about, and having to deal with the estate, makes the anxiety worse. Sorry to hear your friend is dragging his heels, you need an answer so you can let that go. 
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I can’t imagine feeling ‘ok’ ever again. I am totally lost and empty without my mom. I feel selfish as I have my husband and kids.
How am I supposed to get through the rest of my life without my mom?
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I’m going through the exact same situation with my brother . We put the mortgage in our names some years ago when both my mum and dad had to retire early due to illness
Now sadly after losing both I’m in the house he’s living with his wife but there is no way I’m selling I’m going no where I still class it as there house and all the memories and it’s my job to take care of it
So sooner or later I expect to get a call regards “ his share “ should be fun
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Me too. I’m in the house and expect my brother to wanh his share at some point, though for now he’s said there’s no rush. At this point I can’t imagine ever selling, it gives me panic, so I’ll postpone it for as long as I can. Losing someone adds so many practical problems to the mix as well. 
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I went for a walk and it got late, so when I got back to the car it struck me like lightning that dad would never again call and wonder if things were ok. I fell apart and sobbed almost all the way home. 
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