I know how it feels to need to talk to the one person who isn’t here, my mum was my go to and even though I have family I’m so alone I just want my mum the only person I could ever talk too about my feelings xx
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Hope you’re all doing ok - brace yourself everyone for Mothers Day weekend 
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Really not looking forward to that one then my birthday 2 days later, I was also born on mother’s day so it was always special now I don’t want to celebrate wish I could sleep the whole week💔
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I am just not sure how I am going to feel. I feel like I am just blocking it all out. We’ve never made a big thing of Mother’s Day anyway, but not having to buy a present for my mom is sad. I would make her a cake and buy her gifts and make a card.
I am meeting up with my brother for a walk on Sunday morning. I have bought myself, my brother and my dad an acrylic block that has a beautiful picture of my mom on for Sunday.
All I am thinking is it just another day, but maybe I am just protecting myself. I she. Felt a bit rubbish today, think I am just exhausted with all the grief.
Struggling so much today. Hormones are definitely making everything feel worse. A friend gave me a number to potentially access counselling, only to be told i cant access it because im attending group support sessions. So another door closed which left me feeling dreadful. Then when another friend called and i said i just didnt want to go on anymore, shes trying to rationalise it all saying im stuck on something thats happened in the past, but there is a NOW. When i explained that the “now” is pretty s@#& and extremely painful, she started saying because im going back to the past. I had to ask her to stop at that point because i could feel my anger rising. Mums passing might have been a past event, but her absence is felt every day, in the “now”. I just wanted her to understand how upset i was and to comfort me, not try and rationalise it all. 
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I am so sorry @Ally6, it’s so hard to think of a now without the person we love so much. Some people think they are helping by trying to get you out of the way you are feeling, but all you enacted was for her to listen and not solve it all. You wanted her to acknowledge your grief. I totally understand that.
Getting any sort of therapy is so hard. And if it’s free you don’t get much. That’s was wrong with it all, bereavement therapy should be easy to access. We’re here to listen if you need us
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Thank you. Even when i was crying down the phone her response was “thats part of the process” rather than any acknowledgement of/empathy with my distress. It just felt so clinical.
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Oh Ally, I’m so sorry. I’m glad you have this forum, too. We understand all too well. Well done for telling your friend to just stop. People don’t realise the impact of their words. Of course life is 
now. It’s a painful struggle. Our foundation has been whipped from underneath us and we don’t know which way is up.
I have been annoyed at words and phrases used by friends (including a friend my age who lost her mum in recent years) as well as words and phrases I’ve seen on social media posts by so-called bereavement experts.
Do you have people you trust not to say the wrong thing? Ordinarily I’d say I have a wide circle, but I will only talk about my grief with people who I trust. Usually these are people with emotional intelligence and who know me quite well: my best friend, my friend in work, and my ex-boyfriend who lost his dad when he was my age in similar circumstances.
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Oh, and another friend, Craig, who lost his 18-year old sibling, but not his brother, Chris (also my friend), because he was really rubbish to talk to. Very selfish.
Oh dear one of those "I’m an expert types’ I’m reading a book at the moment about grief and there’s a warning about all sorts of things people my say. Unfortunately there’s people who are good for us in a crisis and people that aren’t. I’m going back to work soon and most likely meet people who don’t get it, but as im prepared I’ll just have to hope I can just rise above and let it go over my head 
Take care
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I was waiting for my line management meeting at work yesterday and the HR person asked how I was, she said is the spring helping? Erm NO!! I explained about having to get I touch with a solicitor about my mom and she just told me all about her dad and his nursing home issue and how they have had to get a solicitor….again! I thought she was a friend, but she isn’t. She has never checked in on me like she used to do.
You really do find out who your friends are a times like this.
I am glad we can talk to each other on here xx
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My line manager and HR are coming to see me next week as I’m still off work, im dreading it, im bound to cry
Are you happy for them to come to you? If not, I’d imagine you can suggest a video call or a phone call or the like, can you?
I do have a few people i trust not to say the wrong thing - however they have all turned out to be people i would have not have regarded as “close” friends, so im very conscious of not wanting to be messaging them all the time and i only meet them when they suggest it. What makes me sad is the friend i referred to earlier is my closest, longest standing friend of nearly 40 years - shes the person i wouldnt feel uncomfortable about contacting regularly, but now i find im withdrawing from her and not sharing anything emotional. And i feel sorry for her because she might feel shes walking on eggshells every time she talks to me!
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That seems intense @Pixiecat. Have someone with you, write stuff down. It’s ok if you get upset, it’s a really emotional time
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Yes i agree with Becca I’d definitely have someone with you if you can. They might say its not a formal meeting, you dont need it but just explain its for emotional support.
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Hmmm. Then, may I suggest writing to your oldest friend and explaining how you feel? That you need her ears and just want her to listen, and accept, and not try to influence, how you feel?
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Absolutely have someone with you. You’ll be alone and they are two(?) so you’ll feel at a disadvantage if you don’t have anyone in your corner, even if they are nice people.
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I have debated about talking to her, but i am conscious it may feel like criticism, and i tried to imagine how id feel if one of my friends did the same to me. Thats why i wondered whether i just have to accept shes not the right person to support me right now, and to draw on the support of those who are more empathetic. And just speak to her on the occasions im feeling less emotional. Im undecided 
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